It really sucks knowing that all you want from me is friendship & sex… I get the friendship I could’ve settled at that eventually but now I just feel used..
I cant be your friend, it’ll never happen this way.. I care about you in a whole different way than I do my friends. I think you know this too..
I know you want me to be your friend because you think I’m always going to be in your corner.. and I would be, but that means sacrificing so much of myself for you, and I already have wasted so much time waiting for you to hopefully see that I’m good enough? But obviously at the end of the day it’s not me that you want & likely never will.. you just want someone who will love you unconditionally and be in your corner..
I honestly don’t know how to do this anymore, I can’t keep keeping my feelings in and being hurt by being your friend.. eventually we’ll be “friends” and you’ll meet someone and I’ll still be the friend watching it happen and hurting.. that’s how it goes.. I need to have you completely removed from my life so I can move on and hopefully meet someone that I won’t compare to you everyday ..
You have so much of me, it’s insane.. you have my love, my dads love, my kids love and even my moms love.. I’m never going to get that in someone else, I struggle with dating because I look at their lips & wonder if their kiss will ever compare to yours or if they would hold me with the same intensity that you did before.. I wonder how am I even supposed to move on when all of these feelings are all so very much at the surface, even 3 years later.. I don’t know but I think its time to try.
I never expected a relationship from you right away either… I liked taking it slow, just as long as we were on the same page and showing consistency and the end game was being together.. I don’t know why relationships are so scary to you, but maybe it’s the same reason dating is for me now .. I never expected your undivided attention, or 24/7 conversations, being together everyday even.. I like my space, I just expected similar effort to meet, plan dates, message or call every other day to say hey I didn’t run away…
Who knows… I just know that I’ll never be able to be your friend, not right now and not for a long time at least