Goodbye

It’s funny how things change over time. Just about a decade now since we met. Man, time flies. Back then, I was so enamored with you, I thought it was such a blessing to have you in my life. But looking back now its easy to say meeting you was one of the worst things to ever happen to me.

You’ll never see this, and even if you did you wouldn’t care. But I’m gonna tell you what you took from me. I gave you EVERYTHING I had and even though you never cared about me you took and took and took until I had nothing left. You drained my soul of all my drive and ambition, my hope and dreams. You completely destroyed my ability to trust, and shattered whatever confidence I had when it came to dating, and really just life in general. You humiliated me countless times, made me a joke to numerous people who were significant in my life, ruining a lot of friendships along the way. I didn’t want anyone to see what you had done to me, how wounded and vulnerable I have felt ever since. I still feel that way, like some toy in a store you walked into and played with for a minute then smashed on the ground for no good reason and calmly walked away. No one wants a broken toy. And the things you broke in me, I don’t think they can ever be fixed. I’m not being dramatic and I’ve tried, but it’s impossible to not realize how deep down the damage goes, how irreparable the scars from the pain you caused. I fear I will always be alone.

Of course you don’t have to worry about that. You never actually invested any part of yourself into me so your life is probably exactly the same with or without me in it. Maybe you’re a drastically different person with people you actually care about, warm and kind and supportive and all the things I never felt from you. Regardless, you’ll never be alone, not for long at least. Bully for you.

I don’t hate you, or wish you ill. I just wish I’d never met you, never started talking to you, never let you suck me into the black hole you kept me in for years. Alas, the damage is done, and there are no lessons to be learned. It just sucks for me, alot, like it always has, like it always will. Goodbye A.