I can honestly say I don’t do this often. The chances and the intention is for you to never find this. The intention isn’t even for you as much as you would so deeply want it to be. To use it like a news article or sign that in some way, I’m weak or care or even thought of you. Truth is this isn’t even for you. This is for me. Although you are another person in this world; the emotional pain and confusion and selfishness you carried broke my perception of love and what I had hoped for…. And I’m grateful.
Being so torn and confused as to such a beast you had become to the point where your story on your end wanted to continue. You just couldn’t let go, you wanted to see me fail in some childish way. Finally I’m in a place where the thought of you isn’t an emotion. You aren’t a sore spot in my body. You aren’t a regret or wishful thought. You aren’t a desire. You aren’t a question. You are just a memory of what was, what could have been.. and what I never care to revisit. I’m free…
Just to let it out there im even braver than you had met me. I see the silly shit show you had as friends and the veil in which I had once sought you as true love… I see now as an immature human. You wanted to live the life you felt you never had, now you seek contentment and happiness and I know all you hold is sorrow and regret in hopes for someone else to validate your story tales.
I came back braver. I came back with loving myself even more. I came back over time to find what you saw in me was what you wished you had. You couldn’t control me, or stop me. You couldn’t prevent my shine. You couldn’t take me down…. And in the end maybe your work and effort back fired. Maybe the drinks and other ransoms and secrets just couldn’t be held in. I even was shown a dumb ass picture of you someone showed me under some stupid sexual page and I’m not surprised…. You always had a way of; going above and beyond I suppose? Even your friends I had blocked seem to hold this mirror of stupidity to social media as if it’s ok to do this while it was found to be… hilarious.
I can finally say I don’t care. I’m smiling. I’m free. I don’t need anyone or anything. I don’t hold back… I don’t give a shit.
This is for me. Dear self, look back in humor. Look back in self reflection. Remind yourself how you shall continue to move up, be stronger and get more in which you deserve. The past is exactly what it is. The Past. I am proud of your endless courage
And bravery and abilities in which you were vulnerable. But I’m also happy in which you are now at peace with it all.
May more amazing things happen for me. And this is me finally being able to say… goodbye.
And May all that you deserve come to you.