I feel fucked up from this. You fucked me up. You spun me around in circles and went back on everything you said. You said you wanted to be with me but I just had to wait until you got your financial shit in order. You asked me to be patient. You asked me to be compassionate to your situation. But what about me? What did you do for me in this period. Absofuckinglutely nothing. I hated how much you said I was a priority to you because that was a lie.
I hate that you said your ex wasn’t an issue when she was. Even if you didn’t have feelings for her anymore, saying you’re not ready for a relationship, when you initially said you were multiple times, fucking hurts. Canceling our trip fucking hurt. I knew this was going to happen. I knew we should have never booked something so premature in our relationship. And the night after we ended, I didn’t cancel anything hoping that you would realize what an idiot you were being. But you did cancel everything. And then you texted me and asked to let you know when I sent you the money for the things I booked. I hate that you did this to me. I hate that you wasted my time and made me believe that this would work out. I dreamed about our future together. I dreamed about us moving in, I dreamed about us creating a strong partnership together. But I guess that’s why it was all dreams. I want you to be the person you showed me at the beginning. But that person isn’t real. It’s John on his best behavior. It’s the John trying to pretend he’s not a mess and a terrible communicator, Johnn. I miss the beginning and I miss you. I miss us, but I know this won’t work.
IDK why this hurts so much but it does. It really fucking does, and I really miss you, but I can’t let myself reach out to you.