Goodbye Handsome

Dear Handsome,

This is a letter I never thought I would have to write. This is a situation I never thought that we would be in. After 5 years of a starry crossed long distance relationship it’s over. We were so solid for so long and so madly in love. You looked at me and said that you just didn’t love me anymore and you were sorry. You just shrugged. I said I guess that’s it, there’s nothing more I could say and I left. I walked away.

Things between us had been difficult for a while. I realise that now but I didn’t want to abandon you. I still loved you. We had so many plans, plans of running away and eloping in the woods. We had plans of having our own little house with pugs. We have been planning our move for over four years, well I had planned our move. You didn’t really try because at then end of the day, you never really wanted to. You just let me believe you did. You said you didn’t mind where you were as long as you were with me.

I loved you with an overflowing heart. I honestly thought you were the love of my life. I used to say this to you, the first time I saw you, I saw forever in your eyes. I really did. I thought I had loved before but nothing like this. It took my breath away just looking at you. I thought you were made of magic. I wanted to give you everything and I did. It’s just a shame you didn’t want to give me the same. It was exhausting trying to prove my worth to you.

We were happy for a long time together so I don’t regret anything. It was too long, we went through too much together and there was too much love there to waste time regretting.

I agree, maybe the love did burn out. I just miss the friendship, the incredible friendship we had. I had never felt so seen and so loved on so many levels. A love like that is rare and a once in a life time phenomenon, well that’s what I used to think. It’s unhealthy to hang onto that now if I want to move on.

Yes, handsome we had a great love and we were happy for a long time together. You fell out of love with me and I forgive you. I forgive you for all the cruel things you said to me towards the end. I forgive you for manipulating me and making me feel small. I can’t hold onto that pain any more. You caused me enough pain towards the end and I’ve cried enough over you. You are gone now and yes I do see things sometimes and want to tell you about them. I doesn’t matter because you don’t deserve me love anymore and that’s what I’ve come to realise. The love I have doesn’t belong to you anymore, it’s my own.

I have to forgive you now and move on.

Goodbye handsome.

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