Day: January 10, 2022

It really isn’t all about you. There are a billion other people on this planet. Why do you act so spoilt rotten? It’s not going to come across well to a lot of people. There is more to life. You could start earning people’s respect, by not behaving as if your entitled to the world and it’s exclusive kingdoms that no-one can even get into without some magical key. I don’t know anyone who behaves quite as entitled as you do. Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue, and accept that the whole world and it’s axis, doesn’t revolve around YOU and only YOU. Jmho, but I think that your parents didn’t give you enough attention or love. That can’t have been very nice for you. Yet please don’t take it out on the rest of the world. You’re just making yourself look stupid and ignorant.

Hey love,
Its been awhile since I last wrote on here but here I am. Its been 8 years since we’ve last connected and you told me you were getting back with you ex.

My birthday was this past week and you reached out mom to inquire if I was married? When she told you no, you told her a brief update about your life. I know you and I know you wanted me to know that. I appreciate the birthday shoutout. But I wonder if its genuine, considering you are no longer with you wife. Not sure what happened but I wonder what you think of you now.

To be honest, I miss you and was hoping you would reach out to give a birthday shoutout. Funny thing is you haven’t notice that I unblocked you over a year ago and you could have just wrote to me indirectly.

One day, you might need me more than ever before, but right now, why would you even bother believing that in the present? Believe this, I’m older than you, so I’m WAY more experienced in life. I’ve been that girl who managed to escape from a bad guy, who i used to be in a relationship with. Not because other people were telling me to leave him, but because I could see right through him MYSELF. In his actions and the way he said certain things. Deep down in my gut instinct, I knew really that he was too much trouble to stay in the relationship with. Just because I was once engaged to him, it didn’t mean that I should have felt obliged to go ahead and marry him. It also didn’t mean that I had to stay in the relationship. I have my own mind as much as anyone else does. I can also choose who to be with for the long-term, just as much as anyone else can. Please don’t stay in a bad relationship just because it pleases the other person in the relationship. It won’t do your sanity any good in the long-term. Just because you haven’t found a man more deserving of having you, yet, it doesn’t mean that you won’t find him ever. It takes patience. And if you do want children with a man, somewhere down the line, just make sure that he is wise, and has a sensible head on him. No more of the street gang crap. I think you know YOURSELF deep down, that some rapper street gang member isn’t really want you want. Also, just because you might have a crush on a guy, it doesn’t mean that he is the right one for you. Love is very different to just having a crush on someone. Please don’t be sucked in and manipulated and used by men from street gangs anymore. It won’t do you any good.

When I’m not feeling well or need a pick me up I think back to camping trip to Zion. I wasn’t feel well one of the days so while everyone went to the Zion visitor center I stayed behind at the camp site. When you came back you told me a very sweet story. When you were little you would get stickers when you were not feeling well. So you got me a sticker from visitor center to help me feel better. That was such a sweet and it did make me feel better.

I think the time has come to go our separate ways. Fully, this time. If you can’t be bothered with it, then neither should I. I’m sure you’re just stringing me along. Whatever you’re getting out of this, must be hilarious to you. Well good for you, but it’s not really doing anything for me. What’s the point of keeping my phone number if you can’t be bothered then? You’re ex girlfriend was telling me a few days ago that she actually thinks that you’re not worth the trouble. I actually believe her though. You’re only putting in half-hearted effort. Glad I didn’t hold on to that ring after all. It doesn’t matter if I remember you years down the line, it won’t stop me from being with another lad. It’s the truth. Memories are just that. Memories. It’s not as if I would die without you. I just think it’s a shame, but never mind, life goes on, and I always move forward.

I’ve only just realised that I’d forgotten your birthday. Don’t scold me for it. It was with all of the hype about christmas, and what with your birthday being in December, well it does clash with christmas a bit. 28th December. I have remembered your birthday every other year, apart from THIS year. Hope you’re not angry with me. I would never mean to do that. I even forgot my aunty’s birthday, because her birthday is in December aswell. Her birthday is on christmas day, so yeah. I will just get you a late birthday card and a late birthday gift. I wouldn’t forget your birthday on purpose. There’d be no point. xxx

I have always had a thing about you. You’re impossible to please. You’re the bad one. The one who has all the qualities but you’re also a f up. You’re my one that got away.. and you went down this path of horrible consequences. I would have given so much to be yours. I believed in it, dreamt of it, prayed for it. The first time I saw you I thought “yep they will be mine” and you were but you were also always out of reach. I’ll never know if it was me. You’ve apologized more times than I can count. I never can believe it. I wont ever believe it. I have a note in my phone of you telling me you loved me. And I read it sometimes and wonder how true it really is or ever was. I wish I could have been what you wanted before you ruined your life. I wish things could have been the way i wanted. I hear songs on the radio and think of you. I have this weird connection where I can literally FEEL when you’re thinking about me… and when you’re going to reach out. I dont know why with you. I wish I could turn it off. I wish the ONE single time we were both available for something it would have worked. Instead you turned into a junkie and left me standing there with a broken heart, a load of doubt about what is wrong with me, and a lot of unanswered questions. Maybe one day things will be different. Maybe not. I do love you though. Deeply. Truly. Stupidly. You taint every relationship I have because all I want is you. Whatever we had, it was powerful and messed me up and continues to.

Do you feel my longing?
I am sure you have forgotten
As if I had slipped out of a chasm
And into the dwelling of my own tears
While you floated away, unaware.
Locked in a prism of yearning,
The spectacle of light keeps me entranced.
But you have moved onto more shiny people
And I am still collecting poems written on walls of glass ceilings, unwilling to shatter
The mirage, the veneer of false possibilities.
It is not your fault you cannot love me.
You have always preferred wildflowers and sunny skies
While I have thought myself less of summer skies but a little more like Spring.
I am nothing like the poems you write
Of bold, intangible, undefeated women
And their intoxicating allure.
I think the best part of knowing you
Was that you helped me heal from things
I feared every day of talking about outloud.
And the worst part was knowing
You would never come close.
Do you hear the violins orchestrating another love ballad?
No, you have not.
This time though I hope you have deaf ears
And feel freedom wedged between the chapterbooks.
I know I am trying to find the purpose nestled in between each volume.