I took your advice and went to the dentist

You told me that I looked like shit and that I needed to fix my teeth. You wouldn’t let me hang out in the basement with you because you thought I looked so bad with my teeth the way they were. You called me “chiclet-head” and you threatened to punch me in the teeth. You told me to go to the dentist and if I didn’t then I couldn’t come play at your house any more. You told me to stop airing out my filthy mouth because the sight of my rotting teeth made you want to retch. You called me “fuck face” and screamed “go to the God damn dentist” at me in public and embarrassed me in front of my minister. You asked me if I could eat corn through a picket fence. You asked me if I flossed with a beach towel.

Well guess what? I went to the dentist and he told me I had severe periodontal disease. He told me I had the worst case of periodontal disease he had ever seen in his life. He also said my tooth decay was outrageous. He told me he was going to try a new technique on me. He said I was a lost cause. He pulled all of my teeth out and then he nailed all the hairs on my pubic mound and he kicked my ass up and down the street while his staff cheered and clapped.

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