I miss the old me. I miss myself. I miss who I truly am. I never thought that my joy and hope for life would be stripped so easily from me. I thought I was strong. I don’t know if I can look past this. I hope someday I can find my centre again but for now I am just a broken compass.
Day: October 25, 2021
Dear Stephen,
Why does it still feel so wrong that I’m still down here on earth, while you’re up there in heaven? It just really makes no sense to me. You passing away from cancer made sense, but when I had such a strong soul connection with you, I can’t fathom why after three years of being yours, you had to depart this earth this soon. I just feel robbed of spending more time with you. I feel like we should have had a few more years left to spend together, but it’s okay, because I understand that given the amount of physical pain you were in, you just couldn’t hold on for much longer. I have to be okay with that. I know deep down that if you weren’t so riddled with cancer, you might have been given a bit longer to stay alive. I will never get over how nice you always were. You can’t possibly be regarded as an ex of mine, because we never broke up. You passed away, so I am not sure what that means I call you now. Ha ha. Hope you’re having fun up there. Don’t eat TOO many Jaffa Cakes while sat at that magical afternoon tea, up in heaven. Otherwise, I might have to kick your a***, once I meet you once again in the place we call heaven.
What a fool
I’ve wasted my life caring about people to whom I’m not really that important at all. If only I could care about myself the way everyone else seems to so easily, maybe they wouldn’t be that important to me either.