to my love

to my love
it’s been over a year now, but i’m getting tired of you bringing up your first love. i always heard people say ‘it sucks when they’re your first love but you’re not theirs’ and i never understood it until i heard her name for a year. you don’t bring her up as frequently as you did before – granted, you hardly bring her up at all now – but yesterday when you told me how much you loved me, you felt the need to say how you only ever loved one other person like you do me, and it was her. it’s been over half a decade since you last spoke to her and you only dated her for 2 months but i know you still search her up on social media and i know you think about her more than you let on. but what about me? it’s been over a year since we’ve been together – a longer and more serious relationship than you ever had with her. after over half a decade of no contact, it’s so unhealthy how you just haven’t stopped thinking about it or let it go. sure, maybe you think about it much less now, but you need to let it go and forget about her. i hate knowing that you think about her even though its been so long and it was so short lived even when you were with her, long before we met. i hate hearing about it and i hate that you think about her and i think its so unhealthy that you’re still dwelling on it years later when you have another girlfriend but i can’t tell you any of this because it’ll just hurt you or anger you, and it’ll only negatively impact our relationship. i wish you would just get help and fucking forget about her once and for all. let her go. stop stalking her on social media. stop thinking about her and stop thinking about what you had with her. i can’t deal with it anymore. i hate being second place, and i hate being second place to someone who did you dirty and who is no longer in your life, who has moved on herself and who exists only your mind now. i hate being second place to a memory. but i love you too much to tell you any of this, or to walk away.