Pain is what I feel. Pain so mind numbing I wish for death for it to stop. Pain as I cry for the love I lost. Pain in the knowledge that the one I loved saw no worth in me to fight for. Pain that I am here and he is there. Mind numbing pain that I was a fool. Pain that he is with another and a child they have been blessed with. Pride brimming in his very veins for the gift that the heavens have blessed him with. A baby, a beautiful baby boy. I remember my prayers of before, my lamentations for the thing I so longed for. Scared and doubtful I reached out but my fear overtook my senses sending me running away from the one whom I thought was my answer. Alas I came up wanting. What is it about me loving were I am not loved. Needing were I am not needed. Giving were nothing is given back. What is this cross I bear. None have cried for me. None have needed me. None have seen me worthg to stick around with. None have wanted to help break the walls that so ruthlessly keep me prisoner. Mind numbing pain at my failure for love. Mind numbing pain for loving that which does not love me. Mind numbing pain for seeking that which does not seek me. Mind numbing pain for needing that which does not need me. Mind numbing pain for praying for that which does not pray for me. UMind numbing pain. Is this my lot, this pain I so bear. Tears trickling down my cheeks I ask myself what is the use of life if one cannot attain that which brings life to everything, which is love. For without love all is in vain. All is for nothing. For love is life. Love is purpose. Love is grace.


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