i dont even know where to begin.
we loved each other, didnt we? that wasnt fake, was it? im questioning everything now because nothing makes sense anymore and life feels so empty and pointless. im in apathetic self destruction mode, and my heart hasnt stopped physically hurting since you gave me that look when i asked if you still loved me. you were magic. we were magic. i understood when you didnt want to be anything “official” because of your shitty ex. i understood because ive been there, and it’s valid. but do you want to know what else i thought? what i told myself, what i told close friends? i thought that i was perfectly fine with waiting until you were ready for an official label because i could feel in my heart that we were going to spend our lives together so i was in no rush, we had the rest of our lives. i fully felt that. i felt it so deeply. i loved you more than words can ever describe. you told me you loved me too. did you mean it? was i just a rebound? was i just a fuck? did you even mean it when you said it? in every moment i felt like my soul was being touched, were you unimpressed? bored? disgusted? unaffected? i told you how much i loved you. it wasnt a secret. i told you consistently. if you had told me to stop, i would have – but you told me you felt the same. for the first time in my life, i FELT loved.