You must think I am stupid. Any person with a half working brain would not have randomly tried to initiate conversation so fast after your realization set in. Does it scare you that you have no idea what I know or are you frightened with what I do with that knowledge?
You piss me off. I am not a mean person….but stop testing me. I graduated college a long damn time ago. Go sit down.
Sincerely Britney
Jordan’s memorial was held behind the The Trading Post out by Red Rocks. They prepared a lovely space white chairs that sat about half of the attendees. Rainclouds loomed overhead with a few threatening drops as a promise of what was to come. Softly Somewhere Over the Rainbow played as her family and friends gathered. Sean greeted us briefly after arrival but was swiftly moved on to other grievers offering condolences.
We found a little deck to sit on and were offered up a pamphlet by Jordan’s aunt, on the cover her beautiful face beamed out and inside a paper butterfly with violets pressed falls out. A eulogy followed by various poems fill the pages , those I read to my child as music pours down the rocks from the above amphitheater and casting a larger than life ambience.
We listened to a few family speakers who worked closely with her and praised her adventure seeking spirit and emphasize the nature of her crash as a freak accident, then her dad was up and he shares a few personal stories , one where as they listen to Twisted Sister’s We’re not going to take it, Jordan asks “what are we not going to take?” And he responds “It, we’re not going to take It.” As he finishes his story the downpour of rain begins and he mentions how she would love weather like this before they concluded with an intermission as everyone attempts to crowd under the balcony. We take that time to leave as we did what we came to do and there was no need to put the kid through the downpour.
From the pamplet:
Love Never Fades.
It Never goes away.
Though my body is not here.
My love for you is strong.
It grows bigger and stronger.
Each memory keeping me alive.
In the area of your heart.
Love never fades.
It will never go away.
Silently, I walk beside you.
Watching our tree grow.
Every day, Every moment,
I am there,
Like a tree,
I will be with you.
Does Anyone Else
Isn’t it funny how day to day nothing changes, but you look back and everything’s different.
Well, everything’s different. That’s a good thing. It’s a great thing. So many choices now. Life is so damn good, right?!
I wish you well as you can be babe. You’re tucked away in a little bottle in the corner of my mind. On the shelf. I could “only if” all day long, but it changes nothing for you.
I got to go and try not to hurt anybody.
Sincerely
Kind Soul of Wonderland
Do you know how addicted I am? U must. Waiting for you to write something… No one said it was easy.
I’m sorry.
I don’t know what I did. Or didn’t do.
Please come back.
I wish you would take care of your shit instead of blasting it on other people. It’s like there is no room for anything else in your head. You’re responsible for taking care of you. Grow up.
we’ve never had a single personal interaction where I didn’t give you money.
Obviously I KNOW you know what I’m talking about. I just hope that me and you can carry on with it for the rest of our lives. I miss you hugely. The more days that go by without me seeing your face, the worse I feel as time goes on. I don’t think I could even be with anyone else if me and you ever break up. I’ve had enough relationships over the years. Well, two long-term ones, that lasted for years, but I want mine and your relationship to be the final one.
I guess the thing that surprises me the most is your classification of us as exes. Really? When did we date? Was I so devastated every time you told me how embarrassed you are of me or how worthless I am that I simply forgot about all the dinners we had and movies we went to? Was I so flummoxed by your seeming inability to express any variation of “please”, “thank you”, or “I’m sorry”, that I just spaced out all the times you wished me happy birthday, or merry Christmas? Maybe every time you responded to an invitation for intimacy with emotional abuse my memory blocked out a really heartfelt conversation we had or some amazing lovemaking right after? It must be. Like that would make some sense then why you’re always so disappointed with how I fail all your expectations.
I may be a lazy alcoholic manic depressive mess pissing my life down the toilet faster than anyone could imagine. But at least I’m honest with myself. And you for that matter tho I don’t really owe you anything. I tried really hard for a really long time to make something real happen, but apparently you’d rather believe something actually did and I fucked it all up by myself. By either or our interpretations, is it any wonder I don’t care about anything at all now when what I cared about most went so poorly for me? There’s a bunch more I could say, but let’s be real, you don’t care, about me, about my feelings or what I have to say.
When we can’t…
Mr. Car Wash,
I see you rolling up in that nasty Winnebago which you probably live in. I’m not sure why you own a car wash and yet your motor home looks like a dirty roach motel. Can you see the irony?
Why are you banishing customers from your car wash? I didn’t need to vacuum my car the other night but I did need to wash it. You assumed that cleaning out the interior of my car was all that I needed to do. No, I had plans to wash my car as well but you banished me on the spot because you accused me of theft of services by not paying $1 to vacuum my car. That is no way to bring in more customers. There are so many other car care options in the area, so I have no problem spending my money elsewhere.
