Yearn for love

A warm hug I would love
A loving kiss I yearn for
A hand I would love to hold
Side by side I would love to walk
With the man who only can walk with me
Unafraid and unperturbed by who I am
Side by side to walk
Side by side to grow
Side by side to live
Side by side to love
Side by side to face this world
Side by side by side by side



Neil, it has been 12 years. I was scrolling your pictures with her just a moment ago, you seemed happy, you looked happy, you are happy and I am glad that you are indeed, happy.

Time isn’t really on our side since the very 1st day that we met. I just hope that I had the courage to tell you back then that I love you but I was a mess and selfish and broken. You’re too good for me and I don’t want to ruin you and drag you to my messed up life.

I wish I can tell you that nothing really changed in 12 years, but I can’t do that, because you’re getting married and again, I don’t want to ruin what seems to be the best days of your life. It’s cliche but, if there is a parallel universe, I hope I didn’t push you away.

I’ll keep on loving you, just like what I always have, from a far.

I have your back!!

Hey girl. Yes I DID accidentally over-hear how he was planning to take me off my fiance. He’s a pretty loud whisperer. But why even say it within earshot in the same room as me? As if it isn’t uncomfortable and awkward enough anyway, without having to live in the same apartment building as J. I think J thinks that he’s irresistible to every woman on this planet, but wake up dude, you’re actually quite RESISTABLE. I don’t want some little boy who is only 20 years old. I’m not being rude. I just need J to see past his naive teenager-like thinking. A lot of men go to the gym. A lot of men wear football tops. A lot of men drink beer, well, about half of them. So how can J be thinking that he’s more unique than most other men? Well he isn’t. It gives me something to look forward to, to watch him squirm when women’s husband’s or boyfriends start telling Jordan how it really is and how he needs to get a life and stop flirting with their women. I do not feel sorry for Jordan. He knows what he’s doing, and he’s going to get himself beat up pretty badly one day. He knows what he’s doing. He isn’t just some young naive innocent harmless lad. He’s not a nice person. And I need to stay out of his way. And I have that choice in whether I want to exit the room whenever he walks in. Yes, girl. I did pick up on it. And when I was sat with you yesterday, I could tell that he was only coming over to me to try and convince me yet again about how my fiance is “Not being genuine with me”. I can decide that for myself I don’t need Jordan telling me who to be with. If I really wasn’t sure about being with P, then I wouldn’t be, but I am, so I must be quite okay with P then. Especially when I consider the lies that the care home manager used to tell me about P. I should know. I’ve spent one-to-one time with P, so don’t ever tell me that I don’t know P. Also, why would I bother throwing away a four-year relationship for some naive 20 year old? No way. I know what true love is.

Your Mind

It intrigues me. I just really wish you would have told me that was what was going on. I spent so many years hiding from this. Not acknowledging every time some random dream or event or overstimulation occurred. I shut down when people would address it occurring. I shoved it under a rug and threw the rug in a closet and prayed it would stop happening. I just decided to wear sunglasses and withdrawal. I wasted time and money going to the freaking ear doctor countless times and even made him place a tube in my ear because I wanted it to stop.

You are like me ….that’s why when I asked you about working out as you sat there smoking….your explanation was you had to balance it out. The good and the bad. I laughed because it’s a pretty dumb thing to say but ….to me I understood.

What the actual fuck

What am I supposed to do with this knowledge and how do I control when it happens? I am exhausted. I want to be normal.

Sincerely Britney


Everyone has it the wrong way round. Love before career. Every time. Our hearts don’t break when we leave a job. Our hearts break if we leave our life partner. You’ll never find ME coming home late from work or doing overtime. I care too much about putting the important people in my personal life first. I don’t really care much for expensive holidays to wherever. That’s just a bonus. Maybe I take extra care of my relationship with my fiance because I don’t want to end up bitter like the many other women who have got divorced. They end up hating men after divorcing. Slap me if I ever become like a bitter divorced woman.