Day: July 3, 2021

My life’s muse,
Here I am at 61 still acting like a love struck little boy, what a douche I am! Well kid it’s time to bury our dead and forget, yes forget. I will never know why I loved you or desired you so much, never! It just is so damn sad I was so deluded and wasted so much of my inner thoughts on you. I made you into a soulmate and made the second worst mistake of my life, thinking you had a soul. I don’t know if your just crisp from pounds of weed being ingested, completely dispassionate to others, seeking revenge against men for past hurts, so egotistical as to bat people around like a cat with a toy, or just plain stupid. Probably a combo of all above.
Now you can always fall back on the “I saw you as an old friend” line of shit but you played the game and like an asshole I fell for it again and again. Now all your weapons are gone, your old with absolutely no sex appeal AT ALL! HOW’S THAT TASTE? I’m moving on and we have accumulated enough to not worry about where or how we will live. We ain’t perfect but we do care about each other, something I would never have had with you. I’m really not sorry for your position as I know you deserve it, your a C-nt plain and simply a C-nt! Good bye bitch, the heart is free of you!

Words cannot express

On one hand there’s the fear of who you really are, what you really meant, I’m afraid of you. I’m afraid of who you may have showed me you are and who we became, who I became

I can’t see how it could be fixed or how I’d even want to if that, that darkness is really who you are.

It’s so sad to find you are more than likely not who I thought you were. Nothing is what I thought it was then and I fear what I see it as now. So much fear. You could never have treated me like that if you cared. So long ago.

And in the passing of years you have shown nothing better than no remorse, and now I’m thinking of all that turned out to be maybe one lie after another. If I’m wrong how could you let it end without the much needed communication, the things I needed to understand.

There’s just a tiny whimper of hope left. I wish you’d do something to show me that hope is worth something, but I doubt you ever will. Its not dead but it’s dying.

I don’t think I’ll ever love again so passionately, I just wish I had have had that passion for someone else and never had met you.

Love is like a dying ember.