Month: May 2021

ASA
What’s on your mind?

Looking back, for all the time we spent together, it was always like we kept a nervous physical distance. Like we were both concerned what sparks might fly or explosions might detonate if our bodies got too close.

There was one time I remember, you broke the ‘safe’ radius, came down and sat next to me. In your mind, you probably thought, he’s a nice guy, I’d like to get to know him better. That thought took you about 2 secs to process. Little did you realize, in that same time, my mind converted to the strongest supercomputer on earth, and this is what I processed:

Why is she sitting next to me right now? Is it so I can get a closer look at the new shade of lipstick she’s wearing? I bet she picked it to make me want to kiss her more; that worked but now I want her pretty lips wrapped around me, I won’t shower my dick for days just to see that shade smeared from how good you sucked me. And what’s that? A lower cut blouse than usual? Did I somehow drop my cool and you saw that after a long and successful partnership, I was revoking my favored plaything status of my dick, so that your lovely breasts would be my official favorite toys. Like we’re laying in bed, you’re reading a book, and I get bored so I take your breasts, one by one in my mouth and enjoy. You can keep reading I don’t care. Now I’m getting crazy, this is all clearly in my head. But wait a second now, the way that you just closed your legs….I know what that means. You want me to grab your kneecap don’t you girl? And then slide my hand slowly along your thighs, parting the way to the gloriousness between your legs. Let me ask you a serious question. Do you keep your pussy tight for me baby? Will you teach me the virtue of patience, when only my tip fits and I have to gently struggle to fully enter you? No, I’m crazy, it’s all in my head, I can tell from the way you just swiveled in your chair. Unless you didn’t want me to forget about that juicy booty. Clearly you know what you want. Because when I flip you around or bend you over and take you from behind, letting out all the frustration and angst I’ve bottled inside for the very occasion, it gonna be that sexy ass I slam into over and over again. Good thing, otherwise I literally might break my dick off inside you like a prison shank so I can be constantly fucking you. I guess the only question I have left, and believe me it’s the most important one, but baby, where are you gonna let me cum? Down your pretty throat? All over your chest? Would that make you proud to see all my desire manifested all over you? Or maybe, if I’m a good boy, will you let me have the one thing I want more in this world than anything else? To cum inside your perfect pussy. Because it’s one thing to fuck you, and it’s a whole nother thing to claim you as mine and only mine to please and fuck and please and cum inside til you have no doubt my dick is all you’ll ever need or want.

I said the worst things I could think of to you, because I could never let you hurt me again. I paused and thought about it.. then said it anyway. I knew it was wrong. I was ashamed as I said it. But I had to. I had to make you never want to talk to me again, because I didn’t trust myself to put you in my past. I want you in my past and need you in my past, but knew I’d always take you back. However, keeping you in my life was detrimental to me. You hurt me too many times, over and over again. I need to heal, so I had to push you away. I’ll always love you and even I fought myself for doing what I did after I did it. But I know living without you is my future. I hate myself for what I. said though. I didn’t mean it, but I had to do it. I’m sorry and I love you. I’ll always miss you so deeply. May we both have extraordinary lives from here on out. Wishing you many blessings.

i’m sorry that i slept with the guy you liked, i am not trying to make excuses but at the time i had no idea how much you liked him, i was very drunk and had a crush on the same guy since freshers but i never told you. would it make it better if i told you i also liked him? probably not. I hate how somehow girls have developed a system where even a crush means you have some sort of owership over a boy. I can’t lie, it’s a little childish but i guess i should have respected how you felt and the fact that you wouldn’t do it to me.
But you can’t blame me for everything, it takes two to tango. Everyone else knew but also decided not to tell you. Did you really want to know? He just needs to tell you that you two are never going to happen.
I know I am in the wrong but also you have to realise that it meant nothing and was so long ago now. What am i meant to do? Boys really mess everything up.
I don’t know why i’m even writing this, all i want to say is I am sorry and i can’t make it up to you i know but i wish we can forget about this mess

I want to start with I’m sorry. I’m sorry for coming on so strong. I’m sorry for expressing my feelings the only way I knew how. I’m sorry I couldn’t make you happy. I wish you could have felt the way I felt about you… it was the purest of love.

I realized that I had to let you go and get rid of anything that reminds me of you, including your initials on my shoulder. I already started getting it removed and I have no regrets. You were right, I shouldn’t have pledged my loyalty to you.

I would have proposed to you if you never called the police on me. I realized I don’t want a bitch who would do something like that to me. It was the absolutely the best way to destroy any feelings I had for you, so good job. I’m not bitter; I feel bad for your future husband. You could do better than me but I could do better than you too…

It was an eye opener to see how you treated someone who loved you with everything… I will never forgive you, I will never pursue you, and I will never love you again .

I use to think you were my soulmate… lmao 🤣 now I just think you’re a cunt . You showed me you’re evil, toxic, and everything I don’t want in a girlfriend.

I hope I never see your smug bitch face again. You’re stupid enough to drown in your shallow life so I’ll leave you alone forever. I’m just going to forget about you like you forgot about me. Congrats, my heart doesn’t even ache for you anymore. I’ve moved on and you could be dead for all I care. Go fuck yourself, I hate you.

-Tinman

Want to say a lot but fall short of words to explain how much I miss u. Wish everyday for a chance to be with u just as u and me.
There is so much to loose in this but there also a possibility of great new experiences n fun. Wonder if we could be little selfish? Would u take my hand n join me for an adventure around the world?

Thank you for what you’ve given me.

Among the trauma and the broken trust that I’ve gathered in my time with you, there are some other things I’ve gotten as well – and those are what I’m grateful for. I’ve gotten strength.

Scars are tougher than the skin unmarred, and I am more than scarred – I am tougher than the untouched person I was before.

I’ve become less naïve; I viewed the world with the lens that everyone meant the best, and no one would try to hurt me. I don’t believe that anymore; i look at strangers with scrutiny and suspicion, aware of the ways in which people can behave – with a full intent to cause harm.

I’ve picked up the ability to lie and manipulate, because you taught me the best. The best way to play mind games, and pick apart the person you love, witling them down and debasing them to bring yourself up – because only by bringing me low enough could you use me as a stepstool to feel that much higher, that much stronger, and that much better about yourself.

Fuck all the lessons you taught me though, because I would have done anything to not have had to learn them in the first place.

Manipulators will make you think you’re crazy when you point out their game.
1.YOU set the expectation that you might see me sometime tonight.
I did not ask when I would see you next, you volunteered that.
2. 10 hours later(9:15pm) after no texts from you at all, I texted asking if you’d gotten caught up and if you weren’t coming over to just let me know.. “im gonna try to start cleaning up the apartment tonight if nothing else” I followed it up immediately “im guessing u got busy.. its cool just let me know” because I didnt want you to feel pressured to come by and yes, honestly I had other things to do and it would have been ok.. i just wanted the courtesy of knowing to either way.
3. it is now 10:15 and Im typing this as a “relationship post mortum”…
4. got a text back from you…
It doesnt matter what your text says now though…

I dont want a relationship with someone who thinks “little white lies” are ok.(You admitted a week ago you dont think white lies are bad)
I dont want a relationship with someone who openly admits they dont think about me at all unless they are actually in my presence.(You admitted a week ago you dont)
I dont want a relationship with someone who can’t understand why all of that combined with this type of manipulation is just wayyy too many red flags to over look.
You were setting me up for disappointment. you were setting me up to be upset over said disappointment and you KNOW me, I will stand up for myself when you were being thoughtless and rude so that you could then take the stance of being the injured party because I “lashed out”… I don’t lash out.. i speak the truth and if my pointing out your game playing BS makes you look like the “bad guy” then maybe you should be re-evaluating how you treat people. I certainly have re-evaluated your presence in my life and you’re fired.

I know you’ll bitch that you were visiting with your child.. because thats when most NON-custodial parents visit their kids is saturday nights after 9pm … that im xyz.. that im lmnop.. ect.. ect..
I know you’ll let yourself off the hook and take NO responsibility for being an inconsiderate ass and I give my condolences to the next woman you string along with games while pretending to really want a relationship.
We’ve played this scene before.. I remember it.. its what you always do.
I’m ready for an actual love story now and it may turn out to be a story in which the heroine falls in love with herself and her truth.. then I’m ok with that too.. Sometimes I do hate how hollywood makes women think if they make a life for themselves and are happy with it, that the man of their dreams will find them…
Some of you men will make a woman thankful just to be completely alone and cherish her freedom from dumb shit

So why did I not fire you last week when you opened your mouth and were actually honest with me for the 1st time since I’ve known you? I didnt want you to feel punished for the only time you were ever honest with me.. and I didnt speak to you either. but I let you know I needed time alone.. and now here we are.. you believing you still have me fooled.. thinking im still willing to dance to this sick tune you play.. not anymore.
I just needed to watch it happen again, to verify .. I love how i “test theories”.. how I allow people to show me exactly who they are..its like setting up a nanny cam after the kids tell you that they didnt eat all the cookies but have crumbs all over their faces… I just wanted to watch it for myself.. not because I didnt know better. It was just my way of hearing you say goodbye in the nicest way you would ever be capable of..

There is nothing left to be be said except the damage has been done on both sides. I can forgive not not forget. No matter how I slice it you did betray me and I consistency stabbed you in the front with the same knife you put in my back. I know you’re sorry and I am too but outside of being civil adults I want nothing more to do with you. Don’t worry about me I’m doing fine. Take care of yourself stranger of mine

I’ve wanted to thank you for. I don’t remember what it was but you got on me a little for being out of pocket, talking about what one should believe or how one should act, when my own life is such a mess. You were right. Thank you for helping me realize before I made an even bigger fool of myself.