I said the worst things I could think of to you, because I could never let you hurt me again. I paused and thought about it.. then said it anyway. I knew it was wrong. I was ashamed as I said it. But I had to. I had to make you never want to talk to me again, because I didn’t trust myself to put you in my past. I want you in my past and need you in my past, but knew I’d always take you back. However, keeping you in my life was detrimental to me. You hurt me too many times, over and over again. I need to heal, so I had to push you away. I’ll always love you and even I fought myself for doing what I did after I did it. But I know living without you is my future. I hate myself for what I. said though. I didn’t mean it, but I had to do it. I’m sorry and I love you. I’ll always miss you so deeply. May we both have extraordinary lives from here on out. Wishing you many blessings.