Because I had to

I said the worst things I could think of to you, because I could never let you hurt me again. I paused and thought about it.. then said it anyway. I knew it was wrong. I was ashamed as I said it. But I had to. I had to make you never want to talk to me again, because I didn’t trust myself to put you in my past. I want you in my past and need you in my past, but knew I’d always take you back. However, keeping you in my life was detrimental to me. You hurt me too many times, over and over again. I need to heal, so I had to push you away. I’ll always love you and even I fought myself for doing what I did after I did it. But I know living without you is my future. I hate myself for what I. said though. I didn’t mean it, but I had to do it. I’m sorry and I love you. I’ll always miss you so deeply. May we both have extraordinary lives from here on out. Wishing you many blessings.

3 thoughts on “Because I had to”

  1. This is looking at it from the other side.

    You never HAVE TO hurt someone. You always have a choice. You can tell them the truth or take the cowardly way out.

    If someone hurts you, and you don’t want them in your life anymore at least tell them what’s going on. Look them in the eye and be honest about your own feelings. Don’t stab them in the back then go off in a corner and feel bad for yourself because it was “what you had to do.” It can be traumatic to have someone pull this kind of thing on you.

    You have no idea the lasting damage the purposeful things you said may have done to the other person.

    Please make this right. You know what you have to do. And if you don’t how can you live with yourself?

    -someone who is still trying to heal

  2. There’s more to this than your glimpse and subsequent synopsis of my reality, so please stop projecting, M. I live with myself just fine. I’m also someone still trying to heal. Focus on your own life.

    1. You’re right. Though I didn’t assume I knew you at all when I wrote that, I had zero clue what your situation was and ended up projecting in my comment. I am very sorry. This site can be good or bad I guess. People don’t usually come here because their lives are great and relationships are whole and they want to spread joy and love. Sometimes… not usually I think.

      I strongly believe communicating the truth does less damage in the long run in any situation but sometimes it’s not possible. I can see I responded with too much conviction. It (clearly) reminded me of someone in my life who thought that hurting me to get rid of me was the best way to control things on their end, rather than being honest with me.

      But I realize now that you said that they were hurting you first and that was why… That didn’t happen in my situation. In my situation they had moved on and just didn’t want to look like a bad person and be honest about the timeline, etc., but it ended up making things worse for me to be lied to on top of it all. I apologize for not showing empathy there – I have no idea about your situation.

      Hope your healing is going well.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.