Lets make one thing real clear right away. It doesn’t matter what you say if literally all of your actions are in the polar opposite direction because then your words are meaningless. All these years wondering why you kept me at such a distance, never gave me anything more than the bare scraps of your attention and affection, believing all your excuses and at least trying to forgive all the times you hurt me even while you refuse to this day to acknowledge that you ever did anything wrong. You know, they used to laugh at me, like right to my face. A lot of them. It made me feel so foolish, but at least now I understand why. They were right. I sacrificed and was humiliated and broken down time after time after time, and you acted like you were doing me a favor. And you told me you chose me even though, lets be honest for once, you didn’t. You could’ve, but you didn’t. You would say anything to always get what you want and never have to confront yourself about your own behavior, wouldn’t you? But I worked really hard on myself, my anger, my expectations of you. Maybe it really was all my fault. Maybe I was too weird or too angry or too broken, or whatever else you’d have me believe, and you were just perfect. And then here we are, going on 9 years later, and you haven’t changed a damn bit, have you? No, its cool, you rock a Jesus piece, so your actions don’t actually matter. I can see it all so clearly now: you’d let it go on forever, just like this. And all the time I spend blaming myself for why things happened the way they did, you’re spending pining away over your ex that you’re clearly still obsessed with and that you picked over me the first time! I used to hate her so much, but you know what, she didn’t do anything wrong. It was you, it was you the whole damn time. Holding onto me like some last gasp failsafe plan, just in case nothing else worked for you. And gee, what a surprise, you’re alone, just like me. Could it be you’re so in love with yourself that you have absolutely no clue how to love someone else? Not like an animal, that you can just leave some food out for and they will still be grateful to see you whenever you come back. Like an actual human being with their own complex set of desires and needs. It doesn’t matter now. I’m no one’s plan B. I deserve so much more than you were ever willing or probably even capable of giving. So, go, go try to be with her again and her fancy cars, if she’ll even take you back. Good luck with that. I’m finally done with all of this, like I should’ve been years ago. Have a great life.


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