After seeing my mother in her care facility today it dawned on me how our similar situations in that were what made us toxic in the first place.
For me a big part of my acceptance, adjustment and mental well being, after her stroke; was talking about the good and the bad times with someone who was going though a similar situation. I honestly didn’t understand at the time how much talking about her slow yet steady recovery. Constantly reminded you on how your mother will never be the same again and is progressively getting worse. I get that; I understand that now.
The pain that comes from revelation is you resented me for that. The worst part is I did nothing wrong to deserve that resentment. You above all people should at least understand that just because my mother is doing better doesn’t mean its any less painful to see her, it dosn’t change the depression and the heartbreak of knowing that she’s never going to be the same; and her bad days just makes everything so much worse.
I’m no saint, yes I did make my mistakes and I played my hand in what ultimately lead to our final down fall…mostly out of the pain of what you did to me out of what came from your unjust resentment.
If you hate me that’s fine all I ask is you hate and resent me for what I’m accountable for…and not for the shit that you know for a fact isn’t my fault.