Day: March 8, 2021

Dear G,

We’ve never been together, and I’ve never told you how I feel, but I think you are pretty close to perfect. You are smart, principled, honest, beautiful, modest, and kind. I don’t think that there are any qualities you could want in a person, that you don’t have. You’ve not been 100% happy lately, and that makes me sad. It’s not my place to get involved as things are far too complicated, but please know I’ll always be there if you need me. I’m blessed to have you in my life, I’m only sorry we can’t be closer.

S

Of course, I understand it’s all about confidence. Like, literally, everything in life.

It’s rare, but at my very, very best, I am undefeated. If I care enough, I will not lose.

The rest of the time…. that’s where you come in. Partner.

Dear S,

i hate how much you dictate how i regard potential lovers now: guarded and skeptical. I don’t think your mind games deserve an iota of thought but here i am, fucked up and scared from your baiting.

i love you and i hate you. i wish i never met you. i wonder how happy I’d be right now if i never met you. i compare everyone to you. you don’t deserve to be a standard but im just so fucked up.

i am fucking tired. i’d appreciate it if id never be reminded of your presence.

Ironically lovingly yours,
H

“This is how she wants it.” That’s what the man said before I boarded the train. That part was crystal clear. But I woke up immediately after he said that. I thought about it all day. A lot of the dream is fuzzy now, but I know there was a burgeoning relationship between us. I don’t remember why I was living with your family, just that there were at least a couple times we were about to be intimate that one of your parents walked in and interrupted us, accosting me for taking advantage of you while I lived in their house. After one of these encounters I was told to leave. I walked by your room, to see you before I left. But your door was locked and it sounded like you were listening to sad/breakup music. So I walked out the door, (conveniently your house was right next to the train tracks), and I walked towards the train, seemingly waiting there for me. Then the man (train porter? your brother? Idk) came up to me and said “This is how she wants it.”

And like I said, I thought about it all day, but I figured it out in about the first 5 minutes I was awake. You want this to be Diana Prince and Steve Trevor, or maybe Princess Diana and Charles Windsor. Mary and Mr. Pamuk or Mary and Matthew. Daenerys Targaryen and Jon Snow, or Catelyn and Ned Stark, or maybe Talisa and Robb Stark. Juliet and Romeo. You want this to be a tragedy, in the classical sense. Two lovers who can’t be together because of impossible circumstances. But here’s the thing….

We can be.

Tell me I’m wrong.

do you ever think of me?
and if you do, what is it you think of?

remember always?

Hey,
You have been on my mind a lot lately, and I have wondered how you are holding up despite the circumstances you are in.

It made me think that you may not be the person that I thought you were. What happened to you? What transpired in your life that made you act out the way you? Or did I misread what I found out? Did she have something to do with it?

I wonder if I’ll ever get to talk to you again? If you’ll be honest with me? I often wonder about our future? Will we end up together? Total Endgame. I think so!!

I hope you are well and I miss you………….

Best,
Love (Your Baby Always)

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again:

I’m very grateful to have you right now.

You effortlessly sweep me off my feet everytime, and I find it annoying because I feel like it’s getting harder to win you over.

Oh your beautiful soul!

Dropping blessings everywhere

Running amuck and still

Being a splendid masterpiece

And a wonderful work in progress!

Come lay down your bones.

Rest easy.

Knowing in this plethora of light that your

Existence makes

Any dawn brighter!

Any stars shine more!

Oh heavenly world,

Oh captivating and infuriating shooting star.

My thoughts got dizzy, my heart

Full since the minute you came around.

Oh relentless and rambunctious

Soul!

You rattle my bones.

You pivot my empty to feeling whole.

Let me dance in your majestic kindling!

Raw. Vulnerable. Honest.

You remind me to exhale the crumbling pieces.

It doesn’t matter the canyon width of longing

Or the tumultuous curve of bending roads.

No matter for ego or dreams to come to fruition

You are messy art work, the fun, soul ablazing kind.

And I hate how angry you get at times

Or worse, that I actually think your anger is justified.

I want days to soar for you, to have soft, chuckling eyes

To decipher your deep hurts as patches of frost and nothing more.

And I hate how lonely I can feel your bones rustle with some cold truths.

But you could never be

Cold to me.

You help this crazy, babbling soul

Remember what its like to thrive

In a relentlessly, dying

Winter.