If I had to be honest and tell you how I truly feel

I was inspired by this tik tok video that asked, “what would you say to the person that you want to be with?”

If I got to tell you how I truly feel. Is that from the time I met you when we were 12 years old, is that you are truly one of kind and are special. Your spirit and energy are just so beautiful and that you are filled with light and love. The funny thing is that you make me want to be better, when I’m usually the person who encourages others to be better versions of themselves. When we last connected, I felt a warmth and a sense of peace that I’ve never experienced before. To this day from 2014, I have not made that connection with anyone. I think about you often and I’ll wonder if we are truly meant to be or if we’ll ever get the opportunity? I know right now you’re dealing with a lot and have somethings you’ll have to figure out. Either way just know that I love you and always have.

I saw this comment by a person who posted to the tik tok mentioned above “I would say let your guard down, give me a chance to love you, and I’ll love you properly. You have my heart. I’ve already fallen for you.”

Hoping that one day I get to tell you all of this in person and that you’ll be receptive to the idea of you and I together forever.

Your friend still, I hope…

Ah so it has been a little while, we’ve both been “out” as such, and soon we will see each other again. I can’t say how happy I am, also how sad, I have determined that despite the excuses or, reasons why not as you would call them, I will be everything I can, do what I can to be right for you.
Of course as you said and I admit, I cannot change everything, but I could and would be what I said, whether you believe I can or not is a bigger thing to convince you but the other things, well one of those plays on my mind now.
I know the break I need to make, but when and how is a thorny issue, though you could imagine that if indeed the issues mean you will never say yes even if you did change your feelings, then why would I bother?
Well I must I feel, can life drag on with being partly happy or not at all?
Well I don’t know what the future holds but I do know I am stagnating doing what I am, what a waste of my life that would be to persist that way.
This year I have some things I have to do. You are part of it, to become someone you love or at least cement a deeper bond between us because I love you I want to be in your life and matter to you.
Career needs that shove which I will ensure it gets.
And the other thing, yeah it has to get at least to the point the subject is brought out if not fully dealt with.
For now, I will settle for seeing you when I do, and be blessed I get to it is the sunshine in my day the moment I lay eyes on you

Of my shoulders

I have to get a few things of my shoulders. My thoughts have been circling around the same stuff for quite some time and a few new things joined.

There is this one guy, I liked him since 7th grade, the first time I saw him.
A year ago, we kissed and it felt like heaven. One Problem. My bestfriend used to like him and pressured me to stop talking to him or else I‘ll lose her.
I haven’t talked to him since and my heart aches everytime I see him in my class. I just don‘t know what to do and feel so lost.

My mum just had an Operation and I was so scared, she is the only family that I have left, since my dad has been in prison for almost 4 years now.
I don’t have anybody else and now even my imprisoned dad has COVID.

Sometimes it’s just a little bit too much.

I have always dreamed of studying at this university but since my dad‘s lawyers cost us so much and my mum is working alone I will not be able to go.

To be honest I guess I‘m fine. I feel guilty complaining but hey..life goes on right?

Just had to get something of my shoulders..

Its almost our 12th year

In our 12th year memory i still feel same as first day i knew you when we was just 25 you were pretty, beautiful, shining muy everyday , and the only one who can extract whole of my feelings out even with your craziness and your on and off times, i was really still loving you but .. the day i refused you back because your weren’t actually ready to back and from that day 5 years ago i never speak out the truth to you i am just vanished out of your life with my pain i just hided it deep inside me and gone even i knew from mu family you asked about me once or twice and no one was able to give you any clear answer . That’s because when i saw you married and happy and got a baby i said to myself it’s really over . Totally over and no way back .. i won’t talk about the feeling what caused me to cut you off and refuse even any kind of communications with you because i told you one day i afraid you make me go away because if i am gone i know myself i will never back and it was as i said because i am straight man who respects himself and his word , i stepped on my heart many times but I wasn’t able to do it again that’s why i left you that day in the hotel and i never look behind i really changed that day after you refused officially getting marry with me but the weird thing is you say you still love me .. i just left and i am totally cracked and i was expecting your answer before i meet you , and untill today i still see you unhappy in your new life and asking about me and i still as I promised you absence and exists around you by you don’t feel not because i want you back but because you werenthe only home to me i knew in this life .. i am sorry for being hard to you but i gave you what you wanted that time your total freedom even i am still single and just working hard … Refusing dozens of girls untill today i just can’t feel any of them
I am fine don’t worry about me somewhere very far on earth alone working hard , fighting covid 19 like everyone , composing new songs and writing lyrics alone, and i still watch the rain when it’s fall sitting front of house when i am free and watch it … Nowadays you really hit my mind too much i feel you not ok but i hope you’re ok .. even after 20 years as i said to you my soul will be always around you i want nothing but just to see you fine and the best always .. past is past you’re beautiful mom now protect yourself, your daughter and your husband from any danger around we’re all in this together and i hope we can pass safely take care of yourself my ……
Your …..

Count the dots to find our names 🙂

i’m sorry but still like you.

Dear T,
i messed up, again. i was to scared to start a relation ship last year. and i didn’t mean to lead you on. i liked you but was always to nervous to go for it. to say yes to you asking me out. to try. now i’m sure you hate me after the two times of you asking me out. I never meant to hurt you, but now that you’ve moved on i’m hurt. i always thought we’d give it a try, i’d give it a try eventually. i guess it’s to late now. but i’m sorry for saying no even when i meant yes. i just wish you’d give me one last chance.