What She Will Say

Ok so you said we’ll talk, and I have a sinking feeling I know what that means.
So here I will lay out what that will be, then show you I predicted it.

So the why you think we need to talk is, the e-mail.
You think that I think you secretly like me but won’t admit it.
Well newsflash, I know you don’t.
What I said, was simply about the fact you felt bad, when you told me what you did, well I just wanted to be clear, you need to forgive yourself.
And when you did find a person, don’t put that pressure on just you.
I find that you are an amazing woman, so I believe anyone would be crazy to not want to matter to you and earn your trust and respect. It is why I said, tell them the rules and if they won’t play, say bye.
Quite simply, if I was lucky enough to be the one (and again, I know I am not) I would wait for you, because I absolutely respect you, I absolutely support your beliefs.
Oh and the ironic bit?
Years ago I prayed-If you are real, then find me someone who makes me happy, excited, who I would love to share my life with. And I said, look, I will adopt a faith if you do this, there is only one being who could, so either make me love who I wish I could, or find me one who ignites a fire in me, then I believe.

Then you came along, oh the amusement to find out your belief. But I said, ok god, I love being around her, I respect her, I am happier in her presence, so, if she wants me, I will wait, but that she wants me, well it matches everything else.

But it’s a joke because the original prayer was when I realised I just am trying to do the right thing but i forgot as my faith waned.
When I added on to that prayer, it was because I still did not believe but kind of wanted to.
Now how I know you aren’t interested? Well because we both know your reasons fall flat.
Even the converting, because I would be a better one than most others, and that’s absent faith, with the faith definitely.

But it does not matter, you know all the things I could say, you haven’t any doubts on what person I would be, willing to do the thing you said (the naughty thing) willing to support you, be there, you know I’d be faithful, that I would be willing to wait for you before doing anything, that I want to know you, that nothing you do could be shameful and that i would listen and care.

But it doesn’t matter, you can no more force yourself to feel than I can force myself to switch it off.
But make no mistake I know you don’t, as such I won’t be pressuring you, hinting or asking, that was why I said, if you ever change your feelings, just say.
On the assumption that just wont happen, of course I am gutted, you are gorgeous, funny, entertaining, exciting just make me happy. So, I will shut my mouth and take what I can get

One thought on “What She Will Say”

  1. OK, so that wasn’t what happened.
    I guess my own mouth preempted it, instead the three big stumbling blocks remain, and whilst I believe she doesn’t feel a thing she insisted the issues are not mere excuses.
    Kids. I have she doesn’t and doesn’t want.
    Age, I’m a fair bit older.
    Religion she’s devout, I’m essentially a non believer.
    Kids.. Well she never has to do anything and would not see most of time anyway, but of course I can’t erase that, nor would I want to. But is the couple times a week that insurmountable?
    Age? Pfft, I am fitter and stronger than people half my age and look it.
    It can be a barrier but, if you’re happy why let it be?
    As for the religious angle, heck I’d be converted on the spot if she said she felt for me the same way, but even if I weren’t, I’d adopt her faith to the letter.
    So what can I say?
    Nothing, because she hasn’t said she would want me anyway.
    So I just take the good, I am still in her life. She makes every moment near her precious so ill take that, and be blessed I even get to share any moment with her.
    For that alone is worth so much, she’s once in a lifetime and I will accept it as it is, being that’s better that not knowing her at all

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