I’m so confused here. My heart will always want you but my mind is so sick of feeling tricked and lied to. I think you have this way of making people fall so helplessly in love with you that everyone believes they’re meant to be with you. Which makes my situation a lot less special. Maybe I’m just brainwashed and I’m not meant to feel this way. Maybe we won’t end up together. It makes me sick to think about that. I have never acted the way I act with you. You make me so crazy I lose my mind. I wish that it were more simple but if it were maybe I wouldn’t want it as much. I wish I knew the truth about how you feel about me. I wish we could just spend a night talking and crying for hours to finally come to a conclusion about us. I don’t know why I feel so strongly that it is you, but I do. That won’t leave no matter how hard I try. What do I do? Do I keep trying to move on and hope that feeling leaves? Do I try harder to be with you? Do I leave my heart open for you in case one day we are both ready and sure about what we want? You have this pull on me, but not just me. On everyone you meet. You leave this mark that sticks with everyone and they cannot ever entirely get over you. How are you so convincing and wonderful at the same time? How are you so intriguing? You frustrate the fuck out of me and make my crazy white girl come out but It’s scary how much I think of you—I think the world of you, I think of you like this amazing untouchable person and it’s possibly the worst and best thing that’s ever happened to me.

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