Back Again

It’s been a long time. I was scared when I found out you were gone. But I pushed forward and on a whim I looked for you again. Now I’m back when I needed you most. I lived my life bowing to other people. I couldn’t be my own because I found myself most comfortable when I was in pain. Now I’m here and she makes me happy. It’s just like before. It was too fast. She’s focused on her self but she says she’s mine. I have no reason to not trust her… I’m in my own head again. I guess that’s why I wanted you back. A place to speak my mind and ask for help. Because when I hear her voice, my world is perfect. My world is her. But when she’s away, I doubt myself. I hate myself for not being enough. I have many regrets. Many storms I’ve abandoned. Many friends I pushed away. People I dragged through the dirt from forever away and then lost love for. Family that says they’d welcome me out there but are just as broken as it is here. I hate this town and these people… that’s what I say atleast. Honestly I just hate me. If I’m sad, she’s depressed that she hurt me. I console her as I cry to myself. I’m loosing it. But I’m back now. At this place that saved and scared me so long ago. Right when I needed you most. So tell me… where do I go from here? Do I run away from this place that I’m drowning in, run to a girl who says she loves me? Or do I stay in this place that has a career and safety, but makes me wonder if I’m truly worth anything? Or will I be haunted by those I’ve hurt, that I’ve abandoned, and my scared past, where ever I go…


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