I miss you. I miss having someone to talk to, even if only one night a week. I miss looking forward to that night throughout the week. I miss the way I felt when I was with you. Being with you made me feel special, but not like in a ‘hey everybody, look at me’ kind of way. More like an everybody fades away and its only us kind of way. Those brief moments felt timeless to me.
But that was a long time ago. You don’t make me feel special anymore. You make me feel like a loser. You’re unavailable emotionally. I feel entirely unheard anytime I try to say anything to you at all. There’s never a time, a good time or a bad time, when I feel like I can go to you. I don’t think you even like me anymore, you don’t ever act like you do.
I don’t see any kind of clear path forward for us. All this time I’ve tried to become more mature, more patient, more understanding, less angry. I thought maybe I could reach some enlightened level of growing up where you would finally respect and value me. But things are more or less the same. And Im getting tired of expending time and energy on this when you could change everything by pushing a few buttons. Of everyone who orbits around your life, I think you actually treat me the very worst, with the most disrespect, or maybe even contempt. Whatever, I’m more used to being alone at this point, I don’t really need you to exist, and you clearly don’t need me to live your best life.