in my head

To You,
They say that you never miss your ex you just miss the company but I find that hard to believe considering how I feel about you. It’s been 7 months since we broke up and I still cannot manage to go a day without thinking of you. I know you do not want to think of me or ever see me but that is okay. Even though you hurt me and I have a million reasons to hate you, I still cannot find one that will truly make me hate you. You came into my life when I least expected it and I never realized the power you had. My emotions soon relied on you. Never in my mind would I have thought that I could have loved someone as much as you and here I am, sitting in my bed writing a letter to you that you will never see. I miss hearing your voice whether it was over the phone or through replayed audio messages. I miss your enthusiasm for things that you are passionate about like sports. I remember being excited to see you play because I knew that you had a strong love for basketball in the way you played. I miss being your number one supporter and being able to watch sports with you. I look back at the moments we shared and wish I could go back. I miss your laugh and how you lit up every room. To others, you were just another person but to me, you were my entire world. You made me realize things about love that I never thought possible. I never truly understood the importance of having that companionship until I met you J. The compassion and love that I have for you after being broken up for so long scares me. It never crossed my mind that we would break up but when we did, it was the worst thing. Not only did I lose my boyfriend but I lost my best friend. You were a part of me and when you left, you took that part of me with you. You left a hole in my heart and I have yet to find something or someone that fulfills me the way you do. I wish you would have given me that second chance to show my love and appreciation for you. When you hurt me repeatedly, the last thing I ever thought of doing was breaking this. Your first move when I messed up was to just break it off. Was I not worth it enough to you? I think of what we could have been and it saddens me. I miss you more than you know. I miss spending days with you no matter what we did even if it was just cleaning out your massive collection of cards. I miss the moments we shared and I will cherish them forever. Moments spent with you have ultimately turned into memories which I struggle sometimes to remember clearly. I wish I could go back and just hug you one more time. I wish the last time I told you was not the last. I want to go back and be in your arms. I want to tell you that I love you, but that I cannot do anymore. I wish the best for you no matter what happens in this life. I love you more than you know and I hope one day we can reconnect. I will love you from afar and continue to pray for you every night. I miss you.

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