D,
I texted you last night, for the first time in probably almost a year. On occasion you have texted me, but I have never straight out made first contact, and when you contacted me I barely replied. Anyways, I was listening to a song that talked about forgiving people, saying they were sorry. So of course I thought of you.
We have been through a lot. Friends, “In like”, friends with benefits, Hate, Acquaintances… and I just felt like reaching out and seeing how you were was a good idea. That I’m over the hate, and the past, and everything you put me through, and probably everything I put you through. However.. I’m not sure that text was meant to really fix a friendship. I just kind of meant it as a “hey I’m sorry, can it not be so awkward when we run into each other from time to time.”
But I think you took it in a “lets go back to being friends again.”
We were really close, honestly you were up there on my “as close to best friends as possible” list, but honestly… though I can put everything behind us, I can’t forget it.
You hurt me a lot, and you used me, and you made me scared that when it comes to relationships…you are the example of what every other boy wants. I forgive you, I made mistakes by letting things get that far…but at the same time…I could never trust you again.
I feel like becoming friends again, or you wanting to, might take us back to how things happened last time. I know I don’t want any of that, and I know better now… but I just worry that it could happen again, and I’ll get hurt.
I could barely handle round one of whatever it was we had… I’m worried that you asking to hangout again is only going to lead to round two…
I am sort of regretting sending that text.. I should have thought this through better..
~S