• Boy who refuses to follow his heart.

    by  • August 24, 2011 • 0 Comments

    I’m trying to understand why i constantly still think about you. I keep hoping one day you’ll reappear in my life, if that day comes then it was meant to be. If i find another love again, then you were never “it”. I love you, but i have to move on. You left me. So get out of my head and stay out of my dreams, please.

    If you love someone you set them free and that is exactly what i did, now it’s up to fate.

    Love always,
    The girl who made you think twice.

    Just Tell Me Why?

    by  • August 24, 2011 • 1 Comment

    To The Boy Who Broke My Heart,

    It’s 2 AM, I’m thinking of you. SHOCKING? I wish. You must cross my mind at least 25 times a day. It’s been almost 2 weeks since you said good-bye to me, yet I stare at my phone at times, just waiting for the opportunity to say hello to you again. You broke my heart, you know that. Yet, the day you said it’s over, you seemed like you didn’t care if you never saw the girl “you love” again. My eyes dripping with tears, you just drove away like nothing had just happened. Every day I see things that remind me of you, I can’t enjoy my day without thinking, WHY?

    I lay awake at night wondering…
    How you could just say good-bye so easily?
    How you haven’t talked to me since then?
    How you can just break my heart so easily?
    Why do you have this power over me still?
    Do you think of me, the way I think of you?
    Will he ever “love” me again?
    Does he still love me?
    Is he going to date other people?
    Am I really not worth trying for?
    I tell myself I don’t love you anymore, yet I still do. Why?

    You’ll never know the pain I went through when you broke up with me.
    I still love you, even though I know you probably don’t feel the same.
    But after all is said and done, I just want to pick up the phone and tell you…

    Just Tell Me Why?

    Another Let Down

    by  • August 24, 2011 • 0 Comments

    Why does it seem that you have been the root of all my problems? Why has my life been fine until I let you into it? Why have you turned it upside down with your alcoholic ways and your manipulating bitch of a wife? Why have you let it get this far?

    Tonight, I read from someone’s letter to the people at their father’s funeral. The writer can no longer talk to her/his father and the family is in ruins. Well, dad, our family is in ruins and you’re still alive. I’m not saying, and I would never say, that you would be better off dead…but it almost feels like you already are. Fix this, daddy.

    Love,
    Your baby girl.

    You’re far away

    by  • August 24, 2011 • 0 Comments

    You’re in another country.

    I have no ownership over you. We’re not even together anymore. Yet I feel like I do, like you’re mine.

    I miss you. Please don’t forget me, ever. It’s the one thing that scares me the most in this world.

    Some day you will ache like ache

    by  • August 24, 2011 • 0 Comments

    Dear M.C. ,

    I still love you. It’s winding down to the end of the summer, and I still haven’t gotten over you. It’s been about four or five months since you broke up with me. I have to say, I know first loves are the hardest, but you weren’t my first love. You might be my last. As for now,I say this because I don’t think anyone can replace you. I know it may sound cliche but that’s how I feel. Don’t you know ? I miss tugging your thick raven black hair. God I miss that, pulling on it as if it were my reigns. I love how your body towers over my small frame. I miss your eyes, your intensity, your “personalities” you told me about your multiple personality disorder, but wouldn’t go into it. I did everything in my power to study your “illnesses” your schizophrenia, your bi polar diagnosis, and depression. I spent countless hours studying these subjects just to learn more about you. The odd thing is, it never seemed as if you had a mental illness, no matter what you told me. You seemed perfectly fine if not “normal” at least more normal than I am… I supported you in whatever you wanted to do. Whether it be spend more hours writing, going to your counselors, trying out a new medication, or whatever. I was there for you for everything. I accepted you as you were. Why did I have so much anxiety? I always felt like I was doing something wrong. I don’t know, I felt like no matter what I did, I upset you and made you happy at the same time, I guess it’s weird. I just want you to know that you’re absolutely amazing to me and I’m sad that you broke my heart. I’m more than sad, I’m smarting. So much so, that if blood could drip out of every one of my pores, I’d be dead. But I’m sure you know how that feels, you tried to commit suicide, and ended up in the hospital. I feel like it’s all my fault. I feel like I shouldve known better than to treat you like shit after you dumped me. I was in so much pain,and had no outlet, no friends. You took them all away from me. I’m not going to stop writing until i get this all out. the reason why you dumped me was for reasons of being a human. I’m female, I get emotional, at times irrational, I may make mistakes but you know what? we all do damnit. You also said you weren’t happy, but if you tried to kill yourself after the relationship, doesn’t that kinda prove that you were happier in the relationship? Well allow me to apologize for being jealous when you talked to other girls on FB, and let me apologize for lying to you about the puzzle piece and countless other petty things. Let me say sorry for all those white lies. My fault. Also, let me say sorry for not letting you know when I got into my building , and staying up till five in the morning talking to you about our relationship. sorry for all the relationship questions and asking questions about who the girl was that you talked to. Sorry for crying alot, over little things and getting dramatic over it. Sorry for being moody and unstable at times. But that’s enough of that. Let me tell you about the things you did that upset me. It upset me when sometimes you were so brutally honest it hurt. like the time you told me you had doubts about our relationship. Why you have doubts? I’ll never understand. I didn’t like how you kinda treated me like a child at times, like when I grabbed the doorknob to a door and you told me it was rude to open without knocking. whatever. I didn’t like how it seemed like you got mad at me for not practicing enough for a certain issue that you know I have, and then going to vent to your friend, without communicating with me. I wonder if you know i’m writing this letter to you. if you know, give me a sign. I’d like paradigms of the universe to show me if you’re right for me. I love you. godamnit i fucking love you. i love you M.C. One day i hoped to be the mother of your children. I knew you’d make an awesome daddy, as you assured me i’d make a good mommy if we work together as a team. How am i supposed to feel after you say such a thing? I want you!! I miss you !!! come back to me, please text me, tell me how you feel. I don’t want to feel anymore pain, and i know you’re going through pain too. i know you still love me, why can’t we make it work????????????

    Heartbreak hotel

    by  • August 24, 2011 • 1 Comment

    I wonder if you ever miss me.
    I miss you every day.
    I wish my heart knew how to stop loving you.
    I go back every day.