• I love you

    by  • January 31, 2011 • 144 Comments


    I have been thinking about how to tell you this for months. At first I thought I would just run up to you and say it. Then I actually considered just kissing you, cutting right to the chase. The thing is, we’re friends. Not only that but we’ve only started to get really close recently. I love it. I love being your friend, I love texting you, talking to you on the phone and I love seeing your face. But, the problem is, I may love you. I really want to tell you, see your face and have you say it back. But, what if you don’t? What if you just look at me with the blank stare you’ve spent your entire life perfecting? What if you reject me? What if it ruins everything we’ve gained over the last year. What if it ruins us?

    I want to tell you so badly, but I don’t want to risk losing you. So I’m going to tell you here. I’ll tell the world instead.

    I love you.

    I’ll change.

    by  • January 31, 2011 • 2 Comments

    I’m going to change, for you. I will be a better person, for you. I will stop all my bad habits, and be the gentleman you deserve, for you. I promise.

    I’m Scared

    by  • January 31, 2011 • 2 Comments

    I realized something. I’m scared.

    Of sex.

    I’m not scared of love, commitment, intimacy – I am scared of sex itself.

    My closest friend, practically my sister, was raped. I’ll admit to being a little jumpier after that.

    I’m afraid of a man forcing himself on me; pressuring me into something. I’d like to think I’m the type of girl who wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone that would do that…but you never know, do you.

    I’m afraid of hurt, physical and emotional. I’m afraid of regret. I’m afraid of letting him – whoever he is – down.

    I don’t think even the one man in my life that I adore “this way” would be willing to go as slow as I feel I need to; gentle – not just outright sex, but emotionally, too – so I don’t get too scared.

    I don’t feel “normal.” I mean, I’ve never felt “normal” about anything, but about this…I feel real ABnormal. Sure I can see how anyone may be nervous beforehand, but this is different.

    The only “excuse” if you will, is just “I’m not ready,” but what is that supposed to mean? It sounds as if the person will get over it, and relatively soon at that.

    It boils down to this: I’m afraid, afraid to ADMIT I’m afraid, and have no idea what to do.

    I wish you would try

    by  • January 31, 2011 • 0 Comments

    I wish I could say I’ve never let you get to me. I wish I could say you weren’t under my skin. I try so hard to stay on top of these things and I strive with my every being not to be the person who is taken over by a boy. I wish I could manage my feelings when it comes to you. I wish I could go to sleep without thinking of you before I close my eyes. I wish I could wake up in the morning without hoping there will be a message on my phone from you. I wish you’d understand that I want to be with you; that I wouldn’t leave you’ that I could make everything so right. I wish you wouldn’t push me away from you. I wish you would let me in. I wish you would let go of your insecurities and fear. I wish you would trust my feelings. I wish you would trust your own feelings. I wish you wouldn’t hold back. I wish you weren’t scared. I wish you would try your hand in mine. I wish you would hold me and not worry about what would happen. I wish you would see your advice and take a chance. If you don’t have anything to lose, why not take a shot? Why am I not right? If you don’t want to get married to me today, maybe if you let me in, you’ll see that you want to… tomorrow. I’m a good person. I’m kind, gentle, sweet. I’ll be an excellent mother, wife, woman, lover, person, friend. I could listen. I would hear. I would make you happy, I know I would. I would make your heart light. I would be your one and only. You would never need to be ashamed of me.


    by  • January 31, 2011 • 0 Comments

    you pull that and now you’re trying to steal my favorite band from me. i won’t be able to listen to them. they mean something to me, my heart, my soul, and i don’t want you fucking that up. you’ve fucked up enough. leave one thing for me. one fucking thing. you don’t even like them that much.

    seriously, m, fuck off.

    i don’t care if you can play that song on your fucking guitar. you never even played it for me, like you said you would.

    fuck you, okay. fuck you. you’re such a bitch.


    I Can’t Keep Dwelling On The Past….

    by  • January 31, 2011 • 0 Comments

    I miss being friends with ye. Why did we have to go mess things up…?? While ye’re some of the reasons I don’t like myself, ye’ve also made me the person I am today both good & bad. The bad being I can’t stand myself sometimes, the good being I’m so much stronger & can brush off/deal with so much more for having met ye to begin with.

    Boy 1
    So you liked me but I didn’t like you, I liked you but you didn’t like me & so on & so on. Do you know how long I managed to keep how I felt a secret? Then one day I decided to tell someone & before I knew it EVERYONE knew. How embarrassing. I knew you knew how I felt too & I know that’s why we stopped being friends. You weren’t interested, I get it…but we were friends once upon a time. You just gave up on our friendship. It was years ago I know that & I’ve grown up & matured since then but I wish things had gone differently because you were one of the most sincere guys I had ever met & 4 years on I’m only realising this because of all the idiots I know at the moment! I hope life is going well for you & I wonder from time to time when you see me in town do you ever wish we still talked? Remember the late nights we fell asleep texting? I wish I could remember what we used talk about. You’re happy now though & I’m happy you’re happy even if it means I’m not part of it.

    Boy 2
    So you liked me but I had no interest in you with your reputation until I heard you really really liked me & by then it was too late, you’d moved on & I did my best to help you out with your girl problems. Then you stopped calling/texting/writing. Why after a few years did you start things up again? Lead me on, pretend you liked me & then after that night, decide you weren’t interested? There’s a reason you get dumped so often. (more…)

    To My Music God

    by  • January 31, 2011 • 0 Comments

    Dear love,

    You mean everything to me. You give me hope and inspiration when I thought all was lost. Every moment you play your guitar, and I hear you sing your songs it makes me love you even more. I feel the passion behind your music, and I wish that those passions were for me as well. You said that you didn’t know if you could ever love again, and it breaks my heart to hear that. But you know what? If you can never love again, and keep me in your life forever, I’ll make up for the love that you can’t have anymore. Please just don’t ever let me go, you mean the world to me.

    With all my heart and love,
    Your Stay-At-Home-Lover


    by  • January 31, 2011 • 0 Comments

    You :

    I have never ever met someone as evil as you. How do you sleep at night? How dared you insult my friend that way?

    He was out serving his country and what did you do?! You posted negative comments on a web page and let all your little friends insult him, you should have deleted me from your friend’s list first.

    That guy you cheated on saved my life, that guy you insulted saved many lives! That guy you disrespected gave you a chance even though you had two different kids of two different fathers, that guy was your fiancee, meanwhile you had someone living in your house behind my friend’s back.

    You disgust me and i am glad he got rid of you, i wish i could send you this letter i wish i could ask you to stop trying to get him back, you hurt my best friend, let him heal it is the least i can ask from you. You do not deserve someone like him, and he deserves at least the chance to start over.

    I know in my heart he is going to be happy with a better woman than you, dude he brought you to my wedding where he gave me away, that is how important he is in my life. he’s family to me, he took you seriously and i saw him so happy that i opened my heart to you because i was tired of seeing my friend lonely, i am so sorry i let down my guard and let you hurt him this way, but life will find the way to make you pay, i am not going to say karma will blah, honestly i want all the force of the universe to unleash justice upon you and everybody who knew your wrong doings and supported them by any means.

    I hope you hurt somehow i really do because you destroyed a good heart, but not forever you will see he is strong.

    And one more thing, you were right i did think you were vulgar and ugly, i just did not know at what extent, inside and out ugly. please let my friend go you have caused enough pain.