I’ve fallen head over heals over a boy, that doesn’t know the first thing about me.
i text him some nights about what’s going on in his life and mine, sometimes i put a smiley face and sometimes he puts one too.
by the end of the convo. he says his phone is dead, and that he’ll talk to me later..well it’s been 5 days..how much later is later..?
i don’t want to text him first again because i will feel too clingy.
but every time someone mentions his name i get butterflies, and my heart beats faster. i just wish we were together soooo bad.
if i see him in the halls, it just gets awkward. i smile at him but he just looks away.
i don’t think this is going to work..maybe i can try to move on..try..
Because you helped me realize who I am, and who I wanted to be. You made me who I am, but I’m probably not who you wanted me to be. You spread my wings, and you taught me how to fly. You made me mature in ways that never could have happend if we never met. Thank you for showing me how strong I am, and how hard life can be without me breaking. Thank you for loving me when no one else was there to do so. Because without that love you gave me I would’ve never known how it felt to be loved by someone who never got to see me. You helped me realize that distance doesn’t matter. Thank you for respecting me, and for listening to me. You’ve changed me in such beautiful ways, and I’ll forever be thankful for that.
I hate you,
Because you broke me. You broke my heart, my trust, all the promises you made, and my ability to fall in love so easy. You almost ruined my relationship with my best friend. I hate you for that. I hate you because you changed, in the most disgusting ways. You have gross habits now. You’re not nearly as respectful as you used to be. You can’t even hold a decent conversation, and you get drunk. You’ve lost your faith in God. That’s what I found most beautiful about you, you were so pure, and you had so much love for God. I hate that you changed, I hate that you made me depressed for five months. I spent five fucking months wishing you’d come back, quite frankly I’m glad you didn’t. You left me when I was most vulnerable, I’ll always hate you for that.
Because I didn’t try when you needed me too. I wasn’t there for you nearly as much as you were there for me. I’m sorry because I didn’t see how much you hurt, I didn’t see that you weren’t “happy” I thought you were. I thought we were happy together. I’m sorry I was blind, and I’m sorry we lived so far apart. I’m sorry for screwing you over, even though I’m happy I did. I’m sorry I got the better end of the stick. I’m sorry I found someone better than me, and you’re stuck with a filthy whore. I’m sorry that I laugh because you’re so miserable. But at the same time I’m not sorry at all, because you left, and you made me miserable for five months. I’m sorry we lost our way, and I’m sorry we’ll never find our way back together again.
I’d never say any of this out loud and I think that I am right now because I’ve reached my breaking point, but I’m happy for you. I really am. You’re my best friend and you’ve found a girl who will make you happier than I or anyone else could. I’m sorry if at times it seems like I’m depressed. It just seems like everyone is moving with the current, but I’m getting pushed under. Everyone in the group has broken off into new ones, even you…you said we’d always be friends, yet you’ve left and joined up with all of them, and we barely talk like we use to. Now I’m left to wander between groups. You know there is nothing worse than being alone, except being alone with nothing but your thoughts. You all are lucky, you have someone to tell “I love you” before you go to sleep, or someone who you can hold in your arms all day and night, and kiss whenever you wish. I know there’s someone for everyone, but I have to know that there’s someone just as broken as me out there. Someone who has given everything for nothing, yet would do it all again in a heartbeat. Someone who will fix me, and I fix them.
If you’re wondering if I want you too…
I want you too.
So make a move…
Cause I ain’t got all night.
At first, when my mother left I blamed her. I hated her for leaving me alone, for abandoning her only child. I thought, does she not love me? But now I realize that it was you. You drove her to leave just like you’re driving me to leave. Except the difference is that I can’t. I can’t just leave and that’s what you need to realize. You need to stop making it seem like it’s impossible to stay home for one night instead going over to your girlfriend’s. I’ve been dating my boyfriend longer than you’ve been dating your girlfriend and I was never allowed to have him over more than twice a month. I never died, did I? You need to stop listening to her and start listening to me. You asked me if I had an issue with her and I said straight up what I felt and all I got was, “You need to be nicer to her.” What about me? What about how she’s been treating me? How YOU’VE been treating me? Don’t I deserve a little more respect? I take care of the house, I vacuum, I clean the dishes, I do your laundry, I take care of the dog, I go grocery shopping and all I get is a father who’s never home? If I could I would move out because I basically live on my own except I don’t pay for anything. But if you’re going to pay for the house I live in, you should be living here too. I am your daughter and I will never replace any body who sleeps in your bed, but I’m being treated like a nuisance. It’s time to start acting like a father instead of a dick.
All because of one person, it’s made a difference in the way that you just want to walk up to that person, and punch them in the face, because you have the understanding that everything will go back to normal. And that person is you. You. You. You. No one else. That won’t change. I’m glad our relationship did. Putting me down, making fun of my family, tormenting my friends, is not okay. But you brainwashed me into thinking it is. I didn’t stand up for myself, or anyone. You only put me down further to boost yourself up onto your high horse. Well guess what…no one actually cares that much to listen to all of the (incorrect) falsifications you’ve generated about people. I’ve figured out your secret that you so absent-mindedly, tried to cover up. Everyone around you isn’t oblivious to the games you’re trying to play. Give it up. The only people you have left are going to leave you once they figure out what you’re really doing.
I once called you my friend, no longer will I cherish that label as you are classified. You are now, in some ways or another my enemy. And I’m proud that I’ve gotten over how inconveniently arrogant you’ve come off to be.
Honestly, give up the act. Thinking you’re the best thing to ever come across a poor girl that only needed a friend is entirely what’s going to bring you farther down into the abyss you’ve fallen into. You’re a miserable excuse for someone I used to call my best friend. My confidence, and happiness has risen in spite of you. You would think after all you’ve done I would forgive you. You’ve got it all wrong. You’ve set me free.