• Learn how to feel something

    by  • July 11, 2011 • 0 Comments

    Why are you always so cold and unforgiving? If I’m angry or sad, you become angry with me, always assuming you did something, and that whatever you did you aren’t to be blamed for it. Sometimes it isn’t you and all I need is your touch. A hug would do, may just some freakin sympathy.

    I would never cheat on you, or hurt you purposefully. If I did I know you would never take me back, talk to me again, and you would stop loving me immediately. There would be no second chances, and no doubt in your mind that dropping me completely was the correct thing to do. Yet I’ve seen so many of our friends go through rough times and they’ve taken each other back and loved each other all the more. They fought for the one they loved. I’m just scared you’d never fight for me… I know you wouldn’t. It’d be “my mistake” and “good riddance” to me. I hate you sometimes. I hate you I hate you I hate you. You don’t know the meaning of passion or romance or anything that isn’t cold hard fact. I don’t think you’ll ever learn. I just hope it doesn’t put a wall between us that can’t be overcome. The sad thing is, if I talk to you about it or get upset about it, I’ll be the idiot left behind and unless I come crawling back to you I won’t have you again. But I won’t apologize for anything else that isn’t my fault. Fuck that.

    I can’t.

    by  • July 11, 2011 • 0 Comments

    Every day is such a struggle. I smile for the world but only God knows I’m crying inside. I miss you. Badly. I love you.

    Heart breaker

    by  • July 11, 2011 • 0 Comments

    I loved you since January 24, 2007. I gave you my heart and soul. To say the least I would have gave my life for you. I took everything you threw at me, and i dealt with it my own way. I stayed up all night waiting on your phone calls, I waited around for 4 long years for you to straighten up. But you never did, we kept breaking up and making up. What else could i do? I couldn’t change you and i still can’t. I was finished trying to make you care about me. I wanted you to act like a man not a child. But you refused to.

    __Hell i gave you my virginity! And u broke my f^cking heart a week later! How would u feel if the draft came back into action then i waited for u to go overseas then dumped you? You would have killed yourself. You made fun of me in front of your friends, and made jokes about what i use to do.

    ~ You tore me down so bad, i turned to drugs, and alcohol to fix my broken heart. For 2 VERY long years, i did nothing but pop pills and drink every single day, because i thought maybe i wasnt skinny enough or maybe i couldnt drink enough for u to be with me.

    Then one day i woke up and realized that i was DONE. That i couldn’t do it anymore. And i told u it was over. I started dating other people. . .Every single time i dated someone you magically wanted me back. Why? I’ll tell you why. It was because u wanted what you knew you COULDN’T have. How ludicrous is that??? Well I found someone who helped me clean up, and who helps me to be myself. I can act like a complete idiot with him, and he doesn’t make fun of me, and doesn’t do half the shit u did to me.

    I really wish i could go back in time and told u no when you asked me to be your old lady. You made me feel inferior to you. You made me feel insignificant. And you told EVERYONE i was a whore and i broke your fucking heart. Well guess what?! I didn’t i finally stood up for myself, and told u to go to hell. Thats all i had left to say to you. Thats the only thing i could do. Was to give up and stop trying to fix something that was COMPLETELY unfix-able.

    ~*Sometimes its better to leave the mirror broken, then to cut your hands trying to fix it*~

    My Friend, Always

    by  • July 11, 2011 • 0 Comments

    Dear “I want to always be your friend”,

    When you ended things a few months back, you said “but this doesn’t mean I will stop being your friend. I want to always be your friend.” We both knew you weren’t over *her*. Your “first love”. You wanted time, and then maybe we would try again. It hurt. I had fallen so hard for you, and given up so much for you. But you didn’t care. Then within 3 days you went off to try and kiss the girl that had your entire school convinced you were dating. And then you told me all about it. I didn’t think it was possible to actually HEAR my heart break, but I swear I did. It was a crisp shattering.

    I had to take time of course, so that I could be around you without biting back the tears. And when I got to that point, I realized that, still, after all you did, I STILL miss you. I tell myself I don’t, so that maybe, one day, I won’t.

    I even dated a different guy. He ended things the same way as you though. There was another girl that he just couldn’t get over, even though she cheated on him. He said he wanted to stay friends, and I did too. He left. Just Like you have now.

    I don’t think you understand. And that’s ok.That it why I’m going to explain it for you. EVERY SINGLE person in my life who has told me “I want to be your friend”, or “I will stay,” hasn’t. every single one of them has left. Gotten bored and simply stopped trying to contact me at all. I reach out, call, email, text, even talk to them. They never respond. I was so sure though that you would be different. That you would keep your word. I mean, you live right next to me, how could you not stay my friend? But you have left too. You don’t often reply to my texts. You only call when you aren’t hanging out with anyone else. Or if you are bored. You make more of an effort to get together with *her* than me….

    She is the one who treated you like shit for 2 years. Being both physically and verbally abusive to you. She was such a horrible influence on you. I would always find myself wondering, “how is it that even after she has done ALL of that, he still would rather be with her than me”, even while we were dating. So now, even though you said you would always be my friend, you aren’t there, you are with her. And that hurts me more than you will ever truly understand.

    I mean, on those nights when I go drive to the top of a hill to watch the stars alone, I find that the view from that hill, and the stars, are the only things reminding me why I’m even alive. You aren’t there anymore, and I need to learn to accept that.

    “always your friend”


    by  • July 11, 2011 • 0 Comments

    would you rather be in Spain with her or here with me?

    Truthfully…i already know the answer…