• getting over you.

    by  • October 15, 2011 • 1 Comment

    getting over you is one of the hardest things i’ve ever had to do.

    it makes me so fucking frustrated when i think about how much time i wasted on you. you never really gave a toss about me did you?
    now i just look like some kid with a crush, well not anymore.
    i don’t really care what people thought went on, they knew what was going on with us. but you never wanted anyone to know, like you were ashamed of me, embarrassed.

    i never did anything wrong, you meant too fucking much to me and to be honest you treated me like shit. my stomach lurched every time i would see another girl even write to you on Facebook, or something so small like that. Urgh.

    We were so close, i say that to myself over and over again in my mind.
    You aren’t even worth thinking about, i don’t want you to be in my head, but you still are.

    Sometimes when i see you, you’ll hug me and be nice, and i like it- good friends.
    But then other times, like the other day, you’ll be a dickhead and act like you can’t bear to be around me and make me feel like a stupid kid once again.

    I wish i could move on as easy as you, i’m sure you’re already at the same stage as you were with me, but now with some other girl.
    well i hope you’re happy, i liked you more than i’ve ever like anyone before.

    But you never gave me any closure.

    I guess it’s taking quite some time, but i’m getting over you.

    I had a dream.

    by  • October 15, 2011 • 2 Comments

    I had a dream that you died. It was the worst thing I could ever imagine. You were lying there, lifeless, on the cold floor. Your usually warm face didn’t smile and you were cold to the touch. It was the most realistic dream I have ever had. My thoughts and feelings were so vivid that I feel them now constantly even though you’re alive. I would dream the worst dreams possible forever if I never had to dream that again; a world without you is unimaginable. Living without you in unimaginable.

    To the broken hearts….

    by  • October 15, 2011 • 2 Comments

    Not every heart that breaks is sure to mend….

    Did someone just break your heart?
    Do you feel like shit flushed away from someone’s life?
    Are you crying as if it’s gonna kill you?
    Do you feel used?
    Do you feel taken for granted?
    Do you feel like a cheap trash?

    Stop caring about one fucking person who’s not bothered about you even a crumb! I know it’s difficult…..damn difficult! I’ve been through…..I’m going through….

    But don’t you feel there’s more to life and people who love you than to such fucking bastards and bitches…..??
    If you feel so down just because someone you loved didn’t care enough….; can you realise you’ll be doing the same to those who love you by giving it a damn it doesn’t really deserve?

    And to those broken teenagers who feel like ending their lives…..
    Is that bitch, is that bastard who didn’t even give you your worth more important to you than your parents who gave you their life?
    Is that person more important to you than those who love you?
    Is that worthless person the only one to live for?
    Don’t your parents and those who love with all their heart deserve you?

    Your life is not worth just a break up…….it’s more than that…..

    I once received a sweet message…
    A clown cracked a hillarious joke….everyone almost rolled on the floor laughing and holding their stomachs….He cracked the joke again….people just gave a small laughter…He cracked it again….no one even bothered to smile…..
    The clown then smiled and asked…

    “If we can’t laugh and smile and rejoice over and over for a good thing…..why do we cry over and over again for bad and worthless pains?”

    It takes a hell lot of time almost killing you but you gotta move on…..

    Be with people who love you…..who want to and who do make you smile…..
    Stop listening to sad songs and making matters worse….
    Hang out….
    Shout out your frustrations and get it off your chest for once and for all…
    Think about people who care for you and feel good…..
    Find out reasons to be happy…
    Do something that makes you happy…..
    Follow your heart…..

    Who knows….maybe you’ll get a second chance with life….maybe a better one….:)


    by  • October 15, 2011 • 3 Comments

    Why do I torture myself? It’s just this feeling that bubbles up in me when you talk to other girls. That sickening, god-awful feeling like I’m going to explode. You don’t understand it because you don’t get jealous like I do. But it sucks. Yet I know you’re just friends…and that she’d never do that and that you would never hurt me. You tease me about it, taunt me, but really it hurts a little bit when you do. I overanalyze and wonder if maybe, just maybe you actually mean it. And yes, I freak out when you want to go drink or party because you’re 400 miles away without me and I’ve realized that I have a hard time with completely trusting people, including myself. It’s me, really. I’m insecure and feel unworthy of someone as wonderful as you are. But I’m working on it. I promise. It’ll get better, just don’t give up on me because I love you.


    by  • October 15, 2011 • 1 Comment

    I lied… I posted a letter on here to my ex and when he asked if it was from me I lied and said it wasn’t. I’m thinking about telling him the truth even though it would seem weird cause I’m with someone else… I’m just kinda confused. I’m in love with the guy I’m with now so why would I even bother posting to my ex… He shouldn’t matter now… but sometimes I miss him… I don’t know what to think…



    by  • October 15, 2011 • 1 Comment

    Never in my entire life have i felt such a deeper connection to anyone. You gave me this life. you gave me a reason to breathe.
    A million miles away and you still made me shine. But with this great thing, gave me the worst sorrow. Years above me, and miles from me, i have died every day i could not see your face. Every day i could not feel your skin, every day i could not see you stammer in the dark to turn the light on in the morning. Every day i could not hold your face in my hands and look in your eyes.
    I have forgotten how to cry. The tears build up in my head, begging to release, and i can’t do it. Because it would be a relief to cry, and that is something i do not deserve.

    It was so much easier to fall in love, than it is to let you go. So here i am, brokenly in love with someone who’s not you. Yet here i yearn, just to hear your voice once more, to hear you chuckle at my insanity, or to hear the deep throated laugh, rise from your belly and into my ears.

    I still smile when i hear your name.
    I still smile when i am reminded of your accent.
    I still smile if i come across your picture.
    Through it all, i still smile.

    I am moving on. I am letting go. I know i always said i would be there in the end, that i promised. But this constant not knowing. It has killed me.

    I love you my Jon, i love every piece of this puzzle, i love every moment you have walked this earth, and i love every future breath you take.

    I will never stop loving you, no matter how hard i try, i cannot banish you from my heart. How you hate these cheesy love letters, i could not find a better way to tell you how i feel. Though this will most likely never reach your eyes, i take comfort in the one percent it might.

    I love you.