• Forever Love

    by  • September 8, 2011 • 2 Comments

    Well hello,

    I want to start off by saying I love you so much you have no idea. There is an unlimited amount of things i could say about you. I truly believe that you and me were meant to be. Meeting you in seventh grade, and falling in love with you ever since ninth grade has been a fairy tale story. A story that is really one in a million. You are & were my first love, my best friend, my high school sweetheart.. No one will ever be quite like you. They won’t make me laugh like you do. They won’t smell like you. They won’t give me that feeling that you give me. They won’t even know half the things you know about me. You have had such a big impact on my life you have no idea. This isn’t just some dumb high school love story..not at all. This is what’s meant to be. I truly can’t imagine my life with out you.. I firmly believe in true love, and everything happens for a reason. Seven months ago you broke my heart. I will never forget that… the day, the feeling, the hundreds of tissues i used to wipe up my tears. But I want to thank you for one thing.. and thats for changing me into the person I am. After what happened I am so different. I Love who i am. I want to say I am sorry though. I am sorry for what i was like. You were my first relationship, but everyone learns from their mistakes. I realize those little fights were over nothing now, but oh well everyone makes mistakes. I really just want you to know that i am, and will truly forever and always be in love with you. You’re too great of a person for people to not love you. Just remember that they won’t love you like I can. They don’t know you like I do. And they’ll never, ever, have what we have. I love you. I want you forever, and i know if it’s meant to be that one day we will end up together. xx

    You Killed My Soul…

    by  • September 8, 2011 • 2 Comments

    I wish your face was an etch-a-sketch. That way when the memory of your face and what you did to me consumes me I can just shake it up and down to watch your face disappear into nothing. And maybe just maybe rebuild it into anything that makes me happy. But life doesn’t grant me this small pleasure. I am just the girl who is haunted by that night you took my virginity unwillingly. You didn’t care, you were twice my age and strong. You chose not to hear my voice and see the tears falling from my face. And you know what, I blame myself. I am cutting again and I can’t help but want to die. I deserve to die, no one is every going to want me! I am used dirty trash with scars on her arms and an eating problem. I am nothing but a failure.

    i miss everything about you

    by  • September 8, 2011 • 0 Comments

    dear j,

    i miss everything about you. i miss how we used to hang out, and talk all the time. we never ran out of things to say. and now it’s weird. you start a conversation with me and we talk for a bit and then it’s over. i miss being the person you told things to. i miss telling you everything about my life. of course, the one thing i want to say to you, i can’t. because i know the response. i just can’t take another, “i’m sorry, kels. i’m so, so sorry.” most of all, i miss that one night, when you held me and for once in my life, i was completely at peace.

    i don’t know if you still love her or not. i hope not, for your sake. i know how miserable it made you feel that she didn’t love you back. but i did. i do. and i’m afraid i always will.

    all my love, always,
    k

    It’s NOT okay

    by  • September 8, 2011 • 0 Comments

    C,

    We have been friends for nearly 10 years. I hope we will be friends to the grave. I love so many things about you. This is not one of them.

    I am not mad that you ditched me to go hang out with a Rock Star in his hotel room. You technically *did* invite me.

    It was NOT okay to:

    (#1) Be completely off the grid for two hours
    (#2) Know that your live-in boyfriend was on his way to the venue
    (#3) Know that your live-in boyfriend has a combo drinking/anger problem
    (#4) Be so tardy in returning said Rock Star that the show went on late
    (#5) Be so tardy that said live-in boyfriend arrived in your absence
    (#6) Setting me up to somehow tell YOUR man you were MIA with Rock Star
    (#7) Setting me up to have your belligerent drunk boyfriend make a scene
    (#8) Not caring about what happened since you got your Rock Star time
    (#9) Not caring about what happened since I’ve let you shit on me before

    That’s fucked up, and it’s NOT okay. The least you can do is acknowledge the fucked-up-ed-ness. I suppose it’s way too much to even hope for an apology.

    Our song- my version

    by  • September 8, 2011 • 0 Comments

    Rob,
    there is only 1 way 2 say these 3 words 4 you, and that’s… fuck you. i lied- i only needed 2 words.

    I just need to say this…

    by  • September 8, 2011 • 1 Comment

    Dear ex best friend,

    I just need to say this…

    I know I won’t talk to you but it’s for a good reason. Truth is, you lied to me, something I do not appreciate. I know I broke up with him many many times but that doesn’t mean that you can go out with him.

    You always said to me “you know, it’s just natural to have feelings for your first love…I mean, they were your first so the feeling was great, you’ll never forget it…so its just natural to have feelings for him.” Well girl, he was my first a lot of things…the first guy I loved who actually loved me back…my first kiss…hell, you were there, in the bathroom with me at that school dance and you saw me, the happiest girl in the world with this big stupid grin on my face…I was literally grinning from ear to ear.

    You were there when I broke up with him…you were the only person who understood why…if anything, you should be the only person not to date him because you know all his flaws…I guess your just desperate enough to date anyone…even my trash.

    Another point, you lied! “oh, even though you said it’s fine, I wouldn’t do that…girl code you know…I’m not that much of a bitch.” …you obviously are because the next day, I was asked by the girl that i haven’t talked to for the whole year “are you okay?” “what? what happened” was my reply. “oh…you don’t know…” “…know what?” “well I don’t wanna have to tell you this but…well, S and C are going out” I dropped my books and cried. Cried because I was lied to, cried because I would never go see a movie with you and go to stop and shop together and stuff out big-ass purses with candy, never go shoe shopping with you, never ride to voice lessons with you, never sing randomly together in perfect harmony, never go to Old Navy and get pj’s to wear to school together, never again would we have one conversation through texts that lasted for days…never again would we just chill…I knew I would miss those days and I cried about it and my old used-to-be best friend was there, hugging me, telling it was all going to be okay. That’s true friendship.

    After I was done crying, I decided to slap him, my ex. Bad idea…it should have been you. I was so mad, you couldn’t imagine.

    I know I had a reason to do it and you may have had a reason too. I was told you didn’t want to tell me because you didn’t want to ruin the friendship…but how does not telling me save it at all? I don’t understand…maybe I’m stupid or something….who knows.

    Well, I just needed to say this and I’m sorry about slapping him…it should have been you.

    Toodles!

    your ex best friend<3