• I still love you

    by  • October 5, 2011 • 0 Comments

    You are the one who broke me. You slept with my bestfriend, you tore me apart from the inside out. I let go and said I was done. Yet, you came back…wanting forgiveness. I said we could be friends but you didn’t want that. You wanted to show me that you truly loved me. But I’m with someone else now, someone who I love…but they are no you. You know everything about me, and I don’t know what it is about you but I’m still in love with you. I don’t know how to move on and I need to. I am happy now, but you still find a way to haunt me. Maybe this letter will help, maybe it won’t. But I’m running out of options and I need to get this off my chest. I wish things were different, I wish it was you with me. I wish I could go back 4 months and change everything. I wish we could still be friends because I miss you like crazy. I wish.

    Me.

    Not sure how to handle this. Please help..

    by  • October 5, 2011 • 7 Comments

    Dear female gender,

    I’ve come to a terrible bump in my road. I’m 14 and live in a small town. For some reason my “cycle” has been slighty off, with mother nature visiting every 2-3 weeks. I’ve never really thought anything about it until my mom noticed. She said it wasn’t normal. I need to get it checked out. Turns out I’m probably going to be put on birth control. It sucks. I’m going to get fat or something because there’s many side effects.. Then I have to deal with the gossip about this happening and probably changing of the reason why I will have to take the pills anyway. I haven’t actually gone to the doctor yet. I’m afraid they’ll make me go to the gynocologist for a pap smear. It scares me. I’m not ready for all of this stuff. I should be worried about school, not having to maybe take birth control. I may sound like I’m overreacting, but I’m 14..still in middle school. I need strength or reassurance that I’m going to be fine. I just don’t know how to take the information yet. Everyone else is normal..

    A Piece of Paper

    by  • October 5, 2011 • 0 Comments

    It all is ending and he is excepting it. So why does it hurt so much that he just gave up, and is okay with it? Why is it okay to give up the fight and not even try, even if it’s from a distance? Who is this person? I woke up one morning 3 years ago and asked myself that question as he was laying beside me. He’s been asking himself that question all of his life… who am I?

    Where did we lose ourselves? How did he suddenly become this monster who treats me as though we are already strangers and splitting everything up? Have you ever been there? Do you understand? I don’t. Too much pain to describe. Too much numbness to feel anything. Too much shock at the things he said tonight that will haunt me.

    Why am I angry tonight? Why do I have to find an explanation for why things are falling apart. It just is. If I could give a magic pill to him to care for me then I wouldn’t give in. No. I don’t want a magic pill. I don’t want to know that it was forced. I want to know that it was real. That all of this was real… that he loves me. All I want to do right now is just yell, “Show me!”

    How could someone so loving, so caring, turn out to be so hard feeling and cold? Where is the compassion? Where is the love that once traced his face? The memories and our big day seem so far away right now. If I look even for a bit it blazes across my hazy mind like a T.V. screen does when it’s lost its connection.

    I said goodbye. He said goodbye. We shook hands in the dark. It was surreal. So where was the dramatic music that would pull us all together in a heated embrace and plead for forgiveness? There was none. It wasn’t a movie. It was real. I feel lost. I know I’m not alone, but I feel lost.

    I want those precious days back. Where he looked at me in a different way, where he couldn’t wait to just spend time with me, where he told me that he loved me and really meant it not only with his words but with his actions, where we promised each other we would grow old together. I miss it already and I haven’t even left the house yet.

    Tonight he fought for sleep. Tonight I fought for us. Is this what you always wanted? Did you give up on us on me a long time ago? Why do I feel that no matter how many questions I ask or how much I try to understand it wouldn’t help bring you back to who you were when we brought our lives together.

    Tonight he talked about who would get the car. Who cares! I don’t want the car I want love, to be loved by you. That’s all I want. You can keep the car. You can keep anything you want, but don’t stop loving me. Yet, as I say this reality sinks in because I’m beginning to realize that you don’t love me anymore. Heck, maybe you never did in the first place.

    You don’t have to start all over again. I do. I know where I’m going, but I don’t know how I will get there. The most shocking thing to me now is that the only thing that holds us together now is a piece of paper. A piece of paper and that’s it.

    (Required)

    by  • October 5, 2011 • 0 Comments

    Dear YOU,

    I’m not sure what to do. I’m in love with you and you don’t want me, period. There should be no hope for a relationship, but of course I’m cursed with loving you. You’re amazing, beautiful, caring, dreamy, and many other great qualities. I think it was a mistake to let you go. You wanted to and it seemed best at the time, but “you never know what you’ve got until it’s gone”. This one is gone for good. Unless some sort of miracle happens and you wants me back, there should be no hope. I should move on and live my life without you. But those eyes, it’s like they’re my kryptonite. You look at me and I’m weak. I know you can’t control it, but it takes me back. Back to all the good memories of us and takes me back to us being us and happy.

    I’m not happy. I’m miserable. I can’t stop thinking about you, dreaming/day dreaming of you, or even stop flirting with you. You totally see past it though. You see me as a friend and good person to talk to. I don’t just want that. More please.. You make my stomach have butterflies, knees weak, and thoughts become preoccupied by you.

    If you saw this you’d think I was crazy. We’ve talked about this and came to the conclusion that we were done. I just can’t go by that. Something is going to happen I feel it. Please, let the feelings take over in you too. We can be happy together, again. Required-needed, must have, ect. They said I was required to write it, so thank you for reading it. I know you’re not Devon. He wouldn’t be on here, but if it is you…love me back. Please. Our happiness it at stake, here.

    ~shaded girl

    Smells Like Teen Spirit

    by  • October 5, 2011 • 0 Comments

    Dear High School Girls,

    I’m sick of high school. It’s all bullshit. I’m sick of people judging me for things that have happened in my past. Yes, I’ve made a lot of mistakes and I regret a lot of things but I’ve changed. I’m sick of girls judging me before they even talk to me because they’ve heard something that happened with a past girlfriend. Humor me, for once, just give me a chance. Because i promise you won’t regret it. I promise that you’ll think of me as one of the sweetest guys you’ve ever met. And yeah, maybe i am a little clingy when i have a girlfriend, but would you rather me cheat on you with some other girl? Didn’t think so. I’m sick of nice guys getting a bad rap. I hate when girls complain saying “Every guy is an asshole”. You know what? Maybe it’s you girls who are the assholes. I can be so nice to you and treat you like a princess, but at the end of the day you’ll go to that guy who’s cheated on every one of his girlfriends and treats them like dirt. Maybe for once in your life, ladies, you should take a chance and date the “nice” guy, you won’t regret it. We’ll love you, and care for you. Our world will revolve around you. And like i said before, we may get a little attached, but we’re attached because we’re loyal, and we love you too much to think of you as anything less than amazing. What makes the “bad” boy appealing anyway? What makes you think that you can change his ways? Cause guess what! You can’t change him, nobody can. But a nice guy like me? You don’t have to change us, we’re already perfect for you, and we both know it. You girls are just too scared to get to know us, to fall in love, to get hurt. Well, you won’t get hurt i can tell you that. In all my life, I’ve had 5 girlfriends, and I’ve been dumped by all of them. I don’t have the heart to hurt people. But, I’ll love you like no one ever has, i’ll take care of you when you’re sick, buy you flowers just because, i’ll make you fall in love with me, and you’ll be happy. Now, what do you get with that other guy? He’ll be nive like me for the first few weeks, once you fall in love, it’s all downhill. I can’t tell you how many times i’ve seen girls at school cry over their asshole boyfriend. How much emotional pain do you have to go through before you realize he’s not the right guy for you, I am. All of us nice guys will rock your world, and we’ll never hurt you. So, girls, take a chance. Get past all the rumors and stupid drama. Ignore the assholes. And get to know the nice guys.

    Blake.

    wishing and waiting and always contemplating

    by  • October 5, 2011 • 1 Comment

    You have my heart.
    I know you do.
    But no matter where I start,
    I can’t seem to find you.

    I have heard all about
    the great love and joy
    you will bring throughout
    my life boy.

    But you don’t appear
    not matter where I search
    I thought i’d find you here
    and your absence hurts

    I will not stop waiting
    because it’s all i can do
    but i’m always contemplating
    about me and you

    will it be like an indie movie
    where we beat all the odds
    who is gonna play me?
    when we finally get dealt the right cards

    how long should i wait
    before you come for me
    how are you going to state
    that you are the one for me

    this is a silly rhyme
    and these are silly thoughts
    but the poetry is mine
    and i don’t want my heart lost

    I can find the answer
    and i will find the way
    please come over here sir
    and show me what you’ll say

    Promise to not leave
    like others did before
    and promise to see
    that we don’t have to be scared of being more

    you’re everything i don’t know
    and you are everywhere i haven’t been
    I can not wait to go
    and meet you, make a friend

    a friend to last forever
    beyond this life of mine
    a friend to love as fully
    as i love to rhyme.