… but I just can’t stomach it right now. I can’t weave together the proper words to create a tapestry with a clear image. I can’t withdraw them from the chamber of my heart because they’ve locked themselves inside and refuse to come out. They are stubborn things, these words, but I suppose I ought to grant them a rest. After all, they have been running around my mind all day. They’re bound to be exhausted.
I guess all I’m going to say then, is that I still think about you after all these months and I miss you girl, more than words can describe (including those taking a break tonight). I just… I wish I had another chance… y’know.. to make things right. I wish I could mend all the damage I’ve inflicted and move forward with a confident stride. *sigh* I just don’t know any more. I never thought I’d ever be here, this far beneath the earth’s crust where sunlight and life are but a fading memory.
Your love was so… real and amazing to me, and I’m holding onto it with every ounce of strength I have left because… well, nothing else can compare. I know, it sounds cliché, but it is so true. I have never felt more alone or overlooked than I have in the last several months and you made me feel so worthy and alive. This… this isn’t where I want to be Shell, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to get out of here by myself. I so dearly wish I had you by my side again to help me through, *sigh* but I think you’re really gone for good this time… Shell.. Seashell… I’m so sorry. I know sorry doesn’t even begin to cover it, but I don’t know what else to do. I don’t deserve you and you’re probably better off without me, but.. gosh, I just love you, okay? And a part of me hopes that you still love me too, y’know, the way you used to.
But it’s too late, isn’t it? I had my chance… and I blew it. *sigh* In just another month it won’t be “months” any more. It’ll be a year. Another milestone I’m not looking forward to crossing. I hate being the sentimental type… but hell, I haven’t spoken to you in nearly two and a half months. How much more distance can possibly come between us? I have no idea how your life is going or what direction you’re headed… I can only hope and pray that it’s where you want to be headed and that you’re truly happy, or at least working your way towards happiness. At least one of us ought to be happy, right? And I think that should be you. I just wish we both could be happy.. with each other like we used to be… But lately it hasn’t been about what I want, ‘cause everything that I want has a way of escaping my grasp.
Looks like I was able to weave together some words after all. I just wish the image were more appealing to look at…