I can’t believe you remembered me – we were 9! Now we’re freshmen in high school and you recognized me. I was shocked.
Now, I really regret not remembering you. I wish that I could just wander through my memories of that camp, but I don’t. I still go back to the same writing camp every year, and pretty much anyone who only went one year I’ve forgotten. Sorry, I can’t believe I forgot.
Because you deserve better.
I can’t help but think there must have been some particular reason that you still remember me – did you like me? Have a crush on me? Do you now? When you say hi in the halls, is there anything more behind it?
I really hope you’re reading this saying yes.
And if you are, know that I like you too. But see, I’ve learned a lot about myself the past year, one thing was that I won’t do anything about this until it’s almost, or is, too late. Don’t let it get that far, please. Homecoming’s coming up, just ask me. I’ll say yes, I promise. Just go for it Logan.
Even if you don’t really like me that way, please let me know. I’ve had enough of wasting my time on things that’ll never happen, or passing things up in hopes of something better. If you see this, which I really hope you do, please comment. Tell me that you don’t so I can move on before I get in too deep.
I was looking back at the anthology from that camp, and you were a really good writer for your age. I looked at all the pictures, and I vaguely remember you. I wish I could just recall one time then that I heard your voice…
I really would like to at least be friends, I want to get you know you, and you me.
I’m done. We’re so beyond over. I can’t believe you cheated on me with her. After you got pissed at me for not trusting you and after I let you in and told you everything about myself. You don’t love me. You don’t even love yourself so you definitely can’t love me. I hope she was worth it because come November 13th I’m going to rid you of my life forever. Don’t ever come crawling back here looking for sympathy. You slept with the one person you knew would tear us apart. You’re so incredibly stupid and you’re even more stupid for thinking I would just forgive you and take you back when you moved back up here. Yeah right get a life loser. I’m done having any sympathy for you and I’m done being your emotional crutch. Get a life and stop acting like a child. What the two of you did to me and D is so inconsiderate and childish and karma is going to get you both so bad. Have a nice life without me. Too bad we couldn’t do all of things we planned together. Thanks for screwing that up. Asshole.
Take this as a test, a challenge. This situation isn’t easy, but life rarely is. You love him, you still want him — fine. But this relationship is over and has been for a while. Lingering feelings only do 3 things: linger, confuse and frustrate. Let them go; it’s the only way to be happy again, and though the change won’t be immediate, it will come. And when it does you’ll be you again.
Understand that love is as painful as it is wonderful, and you can’t appreciate one without experiencing the other.
You are hurt terribly, yes, but you are so many other things as well. You are young — there’s still so much to experience in life; places, ideas and yes, people. You are smart. You are compassionate and loving — two important qualities that should be shared with someone who appreciates them. But above all, you are strong and though you’re bent, you are not broken.
You will carry on. In time, you will look back and appreciate this whole mess, as unlikely as that sounds. Take care and keep being hopeful. It is what it is, and life goes on. Go with it.
So well another thing our last fight at the end when i called u the
hurtful names i had begun to see that the chance and evidently those
after it had vanished but then i hadn’t relized yet just how much i
truly was in love with you so i got angry and at that waking second
when i got angry who unfortunately was the one person who i was talking
to???? The irony the single person who i was most emotionally
attatched to even more then my own parents was the one person who i
hurt in my rage because i realized that my shot had ended and there was
only me to blame. Hmmm it almost makes you laugh …….and your
comment where we could still be good friends it could never work
because every time you got a boy friend i would be insanely jealous
every time someone shared a moment with you i would resent them every
second i would hate my self for losing you but then again if it’s trust
u seek then your point is proven allready as i have been very
trustworthy all i’ve done is despair after i have been so close cause
think every time i was just a couple more hurdles away from really
gettin to spend time with you cherish you u’ve pulled away so i’ve
ragged because it’s was gone it’s like if anything had even happend
between us i would’ve been the best i would’ve done everything i could’ve
to make it work but if u had broken it off i would have ragged not at
you but at my self for letting something so amazing fade like dust in
the wind every time i’ve never gotten mad at you but rather myself and
humans are like animals when their hurt or angry they’ll lash out and
strike anything that is close to it or in your case trying to help
them because after every one of are fights you extend a hand but i
would slap it away because of my big head but that’s not a problem with
trust that’s just me reacting to losing you u shpuld’ve heard the rants
i would go on to lucas and nick about random trivial stuff we talked
about like music or one of our random topics that weren’t any of the
important ones and i would need to tell some one not all of the secret
convos but the small ones that add up and make me so happy the ones
where i wan to shout things from a top a mountin see and people trust
in me they confide in me about extreme things people i hardly know to
and most people are insignificant so i’ll disclose it if someone asks
but before you judge me on this i’m not a communist i don’t treat every
one equally thier are …. A select few who gain exgzemt from this not
just who ever i had had liked at that moment cause i told their
secrets anyways until i meet u cause i didn’t tell are first secret
convo i kept it to myslef so i thought hmmmm well i shouldn’t tell any
one and so it went like that until i slipped up …just once when
jessica asked that one question the why wouldn’t u meet me that one time
and i had told her and i ….betrayed your trust yess but has anyone
ever found out or even know that our secret convos take place if
people ask questions i say no were not talking right now …and i
remember sometimes i would have arguments with myself out load and in
my head about how it’d be crazy that i like u after one of our
arguments bu i would just stop because i realized that one side would
always win. I’m pretty sure u can guess which i don’t even know what
time it is any more but i’m going to keep writing cause if i don’t i’ll
go insane i’m going to put any thought that’s ever crosed my mind about
you into this message and all of the things that make me think of you
on a regular basis like micheal jackson that show the jackson five all
girl shows like the hills and etc and i always play that one line when
i meet u at the torch this guy saying jessica’s name and talking to her
about hemroids ha your accent your face the wind blowing your hair. i
was thinking about your response to this question of mine and i
imagined how this convo would go surprisingly i didn’t expect any less
so i’m going to write to you probably every night for as long as it
takes to convince you how i feel because i want to linger in the now i
want to have time stop just to admire you like when i gave you my bear
huggs i gave u those not to prove how stong i am but because i never
wanted to let you go …..hmm well my internet is going so i’m going to
send this and i’ll need to sleep because i need to stay up tomorrow in
order to write your next letter and i’m sorry but if u aren’t affected by
this letter at all then u may be more mentally disturbed than me
because although i’m smart my intelligence causes me to question
everything and ponder unanswerable questions and i’m not psycho but
there is a very faint line between genius and insanity
I’m always walking towards you.
every road must lead to you.
even amidst the dark abyss of eternity,
I think I’d be swallowed and born again
back into your arms.
They say I am young.
That I have yet to figure out what love really is.
Little do they know, I found love.
I find love to be the most alluring thing to have blessed me.
I find love to have the most handsome smile to have graced my vision.
I find love to be the color of my vision.
I find love to be irritating whenever I smile despite being infuriated.
I find love to be relieving whenever I fall yet land in a cushion of security.
I find love to be my source of air despite leaving me so breathless.
I find love every time I am standing in a shadow that is 5 feet 11 and a half inches.
I find love in tucked and poking out of each and everyone of your curls.
I find love every time I look into those dark orbs that show me the future.
I find love every time I intertwine my fingers, locking myself with comfort.
I found love.
I found you.
I love you.