• I feel so fucked up

    by  • August 6, 2011 • 0 Comments

    I’m sitting here listening to sad songs.
    Thinking of you.
    Wanting you back.
    Lights and TV off.
    Stressing myself.
    Sitting in the dark.
    Writing this letter.
    Zac C. This is for you boo.
    You’re not gonna read this, but gosh I do want you.
    I want you in my life.
    I want you to hold me.
    I want you to hug me, kiss me, tell me you’re not gonna leave.
    I want to be happy WITH you.
    I don’t want to cry over you anymore.
    Just come back babe:
    It’s been a over a year since you said you wanted a break..
    In that year you dated another girl. It’s obvious you just didn’t want to hurt me by saying it’s over..
    Does that mean you cared? Enough to try to not hurt me?
    I’m just digging for a clue you miss me.
    I’ve got quite a few but they’re irrelevent.
    Is this break up yet?
    I didn’t think so. I’m heartbroken all over again for you.
    Zac, I want you back.
    That’s all.


    by  • August 6, 2011 • 0 Comments

    Dear you,

    If you ever read this, you would definitely know it’s about you. Maybe because you were my first love, my first everything and you basically shattered it all. You not only devastated me and my life, but you ruined my first real relationship. I guess my biggest question is why? Why did you make me fall in love with you, knowing you were just going to break me down and ruin my fairy tail dreams of a perfect relationship. Why did you lie, and sneak around and betray me with other girls? For so long, I thought I was the problem, the one making you want to do those things to me, and then one day I realized that it wasn’t me, you were the one who was messed up, not I. As much as I want to hate you and despise you, I still think about you, and wonder if one day you’ll actually change, change that is for the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. I guess i’ll never truly know, and thats why my biggest and most thought about question I have with you, is why you didnt want to change for me?


    Why Are You Doing This?

    by  • August 6, 2011 • 0 Comments

    Dear Jacquelyn,

    Why are you doing this? We were fine not too long ago. In fact, it was just a few weeks ago when we were talking on the phone, laughing like we used to when we were together, before I asked you to stay on the phone until I fell asleep. And you did, all while playing sweet songs in the background to help me sleep since it had been rough lately. You told me you loved me every day, even waking up from sleeping to call and leave a voicemail telling me you loved me. When you needed advice, you came to me and asked me. We were on good terms again. Sure, we had our falling outs, but that’s just how we are, and we know that. In the end, we always made up.

    And now you’re doing this.

    You’re calling me harsh names, and laughing at my attempts to better things. I ignored calls from my girlfriend to talk to you, but you just tear me and her down. You keep telling me she is going to cheat again, that people can’t change, and you know that hurts me. Especially since I’m moving three hours away in a week.

    Why are you doing this? I keep asking you that, and you tell me cause I’ve become a b*tch, when I’ve done nothing different. It’s you who have changed.

    You know, when I went to Ava’s party, I was hoping you would be there. That way, I could have said goodbye in person before leaving for college. And you weren’t. When I attempted a text message saying goodbye in the kindest way possible, you tore it to pieces.

    Just because I’m with Faith doesn’t mean I don’t still love you. Because I do. I believe once you love someone, it never fully goes away. And I loved you. The crazy thing? I still do, despite the way you’ve been treating me. And now you leave me to go off to college without a goodbye, remembering only the harsh, painful things you have said recently.

    Why are you doing this?



    by  • August 6, 2011 • 0 Comments

    You’re super too.

    When you’re not breaking my heart.

    How do I say this.

    by  • August 6, 2011 • 0 Comments

    Tonight’s just been a big realization for me.
    I miss you.
    You’re never gonna read this, but if by some sliver of a chance you do, you’ll know it’s for you.
    We dated for a short six months, about a year ago, but we had our stupid little fling, that no one was allowed to know about last summer.
    Now I’ve changed, for the better, as I’d like to think and you’ve changed too. But I’ve never gotten the chance to find out if yours is for the better too.
    I really, really haven’t been able to get you off my mind ever since we talked. The night I turned sixteen actually. That message you sent me telling me I was too pretty to be acting how I was, made my night. I reread that every day, hoping you meant something else when you said it. Or were you just being the same old person, flirting, trying to get some from every girl, but never having success. Ha, I want you back, k?
    I really do, but we’re so opposite now.
    You’re smart, hilarious, is friends with everyone, and an athlete.
    I’m switching to an easier school, have a dry sense of humor, people don’t like me, and I suck at sports.
    Basically, you could do better than me.
    Remember when you dating M.M? Yeah, that killed me. Being friends with her during was worse. How I did it? I don’t have a clue.
    This is like a freakin’ novel. Oh well. I still have more to say.
    Can you believe I almost posted this on your Facebook? I wonder what would’ve happened if I did. Ha, gosh I wanna know.
    We’re supposed to hang out Thursday with C.H. I bet you it doesn’t actually happen. We texted for a while yesterday. I stopped texting everyone else just so I didn’t get disappointed when it wasn’t your name that popped up on my screen. This is such a typical letter, a teenage drama.
    I just wish you missed me too babe.
    It’s been a while since I’ve called you that.
    Tonight I’ve been just listening to love and heartbreak songs, and you’re the only thing that’s been going through my mind.
    I guess it’s true.
    It’s either you’ll always love them or you never did.
    And I’ll always love you. Will you always love me?
    That’s a question I’ll probably never get an answer for.
    Love is such a strong word and an even stronger feeling.
    I remember starting fights with you last summer, just so I could talk to you. I was crazy, desperate for you then. Now I at least can text you with a simple “hey”
    But barely. I’m scared I’ll annoy you if I text you.
    “I never hated you”
    Do you remember that text? I do. It’s still locked in my old phone.
    I texted you out of no where one night saying “Do you still hate me?”
    and you sent that. That made my night. Why do I still remember that.
    Why won’t you get OUT of my head?
    Sometimes I dream that we’ll be back together. But it’s not gonna happen.
    We’re too different now.
    But I just want to know..
    Do you miss me?
    Do you still love me?
    Do you ever think of me?
    I’ll never know the answers.
    But if you read this, text me a simple yes or no. <3

    To A Lost Friendship

    by  • August 6, 2011 • 0 Comments

    Oh Isabella,

    You were my best friend. I met you in 3rd grade and from then on we became nearly inseparable, sat together in classes, hung out, called each other all the time. Then 6th grade came along; graduation year, then graduation day. My parents warned me, told me elementary school friendships did not last. But did I believe them? Nope. Nothing could break up Isabella and I. Boy was I wrong. We stayed in contact for a year after. You even took me to Florida, my very first flight. That was a fun summer.

    After that things started to change. You went on about your newfound “popularity,” something about being the “it girl” at your school? Our phone calls became less and less frequent. When my father called to see if I could come over, you know what your mother said? “Oh sorry, her schedule is booked until March.” BOOKED! Like I’m making a doctor’s appointment? I was hurt, very hurt. At the time I was going to a middle school I absolutely despised and my own best friend was not there for me. Soon we stopped talking all together. Naturally I wondered what happened, but pushed you out of my mind.

    Then came the IM incident, one of my friends got your information from me and tried to contact you. Oh, you were MAD! Texted me, quite rudely may I add, not to give out your information. When I inquired about our faded friendship you went on a monologue about how you were this fabulous, popular girl, who didn’t want to associate with people from her past. Wow. You know how I felt? Like I was not good enough for you. I was too young at the time to realize any better.
    You hurt me Isabella. But you know what? I forgive you. Now that I’m older, a bit wiser (though still a young 16 year old), I realized we both changed. I’m a different being now. In my opinion, a better one. I’m happy, so happy! I’ve found my place in life. So I must also say thanks. You taught me the meaning of a true friend, by showing me the opposite of one. Because of that I have surrounded myself with amazing people, people who will support me through everything.

    Perhaps you may come across this letter, you might even feel insulted. That there is no need for forgiveness for you haven’t done anything wrong. Quite frankly, I do not care. This letter is more for myself, than for you, Isabella. So once again, I forgive you, and I will cherish the good memories we’ve had, and use you as a learning experience.
    Hopefully you’ll grow up to be a better person than your middle school self. But now, I’m done with you.

    -A Friend From Your Unwanted Past