• Hmm…. I know i’m not supposed to tell……

    by  • June 16, 2011 • 4 Comments

    Dear you,

    I had a crush on you ever since we met… which was a year or so ago…
    you were so cute, and funny. but you were dating her. i went on along as your little friend… watched you play football…. then one day you start flirting…. and of course i flirt back. Then you graduate, and we don’t really talk…. i text you one night from boredom… one thing leads to another and you’re telling me i’m pretty then we’re sexting. you tell me that we need to work this out so we can actually do these things. i, being a lonely 16 year old, oblige. after a while i get a day when i’m home alone and you come over.. at first we were both really nervous…. after all, we were sneaking behind our families backs, and you still have a gf… we agree to never talk about her.. and on that day, you do amazing things to me and make me feel sooooo good. we make fun of my Taylor Lautner poster hanging in my room…. and you mention her and make me feel like a whore… then, a week later, we’re talking and you’re ready to go all the way… i tell you i think i’m a whore and you disagree.. of course, i explain that i’m helping you cheat on your gf and ask how i’m not a whore, and you don’t have an answer… but you say i’m not.. i know you’re just going to break my heart, but still i keep this going.. and the worst part is, you don’t even like me like that, you’re only doing this with me because you trust me…. but you don’t know that i don’t trust you at all, i mean, you’re cheating on your gf you’ve had for more than 2 years with a 16 year old…

    i don’t know how much longer i can keep this going…. it seems my little school girl crush is going to do me in.

    The reasons I’m single.

    by  • June 16, 2011 • 0 Comments

    Kyle – You’re probably my biggest regret, not the whole relationship, just the part where I stayed with you even though you cheated on me… twice. Where I was a complete idiot and let my feelings for you take over my brain. I don’t wish you well, so I hope you don’t think I do… although I’m pretty sure I made that clear in the text messages I sent you after I found out about you fucking that ugly bitch after we broke up and then coming back to use me, like you did her. You deserve to get an STD that clorox and ajax can’t get rid of. Thank you for finally ending our relationship because the last six months we were together were the worst of my entire life, I was miserable but I didn’t want anyone to have you. Just remember that you fucked up the best thing that you’re ever going to have. I can do better than you but you can’t, because no one will put up with your bullshit the way I did or love you unconditionally the way I did. Don’t come crawling back when you get home from Charleston.. I won’t be waiting.

    TJ – You are the one that I should’ve chosen that pretty January day but instead I chose someone who spent two years lying to me. You and I argued more than anyone I know but you never would have done the things he did to me. You sincerely loved me and I sincerely loved you. We spent a year together and you ended things but for the next year after that we were still “together”… just no title. I wanted the title of being your girlfriend but you didn’t want to give it to me until I told you I had met someone. I was tired of not having the title I deserved but never doubt that I loved you. You were my first love, even at 15 years old I knew I loved you. Actually, in 3rd grade when we met I knew that some day I’d get my chance with you. I miss being friends with you, that’s the only part I regret of us dating.. we can no longer be best friends.

    Nick – You were a filler in between being with TJ, which you knew. For some reason, I was so incredibly attracted to you but nothing you did ever compared to TJ…ever. I was extremely mean to you and for that, I’m sorry. You let me boss you around and I took advantage of your generosity. I think I wanted someone else to hurt the way I hurt. Now, three years later and we’re back to square one.. except you have a girlfriend. You say how much you want me and all of these things and you’ve cheated on your girlfriend with me.. I don’t understand why you’re still with her, but I’m glad you are because I know I could never be serious with you the way you want. I know that history repeats itself and I don’t want to go back to 3 years ago and make the same mistakes. Next time you text me to hang out.. I won’t respond, it’s for the best.

    M – I don’t know why things happened the way they did with you. It wasn’t supposed to happen that way and I think we both know this. I’m glad we decided to remain friends.. it never would’ve worked. I won’t be able to have a legit conversation with you for awhile because it’s still too awkward but it makes me feel better knowing that when we see each other in public, we act like we’re great friends.

    Stephen – I like you. I don’t know what’s going to go on with us, if there’s ever going to be a real “us” but if you ever see this, just know that I’d like for there to be. You make me laugh and you like doing the same things that I like to do. Meeting you is the best thing Kyle ever did for me.

    You Don’t Know My Name

    by  • June 16, 2011 • 0 Comments

    We both go to the same school. We lived in very close dorms. I saw you everyday I spent in my first year in college. One of my closest friends was your resident adviser. You got a bid from my favorite fraternity on campus. We had the same class and the same teaching assistant. You have the same name as my favorite member of my favorite band, spelling and all.

    I don’t know why but you give me this crazy pounding in my heart. You make me trip over my own words, forget where I’m going and act like a fool. I know we’ve only spoken a few times, but each and everytime you managed to make me feel special. A task not most are capable of.

    Give me a chance. I could make you happy, the similarities are too great to ignore. I’ve never had the best luck with guys, but with you I feel as if the chance would be worth it.

    I’m beginning to fall for you, go ahead and trip me.

    I’ll never understand

    by  • June 16, 2011 • 0 Comments

    I’ll never understand how you could walk away when I need you the most. I’ll never understand how you feel like I treated you like sh*t and how you don’t think I’m “different”. You think I’m like every other girl in the world, nothing special. I’ll never understand how you can blame it all on me when you didn’t try either. I’ll never understand how you can open my soul so intimately, yet look at me with a blank stare as though it means nothing. I’ll never understand how you say you love me, when you ignore me and put me down every time we talk. I’ll never understand why you don’t walk away to find true happiness, and I guess I’ll never understand why you are, despite everything, the person I want to spend my life with.

    I Need You to Brighten My Day Once Again

    by  • June 16, 2011 • 0 Comments

    I love how even if I didn’t spend as much time with you as you wanted, you still loved me more than anything.
    I love how no matter what my mood, when I came home, you were there to greet me.
    I love how you would wake me up every morning and put the biggest smile on my face even if I was being grumpy.
    I love how you would really listen to anything I had to say, even if you didn’t really understand what I was talking about.
    I love how I could tell you anything without being judged.
    I love how no matter what, you were always there for me.
    I love how you were mine.
    I love how we could play hide and go seek for hours without you getting bored.
    I love how you were there to protect me, even from the slightest noise.
    I love your eyes, how one was blue and one was brown.
    I loved your shoes we bought you, thinking they would help when really you were just super embarrassed to wear them.
    I love how we could stay up so late together, cuddling in my bed watching whatever I wanted because you didn’t mind.
    I love how you would hug me when I was sad.
    I love how you knew when I was sad.
    I love how you knew fighting was a bad thing, and got upset when two people argued.
    I love how I can make endless lists of everything I love about you, but unfortunately, I do not have the time.

    It is time’s like these when I really need you. When I feel so alone, when I feel like I have no one else with me. I knew you would be with me through all this, by my side and being completely loyal. I need you more than ever my baby boy.

    I miss you and love you uncontrollably and am so sad how your life had to be taken way too soon.
    How about cancer dies for once, come on doctors, find the cure! I will put my heart and soul into helping you specialists if it means we can end all this pain and suffering.
    I just want my dog back, and I know it’s not going to happen.
    You were one of a kind, no dog can ever compare to you.
    I love you.

    I need that chance with you.

    by  • June 16, 2011 • 0 Comments

    I will never forget the time I had spent with you. Although we never officially dated, I treated you like you were my one and only and you did the same to me. We spent almost every single day together and I would give anything I had to do that again with you. Going to lunch and dinner together and sitting by ourselves, even though we could’ve sat with all our friends, you wanted to sit with just me and that made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Playing UNO, and Skip-Bo, and many other card games at the Pub at school or up in your room late at night drinking beers with Sam and the rest of your roommates. Lakeview 8 became my new home. I loved spending every night with my arms wrapped around you. Watching movies that we both could quote and Golden Girls on your computer. Your laugh is so adorable and that smile of yours, wow that smile, I couldn’t help but smile back at it. I loved when we’d go for rides in your car and you would put on your ipod claiming you found a song that I don’t know and how you’d get so mad when I would begin to sing along with the band/artist. I know you were pretty upset, but it made me giggle sometimes ’cause you’d get so aggravated and be so convinced you’d find a song I didn’t know. I know that I was only a Freshman and you were a Senior and the time was against us that we had met because you were graduating soon, but I really really wish I got my chance with you Nat. You were my everything. My thoughts, my dreams, my entire day was filled with being so impatient until I finally saw you and when I finally did, my smile stretched from ear to ear and the butterflies I got were indescribable. I even skipped class and tests for you when you asked me to just so I could spend a little more time with you in my arms and being able to watch you sleep. I would drop everything I had that day when you would text me and ask to go to dinner or to play wiffle ball or watch a movie with you; I just don’t understand. When we talked that night after the whole Rachel incident, you told me that you were afraid to give me a chance because you thought I was going to be just like her..just like Rachel, the girl who screwed both of us over completely, and you thought I would treat you like she treated me or you? I would have never. It breaks my heart to know that she is the reason I never got my chance with you. That, because of her, you would not take a risk and be my everything. I gave you everything Natalie and I still would. I see you now and the feelings all come back and you flirt with me so much it makes me weak. I get sick and sometimes begin to cry over you because I know that I won’t see you at school next year and that I let you slip away from me. I have a girlfriend now, but I sometimes feel terrible because I know my feelings for you have not faded. She’s so amazing, and beautiful, and she really truly adores me, but she’s not you. I hate that I feel this way, but it’s true. I think I may have fell in love with you and I’m not even sure how; I mean, I never really had a grip on you. I never officially called you “Mine”, but it sure felt like we were eachother’s. I just wish I knew if you ever feel the same way when you see me. Do you? Do you ever wonder what could have been if we were together? How long we would’ve lasted? How amazing the journey would have been? Do you? Even my best friend, who really only met you twice, told me that she thought we would’ve lasted because we were great together and she knew that you made me truly happy. She’s right, you did. I wish I could read your mind when you see me for the first time over and over again. If you could read mine, maybe you would realize that my heart is yearning for you. I’m sorry I feel this way. I hate it sometimes that I do, but I can’t change it. Maybe, just maybe, we will meet again in the future and we can start over again. Maybe I can finally get the chance I had never gotten with you…maybe. I adore you, Natalie. I think I always will. Good luck with everything, I wish you the best with all that I have. I hope you find happiness and someone who treats you like the princess you deserve to be treated as. My heart goes out to you.

    With Love always,