• I want to be

    by  • November 15, 2011 • 0 Comments

    Dear Kirstin, You don’t know how sorry I am for what I’ve done, I don’t know why I did what I did but I did and I don’t know if I could be any more sorry than I already am. Please let it all go and just give me a chance. I feel so much for you and what I did was wrong, I know it so but to sit here writing this instead of being with you is tough. I don’t want to be with you because I want companionship, someone to hold and kiss. I want to be with you because it’s you. I want you in my life because you’re perfect, more kind and generous than any other soul I know, and on top of it all you’re the most beautiful girl I have and will ever see in my life. You’re my inspiration, the thought that keeps me up at night, the feeling that makes me smile all the time. You’re what I know and what I love. I don’t know how I got to feeling so much for you, and I know there’s no way you could feel anything for me now, but if you give me the chance I promise you’ll change your mind about me, I know it to be true. Why do you have to be so far away too? I miss you more than you could ever imagine, I know you don’t miss me but I miss you so much. I just want to be around you again, to talk to you and see your beautiful smiling face again, I want you in my life. I love you more than you know and I just want you to give me the chance. I know I’m 15 years old and you’re 18, I don’t care though. It doesn’t matter, I’m not like everyone else my age. I know the limitations of love at my state, and I’m more mature than anyone else my age. I know you’re probably meeting so many guys you’d rather be with, but take a look and see me, don’t look for the people you just barely met, look at the one that’s been in love with you for a year. I’m trying so hard to be with you and you just push me away. I know that’s the point I should give up, and people think I’m stupid for not, but you know what. This is different. Why would I feel like its meant to be if its not? Tell me why do I feel like this if we’re not supposed to be together? All you have to do is give me a chance and I’ll prove to you that I can be someone you’d be proud to be with, someone that will make your life better, because I want nothing but happiness for you and I would give you nothing less. I want to be with you for no other reason than It’s You. I know I shouldn’t feel anything for someone that doesn’t feel anything for me and I should realize that you probably will never give me the chance, but I don’t know if I believe that. You’re an incredibly kind soul and I feel like maybe you would give me the chance but I also feel you’re just trying to be done with this and let go of me. But I can’t see my life without you, I’ve change because of you. I can’t see my future without you in it, I really can’t. I imagine what we could be doing together, I look at your little brother and his girlfriend everyday and think to myself, that could be us. I don’t want to be with you just to make out, grope each other and have sex. I don’t want any of that and it all goes against my morals and my religion and yours. I want a pure relationship with you, someone to talk to all the time and have fun with, watch movies, walk, someone I can tell anything to good or bad. I want to be there for you when you need comfort, or don’t need comfort. I want to be the one you can talk to about anything and everything.

    daddy<3

    by  • November 15, 2011 • 0 Comments

    i was always a daddy girl.. i just remember running to you for everything.. now i’m running to you holding ur hand while ur in the hospital. hoping praying wishing your guna pull through this. All through my life i’ve done this. u’ve lost both ur legs. and i don’t think of you differently i wanna kill people when they look at you werid or when they look like you’re different. i respect you more than you would ever imagine u put a smile on ur face and you u are hurting soo badd.. when i come over and you put on ur legs… you don’t have to i know they hurt you. dad… i love you please… if ur better in a different place just please do it in peace ur miserable i know. i’m sorry i wish i could help. but i’ll just hold ur hand and let you know daddy’s girl is right there.

    <3 love love love you dad!

    Where is my fairy tale

    by  • November 15, 2011 • 0 Comments

    To you, and your promise

    Why was i lied to? why did you say we were going to live our fairytale? In the fairytales I grew up with had princess, and knights in shining armor. The fair maidens wore extravagant gowns, sorry they don’t have them at target love I checked. Sure the princess had hardships before she found her prince but my hardships seemed to double with our wedding day. I’m not your princess any more, am I love? Why don’t you treat me like one? I do feel like a queen though, Queen of the maids. All i do is slave over your ass. I work all day hand you more than half the money I make at the two jobs I hate. And after I hand you your bounty for marring my ass it’s off to the kitchen to start dinner and do the loandry all at once. Sure you say thank you every now and again but it would be amazing if you could maybe put the PS3 controler down when you kiss me. Hell I’ll settle for just looking at me. And then the dishes are done I normally have 20 min to become the Discount store dressed princess to be a piece of arm candy. Sweep me off my feet, make me feel like the princess I used to be, the one you fell in love with. Where’s my prince? I know you can be one, you used to be.

    Thankfully,
    Queen of the Maids.

    Damsel

    by  • November 15, 2011 • 0 Comments

    I thought I’d never be sappy. Growing up I was never the damsel in distress in my own fairytales or anyone else’s for that matter. Unfortunately as a teenager i became what i never wanted to be. I was succumbed to an eating disorder and you. You picked me up told me you loved me first, but still i never felt good enough I couldn’t make you happy and i got worse i ate less worked out more hated myself because i never felt good enough. I was your toy for a year and a half. Oh man, we struggled I think I cried more than i laughed with you but i convinced myself i loved you. Then i was accepted to an out of state college and we both knew it wouldn’t work hell we couldn’t even manage to try it, it tore us apart. Finally, finally I realized how awful you were. Like poison every kiss took from me there was a hard underlying edge to it, it held pain and sadness and even hate.

    Then I let you go. I got better my eating disorder vanished I was happy. I met him, oh i met him and i knew it was him. When i finally kissed him, a day before i left for college, there was no hatred or anger or sadness. It was warm and happy and left goose bumps on my arms for hours. There was no doubt in our minds that we would be together no matter the distance. He’s incredible he’s everything. He sends me flowers just because. I have never cried from his words unless he’s making me laugh to hard. I love him. I didn’t know love till i met him. I’m not a damsel anymore i don’t need saving with him by my side i will never need it again.

    why did i waste so much time? How did you trick me? I hope you never break some one down again. Don’t make some one a damsel. Let them find their strength.

    Distance

    by  • November 15, 2011 • 0 Comments

    I met you three years ago. I spoke to you once and your face and your voice and your personality overwhelmed me.
    As soon as we finished talking I ran to my friend to tell her how great you were. We didn’t talk again for almost two and a half years.

    I heard you were auditioning for a play, and so I auditioned too. I wanted to be in it, of course, but you were the deciding factor. So we both got in, and I found you as exciting as before. We began talking more, flirting, texting. We even kissed a few times, and honestly you were the best kisser I had ever met, and remain that.

    But big exams were coming up and we knew it was not the time to be distracted. When they were over, we started talking more again. I really liked you. Really really liked you. But you were only here for the next few months, and nothing could happen without at least one of us getting hurt when you had to leave. So, painfully, we left it as friends. I don’t know what you felt for me then, but I liked you so much. Then results came around. You got your 3 A*s, you absolute genius. And you were gone.

    I had a bit of a fling with someone else, tried to forget about you. And it kind of worked. I’d accepted you were gone and I was left behind.

    Then you text me. And you were back in my life. But this time, platonic relationship. After all, a text doesn’t reveal much about your personality, I couldn’t start falling for you again just through a text.

    But then, I came to visit you.

    We kissed again, and then something which I never thought would happen, we slept together. I remember thinking on the first day how much me from a few months ago would have loved this to happen. But then me from now started to love it as well. And not just because it was good sex (although, for the record, it seriously was), but because all the reasons why I’d fallen for you in the first place came flooding back.

    I don’t know how I’d thought I would be able to avoid that.

    But your face, (you’d changed your hair, and you looked less school-boy, more student) and your masculinity, your muscles, the fact that you could pick me up, your sensitivity, your generosity, how sweet and, let’s be honest, how seriously good looking you are. It all just came back.

    And then I left and now I’m back here, and you’re out there, going out, and properly living. And I just have to sit here and work out what the hell I should do. I’ve been down the friends-with-benefits route before, and its left me feeling like im good enough to sleep with but not good enough to have a relationship with.

    So now I really don’t know what to do. All the feelings for you have come back, and I’m confused as hell. And I’m pretty sure you don’t have any feelings for me. What do I do?

    I know you’re sometimes on here, so if you read this and you feel the same, let me know. And if you don’t, just let me down gently. Because I can’t take any more heartache right now.

    Love you lots.

    From Tiny

    Infatuation #3

    by  • November 15, 2011 • 0 Comments

    It’s now been 3 months since we first met.
    I can’t believe it. It feels like forever.
    So. What’s new?
    Well, I was right. You were more than a flirt. You were more than a flirt with at least 5 other girls in these last 3 months. It didn’t surprise me, I knew something like this would happen, but the scale of it… pretty damn impressive. But what I want to know is, were you so involoved in those girls’ lives? Did you meet their parents? Did you befriend their brothers? Did they take you on holiday and pay for your food and drinks and hotel and do everything for you? I doubt it. But the worst thing is, all this time, you’ve still been in love with your ex. Your beautiful, chronically ill, ex. Who you have messed around big time. Who was so mad at you. Who forgave you and is now back with you. I feel sorry for her. And I think she’s completely crazy. But you know, I’d probably do the same thing. Because I loved you. Of course I still do to some extent. The thing that hurt the most was, you didn’t love me. I figured you weren’t ready. But really, it was because you were in love with someone else. That hurts. And then you told me you wanted to focus on being a better man to your friends and family, and that we shouldn’t talk for a while. Which leads me to the conclusion, I am not, and was not, your friend. What was I then?

    I knew it would end like this. I honestly did. But I loved you, so I ignored the obvious signs that you were less than faithful. So, what I’m saying, is goodbye from me, you were good while you lasted, but I’m moving on. Onwards and upwards baby.