• I’m sorry it turned out this way.

    by  • January 14, 2011 • 0 Comments


    I am sorry that we’re not friends anymore. I’m sorry that I led you on-it wasn’t intentional. I’m sorry if I gave you hope for something more than friendship.

    You must understand the state I was in. I loved B, deeply. You knew that. I talked about him everyday. I cried for him. I bled for him. You were convinced I could love you, you believed that we’d end up together in the end. You were sure I loved you, you even told me, in that arrogant voice, that all my sketches and pictures looked like you-even though that style is pretty common. I resented that, i resented you believing we’d be together someway, somehow because I loved him, and you said he wouldn’t be mine again. I had a great summer being best friends with you. I was so happy and then you took that away, declaring you couldn’t be my friend because I was in love with him and you were in love with me. Understand this: I love you–as a friend. You were someone I really needed and felt like I could rely on. And even though it was your choice to end the friendship, you kept telling me over and over. I got it the first time, you know? We’re sort of friends again but we no longer speak. And I’ve tried with you. I’ve tried to be your friend again. But I give up. I’m sorry, so sorry I couldn’t love you back. You will always be my best friend. I’m sorry that my friendship wasn’t enough for you.



    Like a Stone

    by  • January 14, 2011 • 0 Comments

    on a cobweb afternoon
    in a room full of emptiness
    by a freeway i confess
    i was lost in the pages
    of a book full of death
    reading how we’ll die alone
    and if we’re good we’ll lay to rest
    anywhere we want to go

    in your house i long to be
    room by room patiently
    i’ll wait for you there
    like a stone i’ll wait for you there

    on my deathbed i will pray
    to the gods and the angels
    like a pagan to anyone
    who will take me to heaven
    to a place i call
    i was there so long ago
    the sky was bruised
    the wine was bled
    and there you led me on

    in your house i long to be
    room by room patiently
    i’ll wait for you there
    like a stone i’ll wait for you there

    and on i read
    until the day was gone
    and i sat in regret
    of all the things i’ve done
    for all that i’ve blessed
    and all that i’ve wronged
    in dreams until my death
    i will wander on


    by  • January 14, 2011 • 0 Comments

    Every morning, I wake up thinking “today’s the day! my long lost love returns. the endless hours of quiet desperation will finally end & we’ll live happily ever after.” Every night, I’m disappointed. I can hardly stand the anguish. The constant burning desire i feel for you has pushed me back to edge & I am afraid.

    I cannot continue playing these silly games much longer. I’ve done the best I can to prove my true feelings to you through the medium you’ve allowed me, but it’s not enough anymore.

    After all the sins I committed against you, I have no right to ask anything of you, but I going to ask anyway. Will you please let me see you? My sanity depends on you being next to me.

    I’ll never be your idea of perfect. I’ll always struggle with addiction, depression & self hatred. I will disappoint you. But I love you. I’ll give every part of myself to you & do my best to help you see how brilliant & subtly gorgeous you are. Why is that not enough?

    Maybe I don’t deserve you. Maybe I deserve to live the rest of my life alone. Maybe you are a figment of my imagination.


    A million pieces of me on the floor…

    by  • January 14, 2011 • 1 Comment

    Sean B~

    The Script – Exit Wounds.

    My hands are cold,
    My bodies numb,
    I’m still in shock what have you done?
    My head is pounding,
    My visions blurred,
    Your mouth is moving I don’t hear a word.

    And I hurt so bad,
    But I search my skin,
    For the entry point,
    Where love went in,
    And ricocheted and bounced around,
    And left a hole where you walked out yeah,

    Maybe some day, I’ll tell you that when you’re not online, and I don’t know what’s up, the top verse is how I am. Hopefully, you’ll never notice the scars. Most don’t.

    Verse 2 is you leaving. Please, let’s never get to that stage? This is what I’ll be like if you leave me. Please never do. My heart couldn’t take being broken again.

    [Eight letters, three words to be inserted here, even though you already know]

    Jules D~

    Dear Admin.

    by  • January 14, 2011 • 0 Comments

    Thank you for letting me vent when no one else would. You are truly wonderful.

    Jules D~

    Baby, I wouldn’t last a minute

    by  • January 14, 2011 • 0 Comments

    Without you by my side, I have close friends, I have a few BEST friends. But they aren’t you. No one will ever be you. None of them could give me the feelings you do, I don’t want to fall asleep next to them at night, nor would I want to make love to them, or hold their hands for the rest of my life. I’m marrying you, and that’s final.

    To anyone that cares…

    by  • January 14, 2011 • 4 Comments

    Did you ever get that feeling where your mind feels too crowded?

    Did you ever get that feeling where you just want to be alone with yourself, and then when you do get that time alone with yourself, it turns out that there’s something there that you regret, or something that is getting you down (no matter how much you would deny it earlier)?

    That feeling where you just want to hide and lock yourself up in your room and listen to sad, or simply very deep and moving, music, and think pessimistic thoughts? Or maybe even cry as well?

    That feeling where it seems that everything you have ever wanted, or even dreamed of wanting, is so out of reach?

    My mind does get to be very crowded – and often too.

    Whenever I’m alone with myself, especially late in the day or night, I do discover something getting me down; or something I regret. Or if I’m unlucky enough, both of those things (since even if I don’t regret that particular thing, I can still feel bad about it, depending on what that is).

    I do want to close myself in my room and listen to that deep, sad music and think sad thoughts or even cry with them too.

    And the feeling that I want the impossible? The unattainable? All too familiar with it, to be honest with you.

    Therefore… if you ever get those feelings for a single day in your life, always know that you’re not alone. I’m here for you. Yes, even a total stranger. But again, I believe that there are no strangers – just friends we haven’t met yet.

    Yet I repeat, even if we’ve never seen each other before, I’m here for you.

    Please don’t ever forget that.