• why?

    by  • November 3, 2011 • 6 Comments

    why do people pretend? how come even if you love someone more than anything you pretend not to?
    why did i mess everything up? i was so scared that everything was a lie i couldn’t see how much love you had for me. i ruined us. i walked away.
    you were right. about everything.
    all i want right now is to be in your arms and kiss you goodnight ..
    why did i let my insecurities ruin everything we could’ve had?

    How could you

    by  • November 3, 2011 • 1 Comment

    Dear Dad,

    How could you cheat on mom, and not expect me to act any differently? How could you expect me not to find out? Did you really think that nothing between us would change? Do you have any idea how much you messed me up in cheating on mom? Do you have any idea how many times I saw her cry? I felt like I was going to explode. I was upset all the time. I would be watching a movie, and if there was a marriage scene, I could cry when the father daughter dance would come on because I know we can never have that. You ruined it. You’ve been married for 21 years. WHY COULDN’T YOU TALK TO MOM AND WORK IT OUT? She wanted to go to counseling, but you didn’t. I really thought you and mom would be the one couple in our family who would have a good relationship… Why did you have to sleep with that whore that you work with? She knew you were married. She knew you had a daughter. How can you STILL work with her? You have your own business, find someone else. I hated you for so long. And when I finally started to forgive you, just a little, I saw texts from her on your phone…From the day before…How can you just sit there and act like things were getting better with mom, how can you lie so easily? And when I finally gathered the nerve to talk to you, you turn it around on me about how you cant trust me?! I already had a hard time trusting guys, and now that the one guy who was supposed to be my rock is ruined, who am I supposed to trust? And now I have to act like everything is fine and that I’m not mad at you, because if I do act how I feel, I get yelled at for acting like a b*tch.

    –Your daughter

    girl in chatt

    by  • November 3, 2011 • 0 Comments

    Dear girl in south Chattanooga thank you. You saved me from myself I know that makes no sense but you were a lifesaver more that you could ever know. It’s only been a few hours but I miss you, I need you beside me telling me that I don’t have to do this to my self and that I am not useless. It all started when I was at work I told my coworkers that I was headed home and that I would see them thursday, but when I got into my car I decided to go a different way a way I had not gone in weeks of going to and from my job. As I approached the red light I noticed a cute girl in a bmw talking on her phone, probably her boyfriend I thought. As the light changed I took off she sped past me if for no other reason than to prove the car was expensive. I decided to park in an empty lot and go for a walk because it was just starting to get cold out and I wanted to be alone for a while, I had been thinking about my ex girlfriend for some time and was getting really depressed because of her and the history we had. We had met at a place we used to work I was a cashier and she a mechanic strange combination if I do say so my self, anyway there we were and it was november cold outside, kind of a wet morning, we were waiting on the managers to get there to open the doors and we kind of started talking. Well she was hungry so she decided to go to burger king to get some breakfast so she gave me her number so that if they came to open the doors I could tell her, so naturally as the loser I was I saw this as flirting and tried to text her and come to find out I was right. So we dated for 8 months and then we broke up because of some stupid shit that we could not get past. Anyway that’s the past and I need to get over her, Well as I walked down the river front I let my emotions get the better of me and I almost fell into the water because I could see where I was walking from the tears in my eyes. I sat down on the concrete steps with my head burried in my palms, then I just lost it I lost all self control and just started bawling right there in public, thankful now that it was late so very few people were out that but the people that were out there scattered quick. I guess they thought I was a nut or something, well everybody but 1 ran away unbeknown to me of course, you came to me trying to see what was wrong, and to see why a grown ass man was crying in a place like this, the most romantic place in Chattanooga and here I am ruining it for everyone. As you aproched me you thought it would be wise to announce your presences so that I would not try to kill you or something, as you started talking to me I slowly realized what I was doing and tried to say that I had tear duct problems. I knew you would not belive me. You sat down beside me and held me saying that you were here to help and that you wanted to talk me thru it, wow I thought someone who really cares i’ll be damned. You said that whatever it was you would try to talk me thru it and that you had some bad things happen to you too and that you knew what it was like. I told you the story of my ex and what I was feeling and then you said that you had been raped by your ex’s friend as he watched, at that moment I wanted to kill your ex and I thought I had no right to be sad that I should be helping you not you helping me. You told me though that everyone goes thru this and it was just my turn to feel it, you said that I looked like a strong person but that I had a lot of stress on me. What did you read a book on me or something? You were exactly right you were obvisualy the one that I was supposed to meet there that night. As I sat there telling you my story you got close to me if for no other reason than to get warm then I realized it that you were cold and that you needed my jacket and that I had been rambling for almost an hour, and that you were wearing nothing but a spaghetti strap dress and some furry boots you must have been freezing so I invited you to my house so that we could talk some more in the heat. As we walked up the road I gave you my blazer to keep you warm on the half mile walk to my house. You walked there beside me like you had nothing else better to do and I unjustly kept talking about how I had been hurt, I knew this must be right as we walked along a man came running by and startled you, I caught you in my arms like I had done for her a million times before but this time it was different this time as I looked down and saw your beautiful green eyes I knew there was something here something electric, something alive as if I had found my soulmate, but no that can’t be surely not, but there was no mistaking it, I was sure of it as I had never been sure of anything before, you were the one, you were the one I has asked God for you were the one I had cried over you were the one that I needed so badly. As I helped you to your feet you put you silky smooth arm around my neck and your other hand in mine the tension was genuine it was real, unmistakable we both felt it deep within our souls. I was almost afraid to move not to ruin this perfect moment but you made the first move looking at me with those piercing eyes looking right through my veneer of peace seeing the trembling freightfull little boy that wanted so badly to run away to not see you again, so that I would not have to face the pain of loosing you, but you saw something on that cold windy night, something you wanted, and you took it. As I was lifting you to your feet you leaned into me and pulled my head to yours we kissed for what felt like hours or even days, but as soon as it started it finished, you told me that you wanted to go inside with me and that you wanted me to hold you that night until you feel asleep. Till you fell asleep I told you i would hold you until as long as I could. As we walked into my 18th century townhouse, you took off the blazer and revealed your amazing body beneath the light, your beautiful brown hair, small curvy body, and sexy but powerful legs. I wanted so bad to just pick you up and hold you from that point but you had other plans. You came over to me and we kissed with the passion of two lovers that have been kept away from each other for way too long, we kissed for at least 20 minutes me trying to control my hands and you touching me and clawing my shoulders, as the kiss came to a close you had removed my shirt and unbuttoned my pants, and I had slipped one of your straps off of your sexy shoulder not wanting to go too far I simply slid my hand around your sexy body and pulled you against my chest. At that point we looked at each other questioning in our minds how this happened and telling ourselves that we must have more. As we tried to walk to my bedroom I picked you up to kiss you so I didn’t have to bend down, you wrapped those sexy toned legged around me and put your arms around my neck. We finally made it up there and I threw you on the bed where you pulled me in with you sex appeal, you slowly crawled on top of me, sat down and started rubbing my abbs. As I slid the strapped off your shoulder, I saw your perfect body in its full glory I had underestimated it I was dumbfounded you had an amazing body it was perfect, as I pulled you on down you took my pants off of me and we made love it was amazing, intense the kind of thing you read about in magazines and books, as we finished out fifth found you hugged me and said you wanted me to hold you all night and I did just that, I held your body against mine so that I could feel your breath and could see your beautiful face in the morning. As I write this I realize what a prize you are, I love you katie I really do and I want you to know that I can’t live without you in my life. if you rver read this call me please. J.

    Without You

    by  • November 3, 2011 • 0 Comments


    2 years, 2 years and a text. A one page text that will never be forgotten. A text that changed everything. You told me never to respond; I told myself i wouldn’t. I wish i never did you cheated on me and after all these years I get a text. Was i good enough was she better than me? did she say things to you i couldn’t?

    Was it worth it? Well was it? you keep saying sorry to me but at times i really can’t tell what it really is you’re apologizing for? Is it for cheating? Is it for breaking my heart? Is it for taking yet another one of my many chances that i gave to you.

    Sometimes i ask myself the same question was it worth it? Is this what i really wanted? You are the only one I’ve ever been with..how am i supposed to know what to do now? How can i give myself to someone else when you ruined it for me? I cant trust anyone..i cant and now I’m terrified, I’m terrified of two reasons, one being how am i going to move on without you? My whole life was planned around you. I was going to go to your college I was gonna plan my life around you and now you just expect me to find another guy?? How in the world. The second thing I’m afraid of is starting over again.

    The guy i like now is sweet and cute and doesn’t drink or do drugs like you. Maybe that’s what i need is a change but how am i supposed to know its not going to end like you and I ended. I was/still am crushed from your decision and now its effecting my whole life. I do love you. I always will love you. I don’t want it to end but somehow, somehow I want to see if you’re the one and the only way I’m going to do this is by finding someone else. To test this theory of mine.

    I won’t give up on you if you don’t give up on me.

    I’m so sorry

    by  • November 3, 2011 • 0 Comments

    I’m sorry.
    I really am.
    I love you. You will always be the boy who showed me how to love.
    You are my forever and always.
    But I grew up. I grew out of you. Out of your comfortable, warm skin, your voice, your stupid jokes, and your love.
    I’ve met someone new.
    He’s… he’s great. We get along. We laugh at the stupid stuff and serious at the serious stuff. For now, I’m happy. I’m not sure if we will last, or if we have even begun, but right now, all I want is for us to start.

    forever and always,

    “You’ll always be my hero, even though you lost your mind.”

    by  • November 3, 2011 • 0 Comments

    I have moved on. I promise. I even think I might love someone else, or at least could, if I can let myself.

    I want you to know that he makes me happier than you ever made me. (Maybe I don’t want you to know that though.)

    I guess I finally realized that I deserve someone who makes me laugh more than they make me cry.

    But through all that, there are times when I still think of you; mostly of the old you, but you just the same. I just miss that person, not only my boyfriend, but also my best friend.

    It’s especially hard when I see you, the new you. Smoking a cigarette on the sidewalk at noon, already high as fuck. I’m not in love with you anymore and I don’t even want to be with you. But I still love you. I still wish you’d get better.

    I think I might fall in love again someday, sometimes I wonder if I already have.

    It’s hard to give someone your heart though, when it’s already been so badly battered.

    I guess you can take pride in the fact that you’re still with me, however much I try to let you out of my life. You’re here whenever I try to let someone in. You’re here whenever I try to open myself up. Even if I haven’t thought about you for weeks, you’re here. And you say, “Hey, remember me. You used to think I was a great person too, and look how much I hurt you. What makes you think he won’t change like I did?”

    I wish you’d leave me alone.

    And I wish I didn’t always expect disappointment.