The truth is I still think about you every second.
The truth is I would do anything for one more chance with you, to change your mind, to show you that I’m everything you thought I was.
The truth is my friends are kind for trying to cheer me up, but you’re not a jerk.
The truth is it doesn’t get a little better each day.
The truth is it’s not your loss, it’s mine.
The truth is you were the one and I blew it.
The truth is I’m tired of pretending I don’t miss you.
It makes me upset that you decide to like me when its convenient for you.
It makes me upset that it’s always my fault, and you “didn’t do anything wrong”
It makes me upset that I never truly know whether things will be the same.
It makes me upset that I can’t completely trust you.
It makes me upset that I try to talk myself out of it everyday.
It makes me upset that sometimes things are so perfect, but then when your friends are around I’m not good enough.
It makes me upset that I’m not perfect and never will be, yet you expect so much out of me
It makes me upset that I always am proud of your accomplishments but never the other way around
It makes me upset that you think you can get away with doing this to me.
It makes me upset that if I ever tried to talk to you about anyone of this you would brush it off and say I’m being dramatic.
Following your heart is hard, because you can’t control who it chooses.
You make me upset but somehow it never takes to long before I find my way back to you.
Somehow you manage to reel me in, even when I know I’ll be hurt again. Where did the old you go? Because now, its like I don’t know you at all. The real person I know would never do these things..
the same girl you’ve always known
When I met you in the beginning of the year, I knew I loved you. I never showed it though; I just watched you from afar, wondering if you felt the same about me. Of course, I doubted it. I wonder if you even still remember my name.
Each day I daydreamed about you. About you telling me you loved me. About you and I being together, happy. It was always different, but in that sense, they were all the same. They were all also highly unlikely. Not going to happen. Never.
But whose fault is that? You’re a Junior, I’m a freshman. I can’t expect you to care. I can’t expect you to notice me. And yet, I’m too afraid to let you know. I’m too afraid to face the truth. I’m too afraid that maybe…maybe all that dreaming and wishing and hoping was really pointless after all.
And now it’s the end of the year. The distance between us hasn’t closed an inch. I still look at you now and then, take in how perfect you look, that quirky grin of yours, those wonderfully deep, auburn eyes. And then I see those eyes sweep in my direction and I turn away, I wait for you to leave the room so I can sigh and cry silently to myself.
One year has passed. I still love you. Perhaps even more. You’re still just as unaware of my presence as ever. One year wasted. One year left.
This was the letter that would get us to start writing each other … but I’m sorry this will be a letter I’ll never send.
I started to get use to the idea that there could be an “us.”
I let our friends give me false hope that we could be together.
I psych myself up an innumerable amount of times.
What I’ve realized is … that we may never be together. I’m sorry for every time I let you in. I’m sorry for getting close to you. I’m sorry for falling for every one of your immaculate traits. Your smile, your personality, your eyes, and your body, very one of them flawless. I should have stay away from you. I let you draw me in, when I was weak and broken. I thought needed something or someone to help build me up. I thought it would be you, but all you have done now is let me down. I let you sweet talk your way to my heart. Every guard and every wall that was up, you pounded them down. Only to leave me completely … OPEN.
I hope you’re happy. You got what you wanted; you got me to fall for you. And I fell hard.
All I’m trying to do now is shatter the image that I have of you. I must eliminate the promise and the future you’ve planned for “us.”
Don’t worry about me … I will be fine. I’m always fine.
It turns out I’m not nearly as strong as everyone thought. The truth is… this distance is killing me. And it hasn’t gotten easier with time; I haven’t gotten used to it.
I’m sorry for what I’ve done during this seperation. I am absolutely ashamed of myself. I’ve betrayed you.
I’m even more sorry that I’m not going to tell you about any of this…
I love you, and I hope one day I can be the girl deserve.
She loves you. You don’t love her back, but she loves you with all of her heart and soul. The way she describes you is like a beautiful poem and your heart melts everytime you hear her talk about you. She’s one of my greatest and truest friends and my heart hurts to know that you don’t share the same feelings for her. She is one of the greatest girls I know and she deserves nothing less than the greatest man in the world. And that’s why I wish you loved her back… Because she deserves the best, and that’s you. I know you’re the best because, well… I love you too. She will never know that, and either will you, but that’s alright. I’m not near the kind of good you need in a girl. I don’t meet any kind standard you should have, and yet here I stand. Between two great friends. A weird love triangle that only I know exists.
I love you. You don’t love me back, but I love you with all of my heart and soul. And that’s why I could never let either of you know how much I hope you fall in love with her soon. Because she deserves you, and I don’t.