That night this last summer when I actually saw you in person, I wish I had punched you. I wish I had gotten up from my table and torn your fucking face off with my fingernails. You’re a horrible skank and every single day I wish I could tell you that.
Every time I see a girl who looks like you (i.e., a hot mess) I go into a funk. Because of you I’m paranoid and mean and I keep trying to get over it but I can’t. I know it’s been a year and a half, and still I dwell on you every day.
You’re a cheap, two-bit whore, Kira, and my only solace is knowing that no one likes you.
Next time I’m in Minnesota, you better hide your car. You wouldn’t like what I’d do to it.
Once, I did something I shouldn’t have. That was kiss you, late one night, in the early April snow. I knew it happened because we were both drunk, with raging Freshman hormones and a lot of anticipation in finally being alone–we never should have fallen into that backyard, stopped to look at the stars, against a tree, and taken our clothes off. I know what I did was embarrassing, but it was funny- you didn’t need to ignore me for an entire year, but that night was in my mind for a long, long time after that.
A year later, you came home with me, I didn’t even know what to say, just to be with you felt like it was enough–it wasn’t the same for you. I told you about how I wanted to drive west and see the stars, climb the Tetons and sleep on the soil, you simply agreed and kissed me goodbye. I wish I didn’t have to walk by and see your face with your boys, and smile at your presence. You should have talked to me, every time I tried, all I ever got was a nod. J, all i ask now is where did I go wrong? Where is the love?
I miss you guys, and summertime when we took that tiny little shuttle to the middle of the mountains for that week of camp.
While I was there, I didn’t realize how important it was. How much I would miss it and want to be there again. How I wish I had gotten closer to some of you guys, because that was my last chance..
It’s not even summer and I’m missing it already.
I miss being close to God, the sunshine and pouring rain, the hikes that I say I hate, the people that make me laugh, and that tugging feeling that keeps you tied there.
I miss the people I know from home, that took that shuttle bus with me, I miss seeing them every week. Youthgroup, trips, just laughing. I always felt I could be myself, no matter what. No one judged. I miss that. That family. When I come back, I never see any of you, which is sad. One day though, probably summer when I’m home for those months, I’ll see you guys.
Oh college.. growing up is great, but there will always be those things you miss.
Miss you all.
Dear Parental Units,
I still call. I check in to see how You’re doing. I generally care about what happens in Your lives. I do care, but I’ve had to sweep a lot under the rug just to get along. Hating You would be entirely too cliche, so I don’t let myself fall into it.
….but make no mistake….You were both hacks at parenting. Threatening to put me up for adoption? Recording phone calls? Any attention seeking completely normal moody adolescent behavior was a direct result of your lack of engagement in my activities and education.
Mom refused to go to Honor Student’s Night and watch me get my little award. When I came home there was a note on the table stating that the only reason I do well in school is because I’m a bad daughter and I shirk every other responsibility. I was thirteen, and I don’t think I ever made it to the top of my class ever again. Thanks for that.
Oh, and Dad? It’s hard to take all your hot wind about abstinence and religion and fidelity seriously when You made me wait by a payphone while you called your mistress during our movie date. I’ve never seen such a hateful look as the one you gave when I innocently told Mom that we were late to the movie ’cause Dad had to make a phone call. How could I have even comprehended the gravity of that situation, you cheating bastard?
I turned out OK, and You are just people after all. Deeply flawed people, just like the rest of us. Hope you aren’t expecting grandchildren.
1 day I will wake up
2 see the sun rise and it won’t remind me of your eyes, your
3 word lies that broke me
4 the next boy, who thought that
5 months was enough to have dismantled the walls from the
6 different ways you damaged my self-esteem and pride and I had
7 friends who stuck by and cried with me, but no boy was willing to
w8 for me to put myself back together because
9 times out of
10 they’re too impatient because cats may have
9 lives but we only have this, so forgive me if I miss believing in
f8 and destiny and karma because you’re alright and it’s me with
7 years of bad luck from the mirror I broke wishing it was your face in
6 shards on the carpeted floor and I want to be
5 again with a sparkling smile and dreams are a wish your heart makes, not a nightmare, except
4 me, I can’t wake up because this is real, all
3 little pigs had their houses blown down and yet
2 say I regret is wrong, this has made me strong, I am
1 with who I am and today I woke up with a smile I haven’t seen in a while and in
0 time at all I’ll be ready to leap and fall… again.
Turns out that you’ve changed alot, how cliche in highschool huh? Well for you it’s not for the good. You’ve become everything you said you wouldn’t, flushing your “realness” down the drain along with our friendship.
Turns out you have more faces than a cat has lives. I understand if you slightly change around certain people but not turn in to a different person. Not like you change.
Your skin color describes you. Fake. You will never be the same as when I first met you again.
To the world it appears that you think you’re better than everyone else. Which basically instills that you. are. not.
And to boys, you tease them like cat and mouse. Except, they never get what they want and you continue having your fun, like your articial sister.
I used to wish we could be as close as we used to be, but I don’t know which face I’m looking at.
i’m scared. i know there’s no pressure and i know you’re not pushing me into anything. but i know what you want and it scares me. you have to think of how bad this would look. last year you cheated on your girlfriend with me and now you wanna be with me? all my friends are gonna give me so much shit…and it will be a nightmare trying to go through my parents and just people in general.
but if you really want to try i don’t really think i can refuse…
I am 20 years old, and have never doubted your existence. So how could you let this happen to me? How could you let ALL OF THIS happen to me?
I had such a charmed childhood. Is that why you are doing this to me? I didn’t know what pain was until I was 18, and now I’m drowning in it. Still.
When I was 18 you let my oldest brother become blind from a medication he was taking for his bi-polar disease. HE WAS DOING SO GOOD BEFORE THAT. Now he sits around all day depressed. Why couldn’t you heal him? Why can’t you heal him now?
When I was 18, you also led my father away from his family. Why did you put that bitch in his life? In our lives? She doesn’t deserve to know my father’s name, but you gave her the power (or allowed Satan to) to lead my father away from my mother. I thought marriage was forever? I thought you looked down upon divorce? So why do you allow so much of it to happen? It rips families apart and breaks the heart of everyone involved.
When I was 19, you took my other brother away from me. It hasn’t quite been a year yet, and I miss him every single day. He was the good one. Out of the three of us kids, he was the best. And you stole him. How am I supposed to keep going?