you were my best guy friend. The one i could tell everything to. The one that i called in the middle of the night just to ask for your opinon.
you were also the boy that i loved. the one that everytime i saw you at school i would smile. you were the boy that would know how to make me happy.
and jared guess what you WERE those things. you aren’t anymore.
it sucks sometimes because i can’t call you or text you about things.
but i deserve a better boyfriend or best friend than you.
going after my cousins to do things with? calling my family vindictive?
and then saying that i make your life a living hell?
i guess life sucks sometimes. but at least i have realized that you weren’t ever important.
and i’m okay.
I have you blocked for a reason. Seeing you happy hurts, seeing you at all hurts. Knowing you aren’t seeing me back, knowing you don’t care, knowing you’re never going to feel that way again. You moved away, I never have to see you, but I want to. I miss you.. I miss the best friend I had. You grew up. You got a job. You moved on and left me behind. At fourteen I felt like I was going to be with you forever. I’m eighteen now, it’s been almost two years since we broke up, but I still think about you every day, I wonder how you’re doing, how your family is and if you’re thinking of me too. I know we’ll never again be what we used to be, but I want to be friends. I miss having you in my life. No one understands, no one will. I need you Wolfuh..
What are we really? We began as lovers, then as best friends, but now what? Because it seems like now that she’s back, I’m dead to you. You ignore my texts, delete my pokes, tell me we “can’t be friends in public”. All because of her. You don’t want to upset her, upset other people. But what about me? Because it hurts me, it upsets me. I remember how we used to talk every day, how you used to text me first, how we used to skype whenever we had the chance, how you used to ask every other week when you could come over and hang out. Now I ask you and all you say “maybe”. The only time you ever want to “hang out” any more is when we can be alone and hookup. Do you know how much that hurts me, how used I feel? Slowly, we are losing each other. We used to know every little detail of each other and then some… I don’t know you anymore, do you even know me? In just a few weeks you’ll be gone, and what am I supposed to think now? I really doubt that soon you’ll even find the smallest amount of time for me. The idea of that, of losing you, makes me so sad, makes me hurt so bad. Because we began as lovers, and I still love you. Because we were best friends, and you’re still the best friend I’ve ever had. But now… am I even your friend?
you promised never to hurt me and you promised to never to lie to me, and for the first time in over a year i let myself trust someone. i made myself believe that maybe you could be the one to make me have faith again, that just maybe you truly cared. as hard as it was to let go of my fear i some how did and just a short time later you ask out my best friend. and she let it happen. i have now lost two of the most important people in my life and i do not know what to do. instead of helping me you have crushed me, taken what was left of my faith and trust.
Fuck you, Joshua Danial G., for taking my virginity in a trailer where you’d taken my best friend’s only a few short months earlier.
This is that letter…
The one that I’ve written a million time. The one that tells you how much I loved you. That tells you how much you hurt me, that you destroyed me. The letter that tells you that I’m still not me, the me that I used to be.
This is the letter I’ve wanted to send, that I’v printed a million times, stamped and been to afraid to send. This is the letter that terrifies me, because I’m afraid for you to know the truth. For you to know just how much you mean to me, how much I care and will always care about you. This is the letter where I tell you that I love you, even though I know you probably haven’t even thought about me in months.
This is where I tell you that you shouldn’t have left, at least not the way you did. The letter where I let you know how much it hurt that you lied…over and over and over again. This is the letter that won’t mean anything to you, even though you mean the world to me.
This is the letter that I wish would make you go away…help erase you from my mind.
This is the letter where I tell you to go to hell. The one where I tell you that you had no right to do what you did to me, making me feel worthless, desperate, helpless and stupid.
This is the letter that I wish could make you love me. And this is the letter that will help me let go. The letter that will help me realize that you are a flawed and sad human being. This is the letter where I tell you that I know you knew how I felt. And it is not okay!
This is the letter where I would ask you why? If only you could answer. Not that you ever tell the truth.
This is the letter where I let go of you and forgive you. This is the letter where I say goodbye.