• I just love ya, baby.

    by  • May 21, 2017 • 0 Comments

    We met at age 12.
    Our relationship was always so platonic, despite being the opposite sex. We were always in love with others, we were always friends with each other’s others.
    It didn’t work out with our highschool/right after highschool sweethearts, mainly because we were both cheaters and deep down they had to know it. They both went off to college.
    We spent that summer together, brokenhearted and drunk. We fell in love, cuddling secretly, but went about it the wrong way and could never admit what it was.
    Our exes were both suspiciously, even though they couldn’t prove anything. Even though we never went too far.
    We always feared they would sleep together for revenge.

    It’s been about 6 years. We’ve both been with others, even our old exes, but we both knew nothing would work out.
    Why do we both always have 3 suitors at any one time?
    Why does everyone else keep us apart?
    Why are we both so fucked up and yet exactly the same?
    Why do we always get so close and then hurt each other?

    I can never tell if your thoughtless actions are a reaction to mine, as I promise you that my thoughtless actions are a reaction to yours.
    So many nights we’ve spent in the same houses, in bed with others.
    So many more still.
    I spend my days scouring the internet for your confession of love to me. Knowing you would never post anything like that. Knowing your words don’t mean much anyway.

    I feel you in everything I do. I see you in my dreams at night, I smell and feel you next to me before waking and realizing it’s someone else, it’s always someone else.
    It always kills me.
    The more we grow, the more we look the same, the more we talk the same, the more we can’t look into each other’s eyes because the truth there is unbearable.
    We will never be together.
    Even if we told all of our friends, lovers, and families to fuck off and finally fled to California.
    You would drink too much, find another woman who doesn’t matter to you. Like the girl that reminds you of me, or the dumb sociopathic attention whore that has you wrapped around her finger.
    I would get too high, find another man that isn’t you. Like the one who’s everything you’re not or the effeminate possibly gay pushover I found elsewhere.

    I’m afraid I’m mentally I’ll, you probably are too.
    I lose my grip on reality when I’m this alone and I want to die. If nothing else, you always listened to my suicidal rants.

    I’m so tired of acting. I’m so tired of only being able to communicate my feelings for you through songs we play. Sometimes when I’m out of it I look at my arms, and I know I sound crazy, but I swear to God they’re yours, freckles, moles and everything, (except tattoos) and holding myself is the closest thing to feeling you with me.

    All I can do is lecture you about your life decisions, you always get mad.
    All you can do is ignore me, expending all of your energy on lesser women.
    I’m scared that I’m sick and I’ve created all of this in my head. You’re like this with everyone.
    I’m ashamed that I frequently imagine walking down the aisle towards you to the whistling of Patience.
    I never wanted to marry.
    I’m mortified that you and I will always live separate lives, so intertwined, ending up with other people, less like us.

    You’re my twin.
    I see you in everything I do.
    Is it as hard for you to live with half of yourself missing as it is for me?
    I hope that in another universe, we’re very happy together.
    If I don’t last in this one, you will be in my thoughts.
    Forever and always.

    Can’t believe I ever cared

    by  • May 21, 2017 • 0 Comments

    I look back on it all, what an idiot I was. So my worth it and so not worth all of this. You’re a stranger now, I feel nothing but remorse and can’t wait till this newest part of hell we created is over. Absolutely ridiculous! Thanks for slapping my brain back into reality. You have manipulated all the facts. I should have never given you reason to go so far. Once this drama is over that’s it, absolutely 100% completely don’t give a fuck. There’s no coming back from this.

    Pat

    by  • May 21, 2017 • 0 Comments

    There is not enough anger in this world to cover how I feel about you. About Julie. About the whole thing. Had a little doctors visit where I discovered that miss Julie left me with a nice parting gift of the genital kind. In the meantime, your over there like loom at my beautiful Fb life all whole talking shit about your wife. Now, you’re so in love and now she commenting on all your posts. You are a master manipulator. Narcissistic dick. You are the worst thing that ever happened to me. Her too. I pray every night that God takes this anger and hate from me because neither of you are worth going to hell for. Still doesn’t mean I don’t want to mame either of you. So much hate. And your poor wife is dumber than a box of rocks . your sneaky AF and always have been. I always knew it. That’s why your gone. I will forever hate you. Maybe someday it will lessen

    Twin Mirror

    by  • May 21, 2017 • 0 Comments

    Decision,
    Wow, baby girl its been awhile, hasn’t it?
    You have no idea how much I miss you. Your soul is my mirror & although I am currently in the running phase, I thought it necessary to tell you I am sorry & I love you. Until every last breath leaves my body I will always love you. With every fiber of my being I will always love you. With every beat of my heart and rise of my chest I will love you. Until the earth stops spinning and the birds stop chirping I will always love you. It is not her I think of but you. It’s always been you. It shall always be you. Forevermore. Doth quote the raven, forevermore!

    Lost love?

    by  • May 21, 2017 • 0 Comments

    Dear Cozette,

    I nearly wrote directly to you and also considered contacting you through facebook. I decided against those ideas, because it has been over 45 years since we last talked during our senior year at North high.

    Although I had been dating before I met you, you were the first girl that I was genuinely infatuated with. I remember how shy you were–even more shy than I was. I remember your long blonde hair and your large lovely eyes that seemed to shine when you looked at me. A girl had never looked at me with as much interest and, dare I say, passion.

    At the beginning of our senior year at North, I worked up the courage to go and sit with you at 6th hour study hall. I remember silly details about our conversation. You had a project in one of your classes and I was pretending to give you some advice.

    What a dolt I was. You were clearly flattered by my overt attention and I was excited by your welcoming attitude. If we had continued to have study hall together… However, because we were seniors, the school gave us the option of going home instead of attending a 6th hour study hall. I could have offered you a ride home in my car. I was too shy to think of proposing such an idea.

    I never called or approached you to ask for a date. I think I was not ready for where it might lead–a serious relationship?

    Was I just imagining that you were also interested in me? It has been so long that I’m not even sure YOU could answer that now. The only evidence I have are the looks you gave me every time we passed each other at school. Even after you started dating Mark H., you didn’t stop giving me a kind glance whenever you saw me. I saw more than a friendly look. Was I wrong?

    You went to WSU as I did, but our paths never really crossed again. The last time I saw you was in a parking lot at WSU. I believe you were driving a Corvair and that you had cut your hair short. I thought about approaching you, but decided it would be just too weird.

    I have thought about you over the years and what would have happened, if I had had a little more courage to ask you out in high school. There’s no way of knowing now but I admit that it bothers me to think I might have missed the opportunity to know you and to better understand my feelings.

    I am married with three grown children and a comfortable life in California. I love my wife and would never do anything to risk our marriage.

    My curiosity got the best of me a couple of years ago when it was time for the 45th reunion of our high school graduating class. I considered going, but not really seriously because I am still a pretty shy person. I did, however, enjoy reading some of the memories and life stories of our classmates. Of course I wondered what had happened to you, but you had not signed up with the reunion website (neither did I).

    I persisted in trying to find you. It was hard because you were married and no longer using your maiden name, but I did eventually find your facebook page. I’m sorry if this obsession looks like stalking, but I wanted to know how your life turned out.

    You are still as lovely as you were in high school. It looks like you have had a happy life and I am pleased for you. I hope you enjoyed your career as an art teacher at Truesdale. You had a lot of courage to work with junior high kids. It was a shock for me to think of you with a daughter in her mid 30’s. For me, you are still the little blonde high school senior with the captivating eyes.

    I think it would be strange and awkward to reconnect with you, which is why I have posted this letter here. If you ever read this letter, I only want you to know, Cozette, that I regret not knowing you better when we were high school seniors at North.

    All the best and with my sincere love,

    Your classmate, R.

    Lovely Linda

    by  • May 21, 2017 • 0 Comments

    Dear Linda,

    I know you were as interested in me as I was in you.

    I remember the first time I danced with you on New Year’s eve. You were still married and I was a student working at the hotel. I was surprised by your assertive behavior in asking me to dance with you. I thought you were drunk (you probably were), but I know that the alcohol in reality was releasing your inhibitions to approach me.

    A few weeks later, after your separation from your husband, you came onto me very strongly at the hotel bar. I was working that night, but you insisted you wanted me to go bar-hopping with you and you clearly indicated your sexual interest by your intense kiss that followed the invitation. I have never experienced another kiss as erotic and passionate. Since I had to work and needed the job, I was unable to go with you.

    Fuck that job. There are others. I don’t even care if our relationship turned out to be a one-night stand. You were so sexy and I have never been as turned on as I was that night.

    I had time to think about getting involved with you after that night and it allowed me to make a rational (and wrong) decision. Since I knew you were getting a divorce and had two kids, I thought that I shouldn’t get in the middle of all that turmoil. Sure, it might have been a mistake to get involved with you, but I regret that I didn’t let my lust for you win.

    It’s been a couple of years and when I recently saw you downtown, I know that your invitation for coffee was a clear sign that you were still interested. I am married now and although the temptation to have sex with you is overwhelming, I will have to resist it. The closest I’ll get to you is in my fantasies.

    xoxo,

    R.