• I miss you

    by  • July 16, 2017 • 3 Comments

    This is my only outlet, and the only place I can explore my feelings for you.

    I do love you, but I can never tell you and it eats me up inside. I still cling to the hope that one day we get the chance to talk properly. What I would give for an hour of time alone with you. There is something about you that is magnetic, and you are genuinely special. I hope you know that, and I hope you are made to feel loved, wanted and needed every day. If not, there is something criminally wrong in the world.

    Here’s sending you all the love that you have no idea you are getting. I look forward to seeing you soon, and not getting the chance to speak to you properly again. Deep down, I’ll be frustrated and torn, but on the surface I will be polite and jovial as always. Mr Cool Calm and Collected that’s me. If only you knew…

    Last straw

    by  • July 16, 2017 • 0 Comments

    I’m sorry Tahlz but that was wrong and I won’t put up with it. You need to wake up to yourself & see what/ who the common denominator to all these problems is – N

    She has finally managed to drag as much drama into your life as hers. All that staying up late into the night to share drama’s at the expense of everyone and everything else. Was it worth it? –
    I’m sure she’s got some sickly sweet friendship meme to share to justify it all.

    Personally my favorite is “good luck and take care, by good luck I mean go fuck yourself and by take care I mean go fuck yourself”

    Just makin’ a promise — on a website because I believe too much

    by  • July 16, 2017 • 0 Comments

    So its strange to send this on a website. I feel that going outside, writing this on an airplane, and throwing into the wind would do better, but its not a good time, and being the paranoid person I am, going outside alone without letting anyone know is quite dangerous. Yet this task is best done alone, so I guess the internet will suffice.

    After all, its the belief that counts, and that’s why I do these kinds of things. I feel that if I write it somewhere and release it outward, it will heal my broken heart and it will make me feel fulfilled, like it mattered, and like the promise I am about to make will have actually been made and therefore it will be carried out.

    At times I question the newer technology, but I probably shouldn’t be afraid of the new medium. Besides, a paper would be quite strange to a caveman, and an “internet” is quite strange to me. But nonetheless, its the wish that counts. That’s why we, or at least I, do these things.

    I promise, to myself, that I am not going to let myself down.

    I will reach my dreams, in the allotted time that I have chosen, and that I have always felt.

    I will try not to stall, to melt my brain on these new fads, to fall victim to the common addicting entertainment that does nothing for me in the long run. Because I will try my best to not to let anything get in the way of my dreams.

    I will listen to myself and to my friends.

    I will believe in myself.

    I will let myself be depressed if I need to be, but I will not feed it with things that I know I don’t need.

    I promise that I will be rational, healthy, and I am going to do this. This which I have wanted for a long time.

    I WILL NOT LET IT GO. I will NOT let mundane things get in the way of what I want.

    I promise, in 3 years, I will have reached my dream. And I promise, within 1 year, I will be able to see the dream very close by. I promise, that even today, I will work on that dream, and that at the end of this year, I will have started a journey.

    In two months, I will aspire to write a REAL letter. And if I cannot, I will not let it hurt me more than it needs to.

    I will learn, and I will keep my promise.


    I think I know what my dream was

    by  • July 16, 2017 • 0 Comments

    That little girl in my dream wasn’t instead of you not having your son. That little girl was our little girl. She was our daughter. It took me a minute to figure out, but I did. I can’t believe it. The crazy thing was that she looked so much like me with your complexion. She was beautiful. She reminded me much of when I was a child. Why did I not see that before?

    Not sure if this was a sign. But either way I’m listening. Who knows.

    Writing here has helped. Although I may not be able to ever speak you again.