• Sit down with you

    by  • March 25, 2017 • 0 Comments

    Remember how i used to have this fantasy of sitting down with you and having a heart to heart? I wish i could sit down with you and know how you like it in your new job. When i say that i mean an honest opinion, no formalities, please. Just raw honest feedback. Are you happy? Is it challenging enough for you to stay for a few years working for them? Or are you just gathering the experience to move on? Is it what you thought it’d be? Do you feel accomplished there or will you go back to school to move up? Do you still want to have your own practice? Something tells me the answer to the last question is Yes…idk probably within half a decade, or before decade is over?
    Wish i could somehow hear it from you

    no longer walking over me

    by  • March 25, 2017 • 0 Comments

    I let people use me they will do whatever and walk all over me and get what they want. They tell lies about me and they don’t try and help me, but I forgive and forget but it will never leave my head. I just let them walk over me well that’s gonna stop. I am a new girl I will not take your crap anymore, Once I’m done with you I’m done if I tell you to leave me alone you better now I mean it. I wont deal with it any longer. When I’m done you had better know I’m done with you because I am not going to be so forgiving form now on. You will no longer get away with hurting or walking all over me. Once you lose my trust you lose it you will never get it back sorry i have trusted to many people.

    Fuck you

    by  • March 25, 2017 • 1 Comment

    Fuck you.

    I love you. I love you with every last piece of my soul and than some. You told me you loved me. You told me you wanted no one but me. You asked me to marry you.

    Than you find out that the chick you fucked around on me with was pregnant and everything changed. You decided you didn’t want to marry me. You treated me like shit. You ignored me. You acted as if I didn’t exist. You kicked me and my kids out on the street with no where to go. No explanation as to why you were treating me that way. No reason as to why you changed your mind…you told me you weren’t talking to her. I didn’t care if you were…but still you decided to lie.

    I hope you discover after the DNA test, that I really hope you get, that the baby isn’t yours. I hope you regret throwing me away. You’re a sad excuse for a man. You’re a coward. You’re a fucking whore. You are selfish. You are self-centered.

    I hope you are miserable…

    Hail Malibu

    by  • March 25, 2017 • 0 Comments

    Sweet. Pretty. Soft. Cold. Leaves a residue. Has a kick. Makes you grimace, burns your throat. This is how I would describe it. How I would tell anyone if they wanted to experience it. Order a Malibu Dream. Sit at a table with someone you once thought you knew. Someone you once loved.

    It hurt. It was intense. It was painful. My head kept spinning. My heart was bleeding. Everything in me felt as though it was being torn apart. But I needed to keep that soft exterior. Everyone I loved was in my head. I had to do this. It came over me and nothing could reverse the fact that here I am, and this is it.

    The words spilled from me and I couldn’t stop. I didn’t hold back, I was honest. And the truth isn’t pretty. But the facts are the facts. To evoke such a cold soul to tears, shocked me. For someone to need three cigarettes just from my words.

    I hope. I pray. That I broke the glass. That I ended the coma. That what was once blurry became clear. It has to happen this way. Or everything ends and it is all war.

    You told me you loved me and I couldn’t respond. This was a night of honesty. Not forced words. Everything I said was the truth. I believe everything you said was true in your messed up ways, but you have to show that you mean these things.

    You told me how much I had blown you away. How elegant I was. It was just from me speaking the truth. Just from me finally being who I am, when I was around you before I was always so closed up. It was different because I wasn’t afraid. You couldn’t hurt me in such a setting.

    I told you to stop speaking hateful things about me. I explained my point of view on religion, on how I believe, on who I am. On how it has taken me forever to be truly and completely comfortable with who I am and I wear it like armor. It cannot be used against me. When I am with a woman one day, you probably still won’t take it seriously. But it’s going to be my life.

    You were so broken down. Tears. Pain. And I couldn’t cry of course. I can’t cry anymore. But even such a situation could not bring me to tears, just shock. Just severe flashbacks.

    I feel like I could see the shattered glass. I believe I broke through. And what’s left now is a very bloodied me. The glass cut me. This will take time to recover from.

    And it all may have been for nothing. But at least now I know. At least I got my final words.