So for years I had been bullied on my bus and it didn’t stop until ninth grade. So if you do the math, I was bullied for around nine years, probably less than that. I had never told anyone about the verbal abuse I took because I didn’t think I was being bullied until I realized I was in eighth grade. My bully, it’s like they wired my brain for all those years. If they talk to me, I tense up because i’m scared they’re going to hurt me. If they even put a finger on me or put a hand on my shoulder, I have a panic attack because I can’t deal with them. I’ve never told anyone this because i’m scared it would ruin my chances of being in the Marine Corps. But it honestly helps talking about it. My bully never knew what they did to me, and I want to tell them, but i’m afraid i’ll start yelling and hurt them the way they hurt me. I would never wish that on anyone, even people I hate. I hate that i’m programmed. I. HATE. THIS.
I have know idea who you are. I don’t know what kind of family you grew up in and where you work. In my dreams I see you. You have an incredible smile. You are tall. You love me and all my mistakes. I love you and all your mistakes. We don’t have high expectations or unreasonable ones for each other. We trust each other. I trust you. You trust me. We have open communication and are physical a lot.
I wear a ring on my right hand. It’s a promise ring just for you. In my dreams you come soon. Please come soon now. I’m ready. The falls showed me the type of chemistry I could have. I want that. I truly do. Will you show me? Will you touch me? Will you wait to kiss me someplace beautiful like on a mountain top?
I want to share everything, my heart, my family, my life with you. I so desperately want you. Just you. You who are made so perfectly for me.I’m made perfectly for you. I could cry. I could laugh. I could be content. Right now.
I feel you are here. I long for you to be here. No. Not on this site necessarily but that would be amazing if you were. Just think of the love story we would have to tell if you really found this place and found me on here. I feel you are here in my heart just waiting for the right time to show yourself to me…face..hands…arms… and all.
I can’t wait to be with you. I can’t wait to hold you with all my short self lol.
I’m saving the best of me for you. I’m saving all of me for you. Find me. Ask me. You know my answer is going to be yes. Don’t be shy. Please don’t hold back or keep yourself from asking me. Be brave. You will be happily surprised when I say I’m yours.
Let’s not take it slow. We are not getting any younger. Let’s go fast. Time is short. I want to spend all my days with you.
I’m not into this anymore. You can have your sight back. I just don’t feel like being ignored anymore. I’m moving forward. You are freed .
This is for the best.
I am so done with you. If you would’ve answered my text, if you would’ve met me outside, I only would’ve asked you if it were real. I need to know for my own sanity… was my dream the other night real? Did I wake up where I thought I was? In a drunken stupor? Was that real? Please. I deserve to know. HE deserves to know…
Instead I sent you an innocent “Are you awake?” text and you ignored me.
If I were being honest, I would tell you that I care for you, but you turned your light out after my text… so guess what?
I am done. With you. With him. I am all about me now. All about me an my two… gentlemen. I wish you could love me in the way I deserve to be loved, but anything less is an insult. And you won’t even go half as far… so, I guess it’s too bad. Thanks for keeping me in the dark for forever about whatever happened that night.
But what do I tell him?
We won’t last. I know that. Two years or less is all I give you. I told you. Life’s to short. Your selfish. All the money in the world…doesnt make a man. Your out of town and send me a text? Goodnight to you too. Grow up, put on deodorant…just saying….and learn to love a woman. Obviously I’m not the one…and I’m over it.
I still lust after you.
If I look at you and you notice looking back it makes my heart jump and beat like crazy.
I am so so desperate to be close to you.
Even when near you I feel like this magnetic pull pulling me closer to you.
I just can’t avoid you.
I really like being around you.
You make me feel happy, giddy and excitable.
Not too sure how I make you feel.
You’re so unpredictable and I really like that about you (most of the time).
Sometimes would love to know what you’re thinking, but then I guess you could say the same for me.
You don’t give much away yet you discreetly show me that you are still present and you are aware.
I so wish things were different. I wish that I could see you and we could speak.
I’ve thought that for so long now though. When do I stop and just accept it is what it is. But I can’t because you keep showing me it’s not at all, it’s worth continuing. I don’t mind that at all. Just hope one day it will be more than that, that we can have commun-i-cation 🙂