by  • July 19, 2018 • 0 Comments

    I debated whether to send this as I am not looking to further any
    negativity with you both, BUT your email reply was not cool and you
    obviously have zero care in what YOU say, how you say and do things and it’s subsequent

    A simple email without game playing would have counted for so much!

    Why is this so hard to do?

    You said ‘same here’ that you didn’t deliberately use lower case for the email BUT we all know this is just not true. You both are way more transparent than you think.

    I don’t know what’s sadder or more lame; you believing your own story or
    that you believe we’ll believe your stories!

    I’ve known since you were 14. You made up fake coffee cards to get free
    coffees, used cones illegally to save parking at uni and you have been
    caught out in blatant lies over the years.

    Not cool to be dishonest. You both embellish so easily to cover your tracks. You constantly change your story, assume
    the worst in people and drag out stuff.

    You reply just shows that not much has changed in over 4 years. FOUR
    years and you’re still being petty and immature in how you respond and act
    with your own brother and myself.

    You don’t care what you say.

    Why not a real email with an intention to connect?

    Obviously you don’t want to for whatever reason. All under the guise of,
    ‘you’re so mean to priti.’

    Old news.

    It was a complete turn off. J didn’t really care if you guys
    connected. He knows he can drop in and see you etc and he had no
    interest in all four of us getting together.

    It was me. I feel for your parents. It’s obvious it pains them that
    their sons and daughters in laws don’t get along. Dad was in tears last
    time we all talked about this stuff. He doesn’t even get to have
    everyone together for his birthday.

    Obviously this is not a concern to you or you would have reached out years ago.

    Your mum told J to make the first move as she basically said she
    knew you wouldn’t as you were too immature to do so.

    Oh well! Not my family. I’m super close to my big family and you
    guys are not nice people to interact with/nor my family.

    No matter what you do in life, you’re the guy that can’t get his sh*t
    together to have a relationship with his brother. Your problem.

    No effort on Priti’s part to reach out to me personally to attempt to fix things.
    I’m sure it was her idea to use lower case in your reply, am i right?

    You told J about lower cases being used for your name years ago and priti getting offended. That’s why I emailed back to clarify in case you both got offended. Anything we say and do is up for offense.

    FYI, Amanda (our past VA) wrote pretty much 90%
    of those emails from ‘us’ to you. Not much can be done about all that
    now so no point in pointing fingers….


    by  • July 19, 2018 • 0 Comments

    I love you just the way you are, no matter what. Nothing could ever change that, I promise.

    I’m sorry

    by  • July 19, 2018 • 3 Comments

    Back then, you could have fixed me easily. There wasn’t nearly as much pain. I told my self you just didn’t care that I needed your help. But maybe I was just already to broken to see you needed me just as much. I apologize that I wasn’t there for you, in whatever way you needed me. Please, baby, believe me that I would have moved hell and earth if I knew how to help you. If I knew what you’ve been through or are still going through. Opening up is never as easy as it sounds, so I don’t blame you for that. I am here now, just as scarred, probably more, my insides are hideously mangled and convulsed. But maybe, with time, I’m a little wiser. And maybe, I can start being the man you always needed me to be. Help me help you. I think that will help me too.

    Letters to Him

    by  • July 19, 2018 • 0 Comments

    I miss you so much. Do you miss me? Was I too much for you? Was I not enough? I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without crying. You broke me, and no one is here to help me pick up the pieces. It’s just me. I stay up all night wondering if you are hurting like me. My chest hurts. I can barely walk. You did this to me. I used to sing in the shower now I can barely shower and when I do, I try to scrub your touch off my skin even if it causes me pain. I laid in bed all night crying with my hand over my mouth, so no one would hear my pain. My tears are stained on my pillows. While one of my hands is covering my mouth the other is holding onto my heart. It hurts so much. It feels broken. Can I die of a broken heart? The song you dedicated to me is on replay. I lay on the bathroom floor and just cry while I listen to those lyrics on replay. “I won’t give up on us, even if the skies get rough.” You gave up on us. Why did you give up? Do you not love me anymore? Is there someone else? Why did you give up so fast? Are you worried about me? I prayed for you last night. I don’t know why. I should be hating you right now, but I can’t. I can’t do anything. Maybe this is a lesson. Maybe God is trying to teach me how to be independent but why did he have to break my heart in the process? Why am I blaming God for this? I can’t find anyone to blame. I wish God would just come down and talk to me. Tell me everything is going to be okay. I want you to tell me everything is going to be okay, we’re going to get through this. You don’t feel the same way about me. You always said you would fight for this. Why aren’t you fighting for us? I gave you everything. My body, my heart, my soul….everything. How do I take it back? How do I take back my innocence? You said I was your future and your past. Am I nothing to you now?


    by  • July 19, 2018 • 0 Comments

    I care about you too and i still do.
    i need my friend back. I hate to say it, your the only friend i feel i can count on
    I dont know why you want to move on if we both feel the same way for each other
    why is there a push and pull
    You once said you could feel when something was wrong
    Well right now, something is wrong
    Its that I need my friend back and hes far from my reach..
    I miss you… i need you right now, even if just as a friend.
    Im not prideful to say it im in dark place right now.. sigh.. whether you stay or walk out of my life is your choosing.
    And maybe just maybe, you left a long time ago and i was only fooling myself here.

    This is all so fucked up and it hurts