• Confession

    by  • September 24, 2016 • 0 Comments

    If I could I would talk to you face to face. Not over a text. I would watch you’re heart break and fall to the ground. I would watch mine look at it and cry out for us to help him. And I would turn away. Your dark eyes my dark soul we draw together like a moth to a flame. I know I started it and I know you wanted to be friends in the end. But you never acted like one. And then the day you told me you were too scared I wanted to cry. I wanted to yell at you- I was real with you I conquered those fears for you and yet you’ve treated me like I was a monster. Kept me at a distance afraid to see who I really was. Kept using the same words, granted they were nice but I had heard those words before.
    I can’t even put into words what you’ve put me through by you remaining silent. Me always texting first. Always asking first. Dying inside first.
    And then dragging our friend into the war? The one you like more than me? It was a cruel move. I know you’re hurt, but so am I. The day i let of you I felt more free and so much happier than I’ve ever been for years.
    And then our friends talks and I’m back in the war. Back to waiting in anticipation for your next text. One I know I’ll never get, one that you don’t dare to send. I wanted you to chase after me, like I was after you and our friend was.
    Joke’s on you.
    I’m done being affiliated with you. I don’t deserve you. You don’t deserve me.
    This is goodbye, maybe my heart will heal again. Maybe I’ll be able to move on after this.
    So goodbye.
    Don’t come back.

    I’m not angry

    by  • September 24, 2016 • 0 Comments

    Paul,

    It’s not your real name, but it’s what I’ll call you. I was originally going to send this as an email but I realised — I don’t have your email. I don’t really know what I’m meant to be feeling about you right now, because of everything that’s happened, but I think I’m falling in love with you.

    I don’t want to be doing this, god, I hate this. It’s not something I can control. I’m not going to tell you, though, because I don’t want to put you in that position. You said a while ago that you loved me and then threw that away by dating someone you knew bullied me — that’s okay. After that, you got my hopes up again, and said you’d like to date me (don’t say that to me pls), and threw that away (again), by dating him.

    I knew it wasn’t going to last between you and him, but throughout the short time it did last I changed into a more self-aware person. I started getting into UN Youth stuff, which is great, and I was trying so hard not to think about you.

    I don’t know, I texted you last night and we had a conversation and you seemed like you used to be (you got my hopes up again, bastard). I’ve fallen again, within the space of half an hour (maybe an hour) I fell so fucking hard for you, whoops.

    I guess the word ‘love’ meant something completely different to me before. It’s not like I’m not a romantic because I am, but it meant something that came as you got older and more sure of yourself. I guess I didn’t realise someone so perfect was sitting there, right in front of my eyes.

    I’m 16, I’m still a kid, damn it. I’m not old enough to feel like this, I know too little. I put knowledge before you for a while there, and you figured that out and left. You had every right to do so — of course you did. I was an asshole, and I’m so sorry. I am, I’m so sorry.

    I’m not going to tell you any of this, but I love you. I’m sure of it. All I can think about is how damn good you are to hold, and how amazing you look when you’re lost in your music. I want to kiss you so hard, and I want you to be happy.

    I guess I’ve matured because all I want is for you to be sure of yourself. I want you to be happy, and I don’t care if you’re not happy with me, I just want you to be happy.

    With love,
    V

    Why?

    by  • September 24, 2016 • 0 Comments

    Why did you do the things you did? Why did you turn on me? Why did you let me go so easily? Why did you stop loving me? A real parent doesn’t do those things to a child. Not only did you physically abuse me but you emotionally abused me. It’s been four years since we last talked. I still stay up late at night crying about why my dad doesn’t love me while I hear all of my friends stories about their dads and how amazing they are. I have a lot of unresolved anger towards you. You stole my happy, my childhood, and my ability to have a normal life. My mom talks about how lively, confident, and happy I was until sometime after I was four. One day I just changed. I grew quiet and scared of everything. I apologize for everything. The scars on my leg are a permanent reminder of your stupidity. You are only in my life still thanks to my sister. You and your wife need to stop glaring at me every time y’all see me. I’m your daughter you turned on not a unicorn. You lied to all of your family and I couldn’t hate you more. I don’t use the word hate very often and I don’t use it lightly. I hate you. Thanks to you I am scared of all males who have any form of authority over me. I also struggle to have a normal relationship with my boyfriend. He knows everything you’ve done to me and he doesn’t get how a father could be so cruel.

    Hide & Seek

    by  • September 23, 2016 • 0 Comments

    Perhaps, it is time for me to leave now. After all, I am the one with the “status”.
    I hope you’re ok, that is all.
    I don’t think of you any less than I have before, you’re always on my mind. Just chillin’. đŸ™‚
    If you wish to speak, then you know where to find me. I am done playing hide and seek. There is only so much we can do, I understand now.
    This pain, still the same.
    I propose a friendship, that is all that I can give.

    Feeling is mutual, but mind just isn’t ready to hear the heart and soul out.