• Dichotomy

    by  • October 19, 2014 • 2 Comments

    The world is unpredictable. This is perhaps the most predictable conclusion you can reach if you really sit there and think — think about all the pain and suffering; the frequency a pillow case needs washing because of all the tear stains which are practically sewn into the fabric. Then think of the inexpressible torrents of joy pelting your miserable life and dragging you out of that quagmire of depression where you dwelled so long and comfortably.

    Love does not find the seeker of its embrace, but rather crouches in the shadows ready to pounce when at last the search has been called off and then it races out, grabs your hunched-over frame and lifts your feet from the ground in a carousel flurry and never lets your head out of the clouds. This has been my reality and frankly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    Yet even the purest and deepest love can never be expected to defeat deep-rooted demons that refuse to be extricated by the love that now consumes you. 2014 has been a year of battling and overcoming the odds. It has been a year for statistics and improbabilities, and with each new challenge that arises comes the relief of overcoming it. Five months it has been since I found a life worth living for, and all those years of daydreaming and aspiring to obtain a life’s pursuit could never hold a candle the reality I dwell in, and I’d never want to look at this dream the same way again.

    You are the most beautiful and lovely face I have ever known in this conscious and subconscious world. You found me in the way that I found you — broken and bleeding and in dire need of intervention. You have taken every misguided philosophy I’ve held on to and removed it from the equation. Every variable compliments one another and leads us to the conclusion that many may be reluctant to reach, yet here we are time and time again proving that “impossible” has no place in the English language, or any language for that matter. The lives that we hold dear are more precious than we can imagine.

    Surrender is never an option. Giving up is a ridiculous “route” because nothing worth obtaining can ever be anticipated. Nothing is predictable. Times may be tough and an answer may be lost in this swirling mist that surrounds us, but it is there nonetheless, waiting for the right time for us to stumble upon it. It will never be late in presenting itself and we will only grow stronger with each trial that we conquer together.

    I love you, and I always will.
    ~Enjay

    reflecting

    by  • October 19, 2014 • 0 Comments

    I’m one of those girls that many people do not like. Many women that is, family too, Because they think I have it all. They think I’m perfect. Well I’ve always been very confident. But lately my confidence has been dwindling. I’m rather sad. I miss the old me that used to sing frank sinatra in the shower. My mother admired the fact that I was the only one that could sing in the family, yet I only put it to use in the bathroom. I can’t even make a note anymore. Things like this make u realize “it comes from within” quotes are cliche for a reason. They are true. When I’m happy I blurt them out like air. Besides my singing I have lost an interest in school. Well I guess it’s because these r my last two months here and i’ll be transferring to a much more difficult school. I’m very excited and nervous about starting. Can’t wait. I believe with all my being that I can be whatever I want. I am blessed from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet and a little struggle and sadness won’t take that away. One thing I have thought about my life is that whatever bad situation that occurred something great always comes from it in the end. Maybe it’s because I’m positive. This is why I believe some people do not like me. I am not like them. I do not dwell on the past and have that passive, “I can’t change anything” attitude. I do not envelop myself in negativity. And before I let anyone make me feel bad about myself I’ll feel bad for you sorry souls. Unlike some of these girls I don’t sit and gossip and hate others. I just like to talk about good times. And People even have a problem with the fact that I speak proper english. I was not born in this city and I will not change to fit in with anyone. Sure I am tempted sometimes to change for others but I don’t. I like myself. I like that I’m shy and precious and kind. i’m a lily among thorns. That’s just the person I am. I don’t know why people are telling me (literally) that I need to change. I know it’s a cruel world but instead of becoming abrasive I rather be kind and make the world a little less unbearable. People are so full of shit nowadays. I only type curses. I don’t curse either. I guess I’m a goody goody as they say. But it is not in my nature to curse. I can be provocative and decent at the same time right lol. I pray that i’ll be kind and loving forever. I do not want living in this violent, chaotic, stupid city with rude disgusting people make me change. I’m gonna go to church next sunday. Besides spending $$$ Spirituality is my escape. God please just protect me and conserve my heart. Let me be strong. Let these people not affect me with their insults and negative attitudes. And I don’t ask to be more trusting of others but to not be so standoffish. I rarely find anyone I just gravitate to. I have this subconscious guard up. I don’t want to not like people but perhaps it’s my instincts. Keep negative people away from me. This is one of my biggest prayers to you. I see you are already doing that and allowing genuine people to enter my life. Thank you so much for blessing me. Please I want nothing more than to have a pure heart and be a positive influence on others. Please let whichever creep is stalking me to leave me alone too. The one physically stalking and the one cyber stalking. Please draw me closer to you and continue to be accepting and content with my life and who I am. please also help me to not invest so much time on facebook. I really wish I didn’t care much about it.

    Finally

    by  • October 19, 2014 • 1 Comment

    I am ready. I am free. The path to what my heart desires can be more easily discerned. My heart is finally open and fertile. I just need to courage to move fast and deliberately, without hesitation.

    How long?

    by  • October 19, 2014 • 0 Comments

    Just like everyone else, I deserve the choice of it being “all-in” or “all-out”. I would prefer “all-in”, but I don’t get to choose. Life does, you do . . .crossing my fingers?

    Dear SeaOtter

    by  • October 19, 2014 • 0 Comments

    If you were crying and someone gave you a used tissue, would you take it? I would, because many people cried on your shoulder once, SeaOtter, and I’m just one of them. There’s nothing wrong with taking a used tissue. I hope to see you again. I have a spell so I can get to you, so I can be with you. But if it doesn’t work, then according to the spell, you’re only something I want, not need. But even if that does happen, I KNOW you’re something I need. Who doesn’t need their only friend and best friend for that matter? If the spell doesn’t work, then it’s a fake. I’m trying so hard to get to you. I feel I’m so close. Just one more step. Wait for me, SeaOtter. I’m almost there.

    From, your best friend, Mouse