• True Love

    by  • May 28, 2015 • 0 Comments

    When we met, I didn’t expect to love you. I didn’t even expect us to even be friends. But we did. We were best friends. We told each other things that we have never told anyone else before. You helped me figure out things that I never even knew about myself. I started to think about kissing you and I had these feelings that I couldn’t figure out so I just told myself that I considered us to be sisters. But I knew that that wasn’t how I truly felt. And then that day at the cabin happened. We sat in front of the tv, cuddled, laughed, and tried to ignore that you mom and stepdad were there. On the last night you told me something so personal. You told me that for the longest time you were in love with me and that you couldn’t control these feelings any longer. I started to realize that I had those same feelings too. And I told you and you looked so happy. For some reason that scared me and I just told you that it didn’t mean anything. And then you cried but we talked about it and you decided that you were going to ignore it an that we were still best friends no matter what. For the next month though, I struggled with my feelings with you. I couldn’t help it. They kept getting stronger and stronger as time went by. When I confessed my feelings for you, I was so relieved. And then you kissed me and told me that everything would be perfect from here on out. That morning we watched a movie, cuddled, and you spent half of the time kissing my neck. It felt so amazing. We were together for almost 5 months. And they were the best 5 months of my whole entire life. We were both so happy and when I asked you if you were, you looked at me and said, “I swear, I have never ever felt this happy in my life.” Everything was perfect. We even found out that two of our friends were also a same-sex couple that were a secret. Everything just fell into place. But then, they broke up. You told me that if they couldn’t make it, how could we? And me and you took different sides. I told you that even though we had a different point-of-view, I didn’t want to talk about it with you and that we loved each other and nothing else matters. But you weren’t the same after that. You started pushing me away and telling me that I made you feel miserable because I was always forcing you to hangout with me instead of hanging with your friends. Even though you were the one always asking me over but it never bothered me that we hung out every weekend because I thought you wanted to too, obviously. You stopped telling me that you loved me. You stopped writing me long messages about how beautiful I was and how much you loved me even though I still did it. Two weeks later you broke it off. You told me that you didn’t love me anymore and I was absolutely crushed. That night, I cried myself to sleep. I don’t understand. It honestly didn’t make any sense. You just told me that you wanted to be friends again. Then, the day after we broke up, you told me that you had feelings for someone else and you asked me for advice. It still hurts so much and I still love you. It hurts more that because some other couple gave up, you gave up too. And you lied and told me that you didn’t love me anymore. I know that’s not true though. I can tell. You still look at me the same way and sometimes when we sit next to each other, your hand is placed on my leg. I know you. I know you still love me I can tell by the way you’re acting. Everyone is asking why you are so upset and pissy. And I don’t have an answer for them. I’m so worried about you. I want to help but you won’t let me. But I really need to. I want to help. I don’t care if we end up together. I mean, I would absolutely love to, but I want you to be happy first. I’m told that I need to forget about you but I can’t. I know something’s wrong. Something’s off and I intend to find out. I will always love you and care for you.

    my adorable one

    by  • May 28, 2015 • 0 Comments

    I accidentally fell in love with you. I am now on a most lonely path. Our friendship is magnificent and I love you so. I know it is complicated. It is full of scandal and I wouldn’t want to disrupt little peace we have. I am sure that you understand.I need you sometimes. More than your voice on the phone. But hearing your voice sure works for me. Thanks so much!????

    Dear Darren,

    by  • May 28, 2015 • 0 Comments

    I’m not going to be bitter. Holding a grudge on you is a waste of my time and effort. You may have hurt me more than anyone in my life ever has, but you also made me happier than anyone in my life ever has. It’s unfortunate that it had to be both but there’s nothing I can do but accept it and move forward.

    It really does pain me to think that you did what you did. You knew I’d been rushed before, you knew I’d been hurt before, you knew I’d been left before, you knew I’d been lied to before, and you effortlessly did all that in one night, as if I didn’t exist. I started to realize why you broke all your promises about the future, you were still stuck in your past.

    I really don’t care for the life of me if I sound crazy for saying this but I fell for you. I fell for you every time I saw you, every time you kissed me, every time I laid down next to you at night, every time you laughed, every time you smiled. I fell for you when I sang to you at my show and it felt like it was just you and I in that room of people. I fell for you when you took your shirt off in front of me for the first time and told me you trusted me. I fell for you when you let Kelly cry in the car like she was your own best friend. I fell for you when you kept hiding your face in the pillow because you were too scared to look into my eyes. I fell for you when you asked me to sing and stared at me while I painted the guest room and gave me the look every girl dreams a man will give her. I fell for you when I noticed you looking at me like that all the time. I fell for you when you told me we would make it work while I was off becoming a Marine. I fell for you when you marched in my foyer and showed me how much you wanted to be a soldier. I fell for you when you told me you couldn’t keep your hands off me in the back of your jeep. I fell for you when I knew you couldn’t keep your hands off me when you pulled me into your arms when I came in after my shower still in a towel and told me how much you loved listening to me sing. I fell for you when we were at the firehouse talking about getting married with ring pops, me strawberry and you watermelon. I fell for you when I told you I’d marry you if you brought me donuts at 2am and you bought them and gave me a strawberry ring pop and said “you said you would if I bought them”.
    I fell for you when you shoved mud in my mouth and still let me kiss you. I fell for you when you told me I was perfect; I didn’t believe it but I knew you did. I fell for you as I watched my friends, my firehouse and family fall for you. I fell for you when called me your best friend. I fell for you when I realized you were mine. I fell for you when you handed me your job shirt and told me “keep it, even if you break my heart.” But I stood back up when you broke mine.

    I’m never going to tell you I hate you. I’m not going to call you names. I’m not going to block you. I’m not going to talk badly about you. I know my Darren, my sweet Dar Bear who’s head smells like sunshine and happiness exists. Whether he exists now, or just in the past, or just in my heart, he exists, and I’ll always love that Darren. Because in one month he became my best friend and introduced me to pure happiness and that will never be taken away, even if his heart was taken away from me, the one thing I was scared of when I said yes to being his girlfriend.

    I never wanted you to fight for me, but you made me think you always would.

    Love always,

    The one you let go of

    PK teachers

    by  • May 28, 2015 • 0 Comments

    ???PK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    ???PK!
    Poke?????la!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    If you had not been spying and reading my private notes, read my privates posts on Instagram and Tumblr, many people would not have had to face embarrassment and stress!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    All along I have been dealing with my own emotions and issues, and what YOU have been doing just added to my burden and created unnecessary troubles for some people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!And when some people get hurt, you people put the blame on me because you read my private notes!!!!!!!!!!!! Chi Sin ga?!
    PK! You did not only read them, but you also spread them. That‘s an offence!!!!!!
    Did you see how stressed LS was?
    I did not intend to make her so but YOU filthy immoral scoundrels!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I never spoke a word to her about that issue. I never wanted to make her feel bad. YOU PK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    PK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I know you know that I know what‘s been going on. What do you want? Say it to my face!!!!!!!!!!!
    Stop such filthy act!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I have my rights to write anything, and I posted them private if they involed people. But YOU applied unrighteous means to read them and spread them. That‘s an offence!!!!!!!
    STOP IT! PK!

    You are fading away…

    by  • May 28, 2015 • 0 Comments

    …but I will never forget you.

    Dearest Lisa, girl of my dreams,
    Queen of my heart.

    You are a proud woman,
    and so you should be,
    you have the body of a goddess,
    a sweet warm spirit,
    and a smile that made me melt.

    I miss you terribly,
    and I yearn for our reconciliation.

    I meant it when I said I love you,
    and I always will. You are my fire.

    I fear pride has destroyed us,
    my own pride and yours,
    but a chance for pure love is not lost,
    from the ashes we could rise,
    as one pheonix,
    King and Queen combined.

    As I journey onward,
    I still keep a home in my heart,
    and the key that unlocks the door,
    to that home, belongs to you.

    I hope you are doing well,
    I pray for God’s blessing on you,
    and that one day we will meet again.

    With all of my love,
    Darren

    20 Years In The Making

    by  • May 28, 2015 • 0 Comments

    Dear Rapist,

    It’s been 20 years since the “event”. I was 5, you were 16.

    I don’t remember my childhood very well. I remember the neighborhood, and the places I played in, my friends, but not many events. I remember the big events, the ones that shaped me.

    Unfortunately, you’re a part of one of those events.

    I remember the way you tugged my hand to the storage closet in my apartment building, I remember you breathing, I remember you placing your coat on my face, I remember what you did.

    I remember feeling disgusting afterwards, but I didn’t know why. I remember being scared to tell my mom. I remember getting questioned by the police, but I didn’t understand. I remember seeing you again, on the street, years later. I don’t know if you remembered me.

    It took me a long time to stop blaming myself, to not think of myself as victim.

    I’m graduating college in just a few days, I have a lot of amazing friends, and a wonderful partner. I’m doing better than okay.

    But still sometimes I still remember.

    When you violated me, you did more than rape my body, you planted yourself into my mind. 20 years later I still can’t forget, I still can’t move on. Sometimes I still feel weak, and stupid, and I blame myself despite knowing better.

    You didn’t ruin my life. My life is so much better than you will ever be. I am so much better than you will ever be. But you did ruin a part of me. The smallest part.

    I was 5. There is no excuse. No victim blaming.

    I know some people go on to forgive their rapists but I can’t. 25 year old me is doing well, they’re fine. 5 year old me is still scared. I can’t forgive you. I won’t.

    This is a giant ramble of an unplanned LINS but with the recent media claiming a 15 year old molesting a bunch of girls is a “mistake”, and you were 16 when you raped me it’s sort of brought all this up.

    I have nothing else to say to a child rapist.