Please be back, I miss you I am sorry for coming too close even when you were so afraid of that. I know even you need someone, you are needy, you said it on your own. You’re fucking lonely. I know that. Maybe if not today but some other day we both can be together and forget and forgive the time. The time, today it’s merely our enemy not a healer. You try your best to hide it. You try your best to hurt me but I won’t stop loving you. The way you hold me like always you know how deep it was meant. Like every finger that curled my back you know how it feels to be close when there is no one you can trust or allow to break your walls. You shouldn’t be sorry. Never. You didn’t lead me any wrong. It’s you have made learn how to live and how to die. I love you. I’m trying to move on cuz somewhere I think that I lost you. But that’s not happening. Each day it’s a heavy battle. You just don’t know how hard it is. How hard it is growing on me. You just don’t know how it feels. You’re an idiot but still no doubt that how much I love you. I don’t want your body. I just need you to smile. Come out of your state that you’re in and help me too cuz you know how it feels. You really do know. Every kiss of yours it was so deep. You may deny that you didn’t love me but I know it wasn’t mere liking or affection it was really love. It was real love. I know it happened so soon and we couldn’t manage the pace I’m sorry. But maybe it was meant this way only. I miss you. I wish if I could see you the last time before you leave to Paris. May you have happy life over there. Love you and may you find your peace if not with me then with someone else or with yourself.
When I smiled or half smiled as you called it here is what was going through my mind.
Me: Wow! Look at those broad shoulders and how tall he is. Wait he is coming towards me. What do I say? I should say something. But I don’t want to appear to be too eager. I don’t want him to know how he makes my heart pump faster and my breath disappear. I’ll just give a quiet smile and wave and say hi. I’ll be brave. Okay. Here he comes. Hi! okay I smiled a little. Maybe that wasn’t enough. Oh he smiled at my mom. That’s nice. What do I do know? Wait he is walking away. I need to say something else, but what.
So I glanced back and you were watching your dog. I was hoping you would look back at me but you didn’t. I was disappointed. Then I posted the same day about it. Then after all this time you suddenly mention it? I must be in a dream. I’m here still and even though I gave my heart away. I took it back. I’m not going down that road again to somebody else. I’m deciding tonight that I’ll wait for you. The promise ring is on my finger tonight and until you show.
Now I want to talk with you, but we haven’t met again since then. I even went back several times there to see if you’d be there. I was bitterly disappointed. I’m going to the camp where I hung out with drew. I don’t know if you know of that place. I just wish you would surprise me and show up.
I want to talk to you. I want to move fast. I don’t want to move slow. Too much time lost between us already. Maybe I confused you more. Please don’t take too long. I’m not going anywhere. Just in case you are worried about that.
Somehow I always come back to you. I think it’s divine intervention.
Even though you’re long gone, I still include you in my prayers.
Was that you that left that smiley air freshener on the floor near my vehicle?
It might just have been sheer coincidence and assumption on my part but it wasn’t there before and then was there after.
I proper looked round for you, but couldn’t see you. Maybe you put it down and left, who knows.
Just wanted you to know, if it was left, that I did see it and it reminded me of you. 😉
You are the strongest magnet there ever was.
Whenever I walk past you I literally nearly always fall into you. You’ve probably noticed. Gosh how embarrassing. :’)
I honestly think if you hugged me I would struggle to let go.
You have so much power. I don’t think you realise. I would do anything to go back to those moments when we were in the same space.
You feel like a part of me
I haven’t heard from you in so so long now. If I realised that every time we met could be the last, maybe I would buck my ideas up a bit.
I miss you so so much & am so desperate to see you. I’m kind of assuming you’re on holiday/away at the moment because I haven’t seen you for some time.
I think the last time we saw each other was like March!! Crazy right.
Whenever I do see you I’m so desperate to speak to you but at the same time I get so anxious because I do care what you think of me.
I don’t want you to think badly of me.
I know though that that isn’t something I can control. Just wish I knew.
I miss how you make me feel. No one else can/has ever made me feel how you do. Yet I still wish we could be on the same page.
You might be thinking now maybe it’s time I give up on her. But please please don’t.
I really don’t mean to push you away, I’m just scared of rejection. There’s not really any need for me to feel that because that moments passed, but it’s still kind of there for me.
I miss your face so much. When can I see you again? <3