• Dear Kevin

    by  • August 22, 2016 • 0 Comments

    Dear Kevin,

    It’s been a long time since I have written you a letter or even a message more then a few sentences. I remember the last message I sent you was a few years ago. In the letter I mentioned I would was done waiting for you. At that time I thought I was done waiting because I was pretty sure you had no feelings for me. I thought you just liked flirting with me and keeping me as a back up. To this day I am still not sure if I was wrong. Sadly deep down I never stopped waiting for you. In some way I think I always will be waiting for you. I have now liked you for 14 years. I may never feel this way for anyone else. I dream about you all the time. I wake up feeling so happy and loved then I realize it was a dream and slowly that feeling goes away. Whenever I know there will be a chance to see you I try to take it. I know you are with someone else and I can not have you but I still like to hear your voice or see your smile. It keeps me going until next I am with you. I pick up my phone all time and almost dial your phone. I try to think of some excuse just to call or text you. Everytime I think of the day I will see that you are engaged to someone else it breaks my heart. I don’t know what I will do when that day comes.

    There are so many thing I would have done different before, while and after we dated. I know I made mistakes the whole time. There are so many things I would change if I could. I would do anything to rewrite our history.

    I wonder if things would have been different if we would still be together or if things would have still turned out this way. I guess we will never know.

    I should have told you how I felt after Abdiels wedding. I will never forget how we looked at together during that toast. I felt lost in your eyes and like I belonged with you. I could see you in that room. I never wanted that moment to end. I don’t know why i did not tell you how I felt. Ever since I wrote that letter to you years ago telling you I was done waiting I thought if it’s meant to be you would tell me and you would find a grand way to show me.

    Here we are years later and that never happened. You are with her and you seem happy. I wish I would’ve taken the chance when I could have. I hope she makes you happy and brigs out the best in you. She is one lucky lady to be with you.

    To the girl I thought was going to be my bestfriend forever

    by  • August 22, 2016 • 0 Comments

    Looking back on the old us I never would have thought that we would end up this way. You were like another big sister to me, another mother figure and of coarse my very best friend. When I think back to my childhood not one memory I can think of doesn’t include you there by my side.

    I thank my mom everyday for giving me the chance to have met you at such a young age, I couldn’t have asked for a better person/ friend to have grown up with. You taught me how to care for someone and showed me the true value of friendship.

    I regret wanting to grow up so fast. I regret wishing away my childhood years because I wanted to be older. I regret all this because I never knew that when I grew up our friendship was going to grow apart. If I knew this I would have slowed down time and appreciated everyday I had with you, every road trip to cheer competitions, and every sleepover.

    I guess in life these things happen to friends, as they grow they have different interests and just loose the special bestfriend bond, it’s a part of life.. But I guess I just never thought that would ever be you. You were more to me than just a friend, your were my sister.

    I’m forever grateful that you were such a big part of my life for as long as you were, and grateful for all the time I spent with you. Your mom will always be my other mom because she did raise me too, and my mom will always love you.

    All though you have chosen to no longer be in my life anymore I just want to let you know that I will always keep the pictures, the huge Bristol board birthday cards you made me and of coarse the memories of our friendship with me through my journey in life, The fact that you are no longer with me on that journey really hurts me. We promised eachother that we’d be in each others weddings and would always be there for one another, but I guess you didn’t mean it.

    I never wanted to imagine my life without you, but maybe that was just because I didn’t know a life without you, every birthday, every first day of school, every event possible in my life you were there with me..and now I have to do it without you.

    You helped me grow into the person I am today, you helped me overcome every obstacle life through at me and through the toughest times, you were my shoulder to cry on.

    Thank you for just being my bestfriend.

    I’m writing this letter not even expecting you to read this or find this, but just for me to have closure. I never wanted or ever thought I would write this letter but here I am. I just wanted to say that I am ready to take on this world without you as my bestfriend, and I’m ready to just move forward like you have.

    I want you to know that I will always care about you, I will be quietly cheering you on as you continue on your path through life. I’m always going to wish you the best.

    We helped eachother grow and I’m beyond grateful to have had you for as long as I did.

    I will always love you

    I guess bestfriends forever isn’t true..

    Love, your ex bestfriend

    In case you think I am…

    by  • August 22, 2016 • 0 Comments

    In case you think I am.
    I’m not & don’t judge you at all. You obviously do what you do for your own reasons that have nothing to do with me. Well. Maybe they do, but they don’t have to if you don’t want to.
    I will try my best to not make you feel awkward/uncomfortable so long as you don’t try and do the same to me. Although, if you do you do just saying that I’ll try my best not to.
    I will always think a lot of you & positively of you, despite sometimes feeling hurt & slightly resentful. I know & try to understand that everyone has their own reasons for how they are. It was quite a big realisation to take in.

    I don’t feel that you did want to hurt me, didn’t want to hurt you either. Pretty sure I must have caused some damage tho. I really am sorry.

    Just know and don’t see that there isn’t anything I can do. But also understand why I was confused and felt unerved in the first place for my first (perhaps not carefully thought out reaction) to that I don’t regret as you acted like you didn’t want to know yet your actions stated otherwise. But, I can’t judge as you cannot judge what you don’t understand. Because, just because I don’t understand it doesn’t make it wrong/invalid, etc.

    Wish you would speak to me.

    Will this just continue to be a left unsaid situation forever? If it is, then it is but, think it would be a shame. I think you know that. 😉

    I am & will continue trying my best to be open to you.
    If something happens then it does. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. Just know that I don’t despise you & will react in the best way I can if you approach me. Xx