• These emotions, they are not mine

    by  • March 29, 2017 • 5 Comments

    I am nearly certain of it. They come from nowhere. Paralyzing shocks out of thin air. Sometimes so strong they knock me down and leave me struggling to breath. Sometimes it takes days to recover. They sap me of my own energy.

    That’s how I figured it out, you know. There has only ever been one common thread.


    Nothing was ever strong enough to bring me to my knees before you. My golden birthday girl. Who knew you were capable of feeling so deep, so strong, so sad – for so long? Enough to turn your emotions into blasts of electricity that can travel any distance.

    My problem is, I have now become accustomed to the pain of your jolts. I often even kind of find a familiar comfort in the pain when it happens. Instead of trying to block it, I absorb it all and then wallow in the aftermath. After it happens, I think I can logically sort it out if I think long and hard enough about it. That I can figure a way to explain it, or atleast figure a way to prevent it from ever happening again. But there is never any answer. Never any direct evidence. There is no logic to it. I mean Tesla had some interesting theories on the subject and all, but are they proven? He also spoke of insanity, which obviously this post proves I am familiar with.

    Sometimes I think it is so selfish of
    for you to continue to do. You have to know by now how it effects me. To know that when you send out your invisible electric butterflies they only have 1 place to go. I am your grounding rod. I absorb all of your negative energy. For you. For me, your happiness is more important than my own.

    Then I think, maybe it works both ways. If that is the case, I guess we can call it even????

    My current may not be as powerful as yours, but I know it is a much more consistent frequency. A constant pulse. My heart beats for you. It always has. I can only imagine how uncomfortable that has been for you, down here in this crazy place.

    Is it sometimes too much to take? Is that why you send me your jolts? To try to shock my heart into beating for someone else? I really hope you don’t want it to stop beating all together? Not going to happen. I am stronger than that. I will learn my lessons here. For you. For the next time. Please do the same.

    Perhaps we can make a deal?

    Maybe we can both try to keep it more positive? Maybe dial down the voltage a notch or two on your end? If you do that for me, I’ll do my best to give you more breaks from my constant current. I can’t always control it, but I do know how.

    Relationships are all about compromises right? Even if they are only invisible energetic (emotional) ones.

    Our journeys are separate, yet they are the same. Deep down, I know you understand this. Take peace.

    Allow me to unpack your question.

    by  • March 29, 2017 • 0 Comments

    There are a few ideas colliding in ambiguity there. The prevailing concern when studying the long-term effects of radiation fallout is resolution of questioning. In the event of catastrophic nuclear fallout populations are relocated but usually to somewhere close enough to be dosed with higher-than-background levels since they are still within a short radius of the source. This presents a methodological problem in radiation epidemiology, which is not my chosen field, even if I am adjacent enough to understand their language a bit.

    There is somatic injury and genetic injury. Biomes within some radius of the source are dosed. These effects are acute, manifesting as immediate radiation poisoning, which can be fatal, and a long-term prevalence of certain cancers in survivors. These are somatic injuries. Populations in Belarus show an increased incidence of thyroid cancer. This effect arises from long-term dosing close to the source. Genetic injury, which is the component implied in the “human evolution” part, is harder to trace, since it is a question of replicating DNA that has suffered damage at a cellular level, and in the case of the mid-1980s Eastern Europe, was not investigated well initially due to the same thing that ultimately caused the disaster–a lack of government funding.

    There is some evidence for increased genetic mutations in the generation following the parents’ survival near Chernobyl. There is a lot of speculation over whether this is a bad thing, though, since genetic mutations are the source of genetic diversity, which is correlated with robust populations. The culprit for this problem is Cesium-137, which spreads through the body like potassium, giving survivors full-body doses of radiation that can damage DNA when they have ingested agricultural products from high-radiation zones. However, until the long-term effects of Fukushima can be properly traced, this consequence can only be studied in that specific set of nuclear disaster survivors, as the isotopes from Hiroshima and Nagasaki were not radiocesium, and to date the posterity of survivors show no evidence of genetic injury.

    The “habits and thought” part of your question is even more difficult to determine since socioeconomic factors are the most predominant problem in high-anxiety areas, which includes a lot of Eastern Europe. Really, there is no answer because this question is too esoteric within the financial constraints of the post-USSR economies.

    A skeptical biological epidemiologist might say that there are long-term effects in these areas, with some wildlife showing more resilience than others, but this is a question of what environmental factors allow species like wild boar to thrive. They are less likely to be afraid of humans in evacuated ghost towns near Fukushima because they have come into a new food source from what was left behind as survivors escaped the most intense zones of fallout. Some populations near the Chernobyl sarcophagus are thriving because human activity in these areas has ceased. However, less-resilient species have decreased in population and that adds another complication to the methodology that demands study of shifting dynamics in predator-prey relationships.

    These questions are on-going and the answers will become more precise with time. Since I am not a radiation epidemiologist, I had to look these things up. What intrigues me the most is the traceable effect of Cesium-137, which binds so readily to biological soft tissue even though it is now entirely anthropogenic with its last natural occurrence on Earth dating back 1.7 billion years. I am not sure if radcon has a method for capturing it at nuclear reactors yet. If so they are not full proof to date, given the abnormally large amount of it found near Fukushima.

    These are not really my “thoughts” so much as an extremely crude review of the literature I found. I suppose I have shaped them somewhat. I would also wager that this summary contains inaccuracies since I have not studied things like this extensively. It’s probably a better answer than the one I offered at two in the morning.

    Rebel Rebel

    by  • March 29, 2017 • 1 Comment

    How can it be… the reef is dead. Oh no it isn’t — yes it is. No. There’s still time.

    ~S~ I thought at least a friendship would last forever. Or at least twenty-five million years. Time enough to build the Death Star… oh, wait, that’s what we are. What if I go back in time and get the plans. Your Rebel storming the beach.

    So… why am I still haunted. You are gone. Moved on, or at least I hope you live and breathe; so what if it’s Imperialistic pantomime. But that love,must stay dead. Like the reef.

    But not. If we had twenty-five million years to save it… us.

    Would you? If I build it… would you come and fire it? Just to have me knock it down? Just to send you a signal that I’m still here. On the shore. And sunset coming fast.

    But you know me.
    Knew me.


    One Kiss

    by  • March 29, 2017 • 1 Comment

    Two years later ~D…I think of what you missed. Of things not said and done. Of good things… me and you, and Tilden Park’s wild plums, the glorious taste shared with you, sampled from my tongue. A slip, of your lips onto mine only once. But more, park and plums just my fantasy, another sweet sip… never done. ~K