Sometimes you just know when someone is playing,
You feel the bad vibe that they trying their best…..
But then you just let it be, smile & be patient.
Please don’t fade away…
You are my Goddess,
the only girl I have ever loved.
After all this time,
I still miss you…
This one life we have,
let’s make it something beautiful.
Let’s show the world that love is real.
I’m no good at playing games,
I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.
Please reach out,
I never want to be an annoyance,
I really need this from you,
to know from you,
that I am loved.
If you love me, please show it,
I am in a dark place.
You know me,
more than any girl.
I am bleeding and bottling it all up.
I saw the title of that book once. I laughed to myself and thought of you. I didn’t need to read the book because I lived it.
Sometimes the simplest explanation is THE explanation.
I’m sitting here at work on my meal break, looking out of the window and thinking of you. I seem to spend most of my time these days thinking about you, I wonder if you think of me as much? I go through phases of being secure in how you feel about me, well as secure as anybody could be in our situation. Right now I’m not in the slightest bit secure … and I’m trying desperately to leave it, not to fish for the comments/compliments/reassurances which I need and which generally you don’t give. Maybe that’s because you think you don’t need to, you think I know how you feel … or maybe it’s because you don’t actually care as much as I think you do/hope you do/desperately wish you did. You rarely ever message me unless I contact you first, which I usually do eventually though wonder how long it would be before you contacted me if I left it. If I do message you I usually just get an emoji of varying sorts in reply, I guess that should be enough but it’s not. Maybe it’s the female/male divide but I can’t help feeling that you’ve changed again recently. I wish I could talk to you about it all but there never seems to be a good time. I try not to react when I feel you’re brushing me off, but I can’t help it and then you get cross with me (like you probably are now). I then spend ages beating myself up mentally afterwards that I came across too needy, too paranoid or too intense. Christ it’s been 4 years, I should be sure of how you feel about me! Why aren’t I? Mainly because you’ve never actually told me … you’ve hinted at it, skirted around it … but never actually told me and I’m too scared to ask, maybe in case you won’t tell me or maybe in case you just don’t feel that strongly about me. How could this be something casual and shallow when we’ve been through so much? I want to just ask you “please just tell me if you love me”? Why don’t you ever think to send me silly little messages telling me you’re thinking of me, you’ve said in the past that you think of me all the time but it doesn’t seem that way any more. I just need to hear it sometimes, I need you and I wish you understood how important it is to me to know you need me too, that you miss me and that you love me (if you do?) Why can’t you do those things just because you know it makes me feel better? I don’t think it’s much to ask, but then again I don’t want to ask as I don’t want you to force it. I’m worried if I try to discuss all of this with you that you will get cross and shut off, but I’m starting to wonder if I should let go? If you knew how it was making me feel and how much I love you, would it change things? I’m wondering if that’s what you want deep down, for me to let go and that would be an easy way out for you? You’ve never made any excuses not to see me before. I feel like crying, I miss you and I love you and I feel really lonely when you seem so distant. I don’t know what to say … except please let me know that you do care, is this/us worth anything to you? You showed me this site, I wish you were here now, even though I’m not brave enough to tell you all of this. Txxx
You know, just because you have the time and privilege of getting to travel doesn’t make you a bit better than those of us who surf the net. I’ve seen you. You go get on the plane. You sit. You turn your nose up at those around you. You get off the plane. You grab a cab. You condescend to the cab driver. You go sit in a restaurant. You turn your nose up at those in the restaurant. You go to your hotel. You go sit in that room and then get online and tell everyone “wish you were here, I’m having such a great time”. Glad I’m “not there”. You’re no better than anyone else. You’re just another fuckin’ observer of life, not a participant, so get that nose out of the air, you’re drawing flies.