What I am and where I’m from
It’s all in the lyrics to the song.
So here’s what’s going on in my world:
I’m preparing to go back to grad school in the fall. I’ll be majoring in Marriage Counseling. As opposed to Sensation and Perception (specifically multimodal interaction). The subject matter was fascinating (I’ll give you a lecture sometime), but it did nothing in the way of helping people. Plus there was no opportunity to work for myself in that field. Plus as a marriage counselor I could publish novels that include case studies.
Speaking of writing… I’m preparing to submit my fourth entry for publication. It’s a children’s book. I finally found an artist who will work on it with me. I have to rework the ending I think, but other than that it’s solid.
I just moved into a new apartment. It’s small, but it’s bigger than the space I was sharing with Gary in Marquette. I’m enjoying the privacy immensely.
I’ve been getting back into doing tarot card readings lately. I know you think they are bunk, but they are a very useful tool for introspection.
I’m having a huge fight with my dad and he’s too stupid to realize it.
Get me drunk and hold me and I’ll tell you about the whole thing.
I’m still trying to choose a school to attend this fall. omg what am I talking about… I know where I want to go! Fuck marriage counseling. Fuck helping people. I’m going into ethnomusicology. Oh it’s perfect. The program I want is only offered at one school in the whole world and it starts in October. I’m doing it. Watch me go.
And that is how I make important life decisions.
I’ve rambled enough for one day, that’s for sure.
omg I just chose my dissertation topic. This is perfect.
Anyway. Enough about me. What’s going on with you? 🙂
Brie (like it could have been anyone else)
It’s been years. I wonder if you even remember… I wonder if you ever think about it. I wonder if you think about it as often as I do.
Do you feel guilty? Do you write it off as “experimenting” or as “kids being kids”, just like our family did? Did you even get in trouble? Did your parents even talk to you about it? It seemed/seems like the only adult who was concerned about it was my mother, and I can’t bring talk to her about it. I wish she was alive.
When you see me, do you think about it? Would you ever bring it up to me? How would you react if I brought it up?
Why the hell did you do all that?
What am I forgetting? Do you remember parts that I don’t? Did you repress all these memories like I did?
Do you care about me? Do you love me? Do you hate me? Have you always fucking hated me?
Do you even realize how badly this affected me? Do you realize that it’s hard to face you? That it’s hard to talk about you?
Hell, it’s hard to AVOID talking about you and admiring you and looking up to you and LOVING you when our entire family puts you on a fucking pedestal.
Would I ever be able to talk to anyone in our family about this? Will anyone listen? Will anyone care?
Would you listen?
I’m so fucking sick of all of this. I’m tired.