• Nate,

    by  • September 3, 2015 • 0 Comments

    Hi there, I hope all is well. This will be my last letter and I’m ok if you never see it because I’m finally ok to say goodbye and move on in my heart as I should have over 10 years ago. I don’t actually think you’ve read any of my letters but I’d hoped you had in my previous ones, not this time it doesn’t really matter it’s mostly just for my own sense of closure. I finally understand why I was not a good match for you And yes my heart broke but it was that catalyst that made me strong then weak and stronger still. I would not be where I am at all if I did not learn from my loss and miss you I do still but my life is better for it because without that event I would not be where I am today. With the love of my life, my daughter, my intellect, my career, then my freedom. For that I thank you but it did take a long time to get here and I’m not certain I would have otherwise. I do think fate had other plans for you but I also think you lost a very precious person who loved you but could maybe not offer you what others could. All I could give you was my heart and that simply was not enough. We all make mistakes, for that I’m sorry very much but it was not purposeful to hurt you but on the contrary. To protect you. I’m sorry if it worked out the wrong way I so wish I could have mended that indiscretion and had a 2nd chance. For that I’m sorry. I will never seek you anymore and hope you the best. If we should ever run into each other do not be afraid to say hello as I only have warm regards for you. Much love, Happiness, and Health I wish for you and yours!
    Take care,

    Needed some comfort

    by  • September 3, 2015 • 0 Comments

    My emotions have been everywhere today. Either too high or too low. To get some comfort around here is nearly to impossible. Talking doesn’t help and an shower to ease me doesn’t help, nothing seems to help. I feel like I’m losing my mind. To think I would be comforted in your arms after crying in the bathroom. No, you’re on your own. You get to be all up in your own feelings by yourself. I’m so sick of crying and not having someone tell me it’s gonna be okay, like being this way will go away and I’ll get to be normal. Sometimes it’s all too much to handle. It’s too much.

    Time to be Selfish

    by  • September 3, 2015 • 0 Comments

    Remember when you were young and watched Disney movies? It made it seem like no matter what happened in life, finding love was the most important thing. Or what about those hopeless romantic rom coms about no matter how hard life got, or how douchey a guy is to begin with, he will fight for you and it’ll be a happily ever after?

    Clinging on to those ideals had gotten me through life but has kept my standards so high that not even Prince Charming himself would be able to attain me. It all began with my distorted view of reality, in which my standards have been altered to be completely impossible and therefore, my fear of rejection has created a person who has a chronic fear of caring. Caring about something (or a person) results in either praise and higher expectations or failure. This has been my biggest disability in life.

    I distinctly remember in first grade, we were all asked to put up a number on the calendar in front of the entire class and say our names. As the days went by, I became more and more nervous and crouched lower and lower until I was completely hidden by the tallest girl in class. Slowly but surely, I began to gain confidence throughout the years, but never let go of my insecurities. Outwardly I would be confident, but inwardly, I thought mercilessly about each action that has affected my interactions with people. Finally in high school, I began to gain the attention of boys. They became my entire world and the glue to most of my friendships. It led me to making a lot of mistakes that I do not regret, but I cannot be proud of. It gave me confidence but also tore down my self-esteem. It was an addictive pain that made me think I had control over a situation that was being completely manipulated. This was where I diagnosed myself with trust issues.

    Now, you may be thinking, what the fuck is wrong with this girl? It took me 20 years to say, FUCK BOYS. FUCK SOCIETY. FUCK WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK.

    At twenty years old, I’m at a critical milestone that I call, my quarter-life crisis. Approaching my junior year of college has put me in a crossroads between what I am and what I want to be. This is the time where I deviate from my fellow peers aspiring for their own career paths, from my parent’s expectations, and from my own inhibitions. It’s a time where I truly take advantage of my independence to focus on myself. This summer I gained a completely different outlook in life where I gave people a chance without any judgment and enjoyed just doing random things. I dabbled in things that interested me, and figured out what I wanted to do without feeling the pressures of needing to be successful. Life is all trial and error, so might as well take advantage of that. I feel so confident now and I am fighting to become my own prince charming. I’ve, unfortunately, closed my heart to the potential suitors, but opened up to myself to become who I want to be. After all, how am I supposed to expect a person to be perfect for me, when I don’t even know what that entails? I’m just taking the time to be me. I need this time to distinguish between what I want and what I need. Then slowly but surely, find out who I am, and who I want to be. Finally, then, I can truly have everything fall into place.

    Where is the help I was looking for?

    by  • September 3, 2015 • 1 Comment

    I’m sending this to the people that post the letters to this site, to the people that run this site. I posted my letter and was nearly in tears, and now it’s gone. I expected to get some sort of email to confirm it was sent, but received nothing but silence. I just wanted some feedback to be honest. I can’t ever say what I want to to the person I wrote it for, so please at least send me an email, because I’m feeling left in the dark here.