• Im happy for you

    by  • January 15, 2018 • 0 Comments

    Hi sweetheart,

    I am happy for you , watching you getting marry and have you cute baby girl … your husband seems good and kind man better than me . I know i wasn’t good enough for you but i am really happy watching you behind the window raising up … i never been able to tell you i leftband i disappeared before because of partly brain cancer and i finally treated from it it maybe caused me loss of 1 eye vision but i still alive by another eye … and i am fine too i met new love shes cancer same like me and treated already she was the only smile during my sad days in my treatment and i back to life because of her too … she’s lonely same as me and im happy today you’re fine and after 1 year i can tell i am fine too i disappeared from you and my family thought i will die alone but seems god still want me to live
    Again …. i love you forever and i love you baby sweet girl and your good husband…. god bless you all truly from my heart …. love from the man of one eye ???? and i am sorry for my disappearance but i had my hard reason to do .
    Stay safe and take care of your new family
    You’re always pretty and beautiful
    But you will never hear from me again
    Time for me to build new life with my
    Kind and beautiful new love i hope we
    Always keep good memories for each other
    Full of respect and kindness my ….
    ????

    Goodbye

    You love me.

    by  • January 15, 2018 • 0 Comments

    I just want you to know…

    When I am lying awake throughout the morning, I am wishing for the warmth of your embrace. I am longing fir the shock that only your touch can provide. I am so appalled that I let myself get so lost in your presence that I can no longer see the truth.

    I am in love with you, beautiful contradiction as you are: fire and water…creating steam. Passion. Pentacles and air creating fun and flirtation. OMG! What we could be! We were made for each other. And we met at just the right time…even if you refuse to mention it to me. I know you love me. That is what my instincts, my woman’s intuituition tells me. I care not for my fears, anymore. I know, deep down, no matter how you try to hide it and no matter how you ignore your feelings for me… you love me.

    So stop. Stop trying to hide it. Please.

    You love me.

    And I love you.

    No matter how forbidden this love is.

    We can’t help it. All we can help is how many touches we steal, but dreams, my Dear, dreams are not governed by the political world…

    We are free in our dreams.

    So will I see you later?

    In my dreams? As I often do, as of late?

    In my dreams i am free to love you.

    I’m not over you

    by  • January 15, 2018 • 0 Comments

    I had a dream about you last night… You were sitting on a bench waiting for me. When you saw me you smiled and my heart skipped a beat. You broke up with your current girlfriend because you knew there would never be a love like ours. When I saw you I felt at home, like it had been too long since the last time(it has been too long since the last time). You told me you missed me and asked about what was going on in my life and as much as I wanted to update you whenever I opened my mouth to speak nothing came out. I woke up missing you. Wanting to write you and tell you about this dream. Wanting to write you and tell you everything that has been going on in my life. When I woke up I wanted to look up flights. I wanted to buy the first ticket headed your way and call you when I got there. Surprise!

    … I often imagine what meeting up with you after all these years would look like. We might meet somewhere for breakfast. We’d start off with the basics… What’s new? How have you been? To find out if things really have change much since the last time we saw each other. After that we might go see a movie that neither of us really cares about so I can ‘accidentally’ brush my hand against yours and see if there is still something between us even though we both already know the answer. There will always be something there. When the movie is finished I’d take you out for a drink at a not so busy bar where I get you really drunk….I’ve always wondered what being drunk with you would be like. I imagine we’d talk about things much greater than the two of us. You are one of the only people to this day that I could actually talk to. Do you remember our first phone conversation? 9 hours of getting to know each other and I still wasn’t ready for the conversation to end. After a few drinks I’d probably kiss you because I don’t remember what it feels like to have your lips against mine. I do remember my way home after our first kiss with butterflies in my stomach and my cheeks aching from smiling so much. I remember the first time you slipped your tongue in my mouth on the floor of your mom’s dining room after making cookies. I miss you….

    When I woke up I remembered you’re hers now.. I want you to be happy, I want things to work out between you two(not really but if you’re happy then yeah…). When I woke up I realized that I was never enough for you and my heart broke again.

    It’s been 4 years
    I’ve tried to smoke everything away
    My worries fears regrets
    I dove headfirst into a new relationship to forget you

    You never asked me to stay, you never saw me in your future
    The day after we broke up you went to the beach.. All four years that we dated all I wanted was for you to take me to the beach.
    I let you go knowing that if things were meant to be they would

    I then proceeded to dive into the first arms who would take me and do the things that I always asked for… even if the stories didn’t always line up, even if it hurt, even if I knew it wasn’t the person I was gonna marry(I always thought I was going to marry you).

    Make it work. Figure it out. Maybe I am the problem.

    I think about you when I cook eggs.
    I cry and want to tell you.

    Its been so long since we’ve seen each other I’m not sure how I’d even act

    honestly

    I believed you’d wait for me

    but you’re in a new relationship.
    She’s beautiful
    She seems kind, smart, adventurous..
    Probably (definitley) not as crazy and needy as me

    You decorate your apartment for Christmas with her and I wonder why you never wanted to decorate with me…

    I wonder if you love her?
    And if you do love her I wonder if you love her like you loved me…

    I want you to make a playlist for me
    I refresh 8tracks daily waiting
    I’ll know then

    But what will I know?

    I know…

    I want to be friends

    But above all for you to be happy..
    So
    Instead I’ll write letters that I’ll never send about heartbreak and regret.
    Instead I will learn to cook amazing eggs.
    Instead I will wait.

    And believe

    That serendipity and a Sunday morning will bring me back to you.

    okay. no BS

    by  • January 15, 2018 • 0 Comments

    This is stupid.

    I know what I feel. You know what I feel. But what do you feel? I hear “mumblings”, but that isn’t enough. I need confirmation. I need to hear it from you. For some reason, communications between us is always muffled or stalled, and that always seems to end badly. Only to later find out, that it didn’t have to. Yep, friends is better. But that isn’t what I WANT. What about you? What is it that YOU want? Let me know. I’ll be waiting. Like always. Forever.

    Because whether I like it or not, we are attached in ways that I cannot explain or conprehend.

    All the things you’re not

    by  • January 15, 2018 • 0 Comments

    You’re not “spiritual”. How could you be? You spend your life pissed-
    You’re not empathetic. How could you be? You spend your life thinking about yourself. 1st, 2nd and 3rd (plus you expect everyone else to)
    You’re not kind. How could you be? You’re pathologically jealous and worried that someone is getting more than you.
    You’re not calm. How could you be? Every day brings your little girl tantrums to the fore. (Over nothing: besides which you’re a man, although I use that term loosely)
    You’re not loving. How could you be? You don’t have a heart for anyone, underneath your pretend ‘love for mankind’
    You’re not happy. How could you be, given the above?
    I’m so glad you aren’t happy, it pleases me to think of the extremes you go to, to convince yourself and others that you are.
    You’re not worth the space your feet take up on this earth.
    In short, you really are a big, fat, useless waste of air, and I sincerely hope you’ll stop breathing it soon.
    In anticipation of that day,
    Your greatest fan.