You might not need me but I need you
Rantings of a woman in love
You might not need me but I need you
Rantings of a woman in love
So I’m in an Uber & the driver said I took some horse trainers somewhere & they said I need to go feed my pony and asked him to go and see them and they said the pony is 18 years old and I said uh I don’t think that’s a pony anymore and I started laughing to myself and remembered that pony’s are not baby horses!
Thank you for teaching me that haha
I have never had such a strong negetive feeling towards someone in the workplace in my life, and I’ve worked with some annoying and oh so lazy people. As a woman, I don’t mind joking about women, because I’m making fun of myself. I know I can talk people’s ears off, I have amazing blonde jokes because I am one and happen to speak from experience, the women in my family are nuts, I’m so fair skinned that I literally need to apply sunscreen ever fifteen minutes, we are southern women with more than a dash of hillbilly… That stuff is not what I have a problem with, and I encourage as a form of humility, but when you turn me and my ‘sisters’ into the male stereotype of how pathetic women are, that’s where I draw the line.
I have worked too damn hard since I was small to prove to men like you that I am worth my weight in gold. I run circles around people’s expectations. I have been fighting to be part of the “Men’s Crowd” and have to work three times harder to even get a drop of recognition or respect. I have fought hard to overcome the obstacles men have put in my path, be them physical, psychological, or emotional. I am not the feeble woman you think is just going to let you walk all over them, and I am prepared for a fight.
I don’t even understand why you and I have to clash, we are both new to the workplace. You and I started several days apart, maybe it’s because you started a few days earlier than me, but that isn’t enough. You can see I pull my own weight and then some, that I’m doing what I can to make sure the job is done and on time with nothing missing or askew. I’m doing my best, and just because you worked in a similar location doesn’t mean that it is the same place and you are not the top dog here. I’m not the top dog here either, I just want to clock-in, do my job, then clock-out and go home.
I can’t handle the know-it-all attitude, talking down to me because I lack the same experience you do, the talk about how some parts of your job are beneath you because a woman traditionally does it, or the way you feel the need to come twenty minutes late to the party thinking that I, or our trainer, have forgotten something and then getting huffy when we have everything handled.
I don’t know if it is insecurities on my part, or on yours, because I’m the only woman in our team, but I’m not going to back down. I’ve stayed quiet for a minute, but now it is getting to be too much, and I’m willing to admit that it is my own fault. Although I don’t know what is going to happen in the coming time, I’m no longer going to standby and allow you to belittle my existence because I’m not a man. I am a strong, independent woman, and it’s about time I show this establishment what a woman can do with a tiny sliver of confidence.
P.S. You want to know the best part, Z? Is that even our trainer came up to me and said that he was uncomfortable with how you talk to me. Which is amazing, because a small part of me felt that I was just allowing all my ‘femaleness’ get the better of me.
warning i may be realizing that i am overreacting and blaming everyone else for things i should just put my big girl pants on and get done. i just need to vent.
i have come to the realization that having a friend as my supervisor sucks ass.
when he’s not asking if i have “seen his latest tweet” and how “many likes it got” while he still doesn’t follow me back, he talks down to everyone and just seems like a grumpy grouch. he acts like this to me, and to the customers. it seems so unnecessary and it rubs off on me, so then i find myself treating the customers like he does.
tonight i jokingly mentioned, for the umpteenth time, how boring this job is- sorry it’s true. it’s a means to an end, still boring as hell, especially when i have to help people log into their email. super fun. he then gave me this long spiel of “what about that task we talked about the other day?” and i mean, long, with a good helping of “why don’t you know how to do the thing we only mentioned yesterday?”
once he finally shuts up i go and start halfheartedly work on the dumb task, cuz again, it was only mentioned. no one really showed me what they wanted me to do, which is how i learn. talking to me like i am an idiot doesn’t help. and i guess silly me thought i would be special cuz we were friends, but nope talk to me like you talk to patrons, which is like we are idiots. which is so uncalled for.
god help me, i hope the years fly by and before i know it i can have my masters and a few years of experience, so i can get a better job.
hell hopefully before then something will open up allowing me to try a different place. because clearly working with my friend was a mistake.
Makes it harder when things end to be accused of having lied about the things I confused in you.
I confided in you because I trusted you. I told my ex about you because I was falling in love with you.
What a kick in the guts, I just look back on it, what was a kick in the guts. As if it wasn’t enough, I have to move on accepting you’ll never believe me and I don’t know why.
When I first met you, I thought you were just some naive woman. We never had feelings for each other but after those long conversations that would take almost all of our time, I began to notice how beautiful you are. You were different and kind. Stubborn and selfless. A scum like me fell for you. I don’t think you’ve ever known the reason why I fell for you. I fell for you because you have accepted me, the real me. You’ve always tried your best to cheer me up and motivate me. You were the first person who made me feel like I’m a normal human. You made me happy–really happy. When you became mine, I was the luckiest person alive.I’ve loved you with all my heart.
Now, you’re gone.
I miss you every single day. I think about you all the time and everything that i see reminds me of you. I don’t blame you for leaving, i blame myself for being an insensitive scum who cannot help the person he loves when she needs him the most. You know, when you left a part of me wants to chase and beg you to never leave but there is another part of me that feels relieved. That part of me felt relieved because that part of me knows that even a 100 of myself will never deserve you and your beautiful, innocent feelings.
Even though my mind and my heart is in conflict as those two wants different things, it doesn’t change the fact that i sincerely wish for you to be happy. I know you will be fine without me although it wouldn’t be the same for me.
I deserve this..I deserve to be alone but I will forever cherish my memories that I had of you. I will never stop loving you, as you were that love I’ve never expected that would just easily come to me without any sacrifices, and a love that never asked me to change. If theres a fated person for each person in this world, you are my fated person.