by  • May 28, 2015 • 0 Comments

    It fucking hurts.

    It fucking hurts that you think of me as a fall back.

    It fucking hurts that I’m a mess because of that.

    It fucking hurts that you see her but you don’t see me.

    It fucking hurts that she doesn’t even try.

    It fucking hurts that I was always by your side and yet you chose her over me in a heartbeat.

    It fucking hurts that I wait for your good nights before I sleep – and there was a time you told me you loved me along with it. Now you spend the last waking hours of your day watching a movie with her and telling her the sweet words you once told me.

    It fucking hurts that I know everything about you. Every single detail. Yet you fail to see that because of her intoxicating perfume.

    It fucking hurts that you’re blind about how I see you. How I feel about you.

    It FUCKING hurts when I’m around you.

    I can’t do it anymore. I can’t be around you anymore.

    Goodbye. And I wish I didn’t love you.

    Taking back my control

    by  • May 28, 2015 • 0 Comments

    I changed my number today. The author of “The Gift of Fear” advised against such a tactic, but I had to do so for my own sanity. I’ve blocked number after number from you, yet you always find a way to get through. Every time you’re able to reach me I feel like I lose grip of what little control I have. I hate the fact that I can’t stop you from calling. That you can buy cheap throw away phones, pay for new numbers, borrow the phones of friends and I can’t stop you.


    by  • May 28, 2015 • 0 Comments

    I’m not even sure where to begin. I must sound crazy, but sometimes the thoughts just get to jumbled up, they just need to be put into words.
    What do you want? If you tell me what you want, I’ll give it to you. I promise. Yet you trick me with your words and mind games. You make me think things, then rethink them. Your words swirl like a puff of smoke around my mind all day, and all I ask myself every minute is “what should I feel?” I’ve been holding myself back, but truth be told you’re the kind of person I can see myself falling for,
    but I will never ever let myself because I know you will hurt me, and not so sure how much more hurt I can take.

    I just want to be the last thought in your head before you fall asleep.



    by  • May 28, 2015 • 0 Comments

    I’m only still married to you because everyone has instilled shame in me for even thinking of leaving. They know you’re abusive, but they make me feel like less of a person for having made a commitment I don’t want to keep anymore. So I’ll smile, and nod, and tell them our life together is wonderful, while I hide my personal pain. I wish you would stop, I wish you would change, but it doesn’t matter, because you never will. So I’m shamed – either as the abused wife stupid enough to stay with you, or as the quitter, who didn’t work on her marriage enough. It wouldn’t be so bad if the words weren’t actually spoken to me, and if everyone didn’t have some input about our life together. Half think you’re wonderful, half think you’re the devil, and I am in the middle, shamed. I will always be nothing more than shamed, and looked down on my half the people I love. After every incident you apologize, and cry, and say it will never happen again. Why do I want to believe you so badly?

    The “I miss you” game

    by  • May 28, 2015 • 0 Comments

    This feels like a song with no music
    Hoping you’ll never find this
    To MIRH:

    The whole “I miss you” thing
    Was a game I regret I’ve played

    Don’t dare to come close
    I need no more of this prayer
    Empty and dishonest at its best

    I waited for the calm
    I expected a change
    You and I had no thing

    I’m glad it hurts deep
    This pain running through
    From the bottom of my heart
    To the tip of my toes

    I thought I had resolved
    This puzzle in my heart

    I tought maybe we could try
    It may deserve a chance

    Bitter is the truth
    Don’t blame the weakness for flesh
    Don’t blame mixed feelings

    I have to let you go… Again
    Hoping you understand
    I will never take you back.

    From AJGB.

    Baptist’s Fatal Revival

    by  • May 28, 2015 • 0 Comments

    She is a baptist.
    In her religion.
    But also in her lifestyle.
    Her dark, festively fatal lifestyle.
    Some are baptized in a church, by a pastor, as they did in the bible.
    She is a baptist.
    She baptizes not in the name of the father, son, or Holy Spirit.
    But in the name of sin.

    She will plow right into you, speaking love
    But soon the truth is revealed
    And she is still love
    But in a different, fatal way

    She is beautiful.
    She won’t catch your eye in passing,
    She will not be on the cover of magazines.
    But when you are baptized by her,
    She is truly beautiful.

    The youth are vulnerable,
    Fatally vulnerable
    They feel alone,
    And she sees that,
    And her disguise is to “mentor them”
    But her irrestible mannerisms and beauty takes over them.
    Takes over me.

    Her voice runs over you like a cold shower on a hot day
    So cold it hurts
    But at the same time, it feels amazingly exhilarating

    Her hazel eyes seem to look into you in a way no one ever has
    And no one ever will
    She is the protector, savior, soul-stealer life changer of the youth.

    She is suicide.
    She is life.
    But she is death.

    I looked at my life in a complete different way,
    Until that day.
    Until the day I met the one my soul was never supposed to lay eyes on.
    It was magical.
    It was tragic.
    It took two seconds exactly to be baptized.

    I now see my future for what it is

    She has perfected the dark art of seduction,
    And she is a master.
    The one who though she could resist all powers of the world,
    Was baptized

    Do not take this lightly,
    Once she has you,
    She has you.
    She will take you in her hands and roll you around
    Twist everything inside you
    Until everything in you has changed

    She speaks the language of Jesus,
    And practices the practice of Satan.
    And it is quite lovely, honestly.

    Part of me is in love.
    Part of me is in hate.

    Part of me is still sane.
    Part of me has lost my mind,
    Obsessing and loving the baptist.

    This is the Baptist’s Most Fatal Revival,
    Right here.
    I am being revived into something I never wanted to be.
    But it is now all I want to be.
    Save yourselves,
    Run as fast and as far away as you can,
    For the baptist is coming

    And she will revive you