• parents

    by  • February 24, 2010 • 0 Comments

    The way you look at me and say, “your not fat” is almost as fake as you. You tese me then bait me, but i refuse to listen. its not true, you can believe what you want, i dont care.

    I want to be done

    by  • February 24, 2010 • 0 Comments

    My heart is being torn apart. Small little fissures, sealed in hope…until another Wednesday comes and I see your face. And then days go by…and you’re happier without me.

    Why can’t you have the decency to end it? Why must I suffer…still suffering…still hoping and praying that I can still have the life I wanted with you. I wanted that life so bad that I was willing to live it by myself. I was willing to pull the whole load, and pay all the bills, and take care of the house and quiet the children when you had a bad day. I was willing to do all of that…to give myself to you completely…and it still wasn’t enough. You left me.

    You told me every single day for almost 4 years how much you loved me. Every single day. You’ve told me every time I’ve talked to you since we broke up…how much you love me. It all feels like a lie. It feels like something you tell someone when you want something.

    I want my heart to let go. I want to stop caring. I want each tear that I’ve shed to be a little drop of my feeling…I want them to carry my love for you and I want them to be wiped away. I don’t like feeling so sad…so deeply melancholy that I quesiton if I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life.

    I question whether I could’ve put up with it longer just to have you in my bed at night. So that I don’t have to wake at 3 o’clock in the morning with such a white cold fear that you’re out of my life. I want to be able to enjoy my day and my evening without continually wondering if you’ll call… I want my life to be free of this compuslion and addiction or whatever it is that controls me. I don’t want to love you anymore.

    And when you call me…and see me…and bring me flowers…and talk about how much you miss me…and how much you love me and want to make love me… And in your eyes I see how free you are. And deep down inside I know that what you have now, living alone, is what you’ve always wanted but been afraid to ask for. I can’t go back to dating someone casually that I’ve never dated. We moved in together immediately…we didn’t do the whole dating thing…so why you’d think I’d start now. It just can’t happen. I love you so much…but I don’t want to anymore. I don’t want to. I don’t want to.

    What Can I Do?

    by  • February 24, 2010 • 0 Comments

    How is it that I can feel such fathomless grief for you? You are practically a stranger to me. And yet, when I heard about the loss you suffered, it broke my heart. I cried for days and days. My heart still aches when I see you or think of you.

    What can I possibly do? Is there no comfort I can offer you? Is it my fate to watch your pain from afar? Every time I get up the courage to speak to you, you’re nowhere to be found. I wish so badly that there were some way I could help to ease your burden. You’ve been such a model of strength, courage and faith, and you have changed my life. I just want there to be a way for me to be part of yours.

    I have a confession

    by  • February 24, 2010 • 2 Comments

    My love,

    I hope that I will get a chance to get used to saying those words. I need to tell you something that I should have told you a long time ago. I am madly, desperately, and unashamedly in love with you. You have become the center of my life and I know why. You are caring, sweet, unbelievably beautiful, charming, romantic, and you make my heart skip a beat whenever I am around you. You brighten my day and fill my life with total happiness. I don’t know what I would do without you, and I hope that I will never have to find out.

    On second thought…maybe I WILL send this.

    Secrets

    by  • February 24, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Dear, Brother;

    You know when you have had enough of life. Of everything being not they way you wanted it. When you’re ready to just brake down and undo everything that you created. Just wanting to get away, run as fast as you can. That’s how I felt when you touched me, the way you did. Not lovingly. One not of a brothers. I wish you never did the things you did. I wish I never was screwed up because of you. But I am. But I’m going to be the bigger person and forgive you. Don’t get me wrong I hate you with a firey passion. But I will never tell you this because you don’t deserve it. And I’m afraid It will give you the wrong Idea. I just hope, when I leave my house for college, I can leave you behind with my faults that I have done.

    From
    You’re dirty little secret

    I’ll never forgive you

    by  • February 24, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Joe,

    I’ll never forgive you for killing yourself. We had a huge fight the last time I talked to you. And as much as I appreciated that you told a mutual friend that you forgave me, I still think you’re an ass. You forgive me? A fight is a fight… part of life. I think it’s a little arrogant to know you have the last word.