• Will you still love me tomorrow

    by  • May 24, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Will you still love me when I tell you all the things I’m afraid to say. We built this world of you and me and love and safe and beautiful. I didn’t want to tell you. I still don’t.

    I was raped (for years.)
    (by a family member)

    I was a prostitute.
    I gave up on life when the only person who ever loved me was killed.
    Sometimes every moment feels like dying.

    And when I’m with you, I pretend these things don’t exist. I kiss you and I hold you, and I pretend I’m the girl I see in your eyes.

    Will you still love me one day when I tell you all these things. You who are so innocent and naive. You who has a family who has always loved you. You who has never seen a bad thing happen, except in movies.

    But I don’t think I’ll ever tell you, and so I don’t think you’ll ever be the one.

    -Your Girlfriend.

    What you’ll never see…

    by  • May 24, 2010 • 0 Comments

    I hope what you find what you’re looking for. I Know you won’t ever see this..cause i’m too scared to show it. But you know my feelings. I love you. Nothing more, nothing less. Even after almost a whole year, I would take u back in a heartbeat. yeah, maybe i’m stupid for that, after all the hurt you caused me, but you are the guy who made me feel alive. You would always try to help me, make me laugh, or turn my face red. You gave me wings and you were the reason i wasn’t afraid to fly. You put the colors in my world. I always looked my best with you by my side. But then you touched my heart, and said goodbye. You gave me hope, then went away. I try my best not to show it. I loved you from the start, and I love you in the end. And I always will love you. No matter where I am, what i’m doing, who i’m with. You will always have that one piece of my heart.. I love you forever and always plus a lifetime.

    Bitch Bootcamp: Week SIX

    by  • May 24, 2010 • 0 Comments

    “I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop
    frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.”

    ~ D.H. Lawrence

    Guess what. I’m going G.I. Jane on your asses. Know why? Because I can guaran-fucking-tee most of you didn’t do your homework for Bitch Bootcamp: WEEK FIVE. And the rest of you probably felt guilty for doing it.

    Hey – no one said this would be easy, but here’s the deal. You either WOMAN UP and do the tasks or get the HELL OUT OF MY CAMP.

    Can’t hack it? Ring the FUCKING BELL. We have a shower, warm meal and comfy bed waiting for you in PUSSY land. Of course, knowing you, you’ll offer that warm bed up to the first loser asshole you find because you’re not willing to be the bitch I know you are.

    So, listen up BITCHES. Repeat Week FIVE. If I hear one GODDAMN complaint, you’re all OUT.

    It’s so easy to go down.

    by  • May 23, 2010 • 1 Comment

    That’s what frightens me.

    How purely satisfying my life and positive my outlook until I am pushed a bit.

    Then it all comes crashing down and the clouds darken my doorsteps.  Now I am depressed, dreading what’s to come…and lacking my happiness.

    To be totally happy and then be totally upset that quickly

    That’s what frightens me.

    school

    by  • May 23, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Dear boy in my English class,

    Not everything you say makes you smart. Sometimes you say exactly what I say but you add a big word. Then the professor loves what you say. You always talk too fast that I have no idea what you’re saying. You are not perfect. You’re attending a community college, not an ivy league school. Get over yourself.

    That one girl in your class.

    Mommy Dearest

    by  • May 23, 2010 • 0 Comments

    I am a 50 year old woman now,with 4 wonderful children.I would give them the world if i could.

    I have been living with guilt and shame my entire life. The pain had become so unbearable at some points, i chose suicide attempts. I get sick to my stomach knowing that i would have left my children behind. This is where you took me to the end just as you wanted. My whole life has been controlled by you. My thoughts, my actions and my freedom of speech. This you took away from me. The physical,verbal,and mental abuse has worn me down so much, that i just couldn’t take it no more, it goes on and on and on until you seen me break time after time. You have tried to take everytrhing away from me all my life including the love my children had for me. I sit here and want to shout to the world the real you. The neglect of not bathing me and my siblings. Being locked in a room at 6 years old because of a bad ear ache had become so unbearable, my crying perturbed you, so you shut the bedroom door on me and yelled from the other room SHUT-UP. The crying continued so you beat me. Never mind the hanger everyday, and the beatings from you and daddy, that was the least of my worries. The verbal abuse had become so bad, i only wished for a new mother and father.

    I can keep going, MOMMY DEAREST. i think people get the picture now, i have exposed you and that you will never forgive me for. I remember sitting in the movie theatre at 6 with sores in my head and having a terrible odor. You are a child’s nightmare. I haved nothing good to remember you by and i can’t even remember where my sister and brother were. I know you ruined their life as well, they stopped talking to you along time ago. Why i ask it took me so long to realize you were the root to all evil. I allowed you to control my life totally. Then i thought about it. I was holding on to the fact that you would possibly change and one day be a caring parent. That is so crazy i gave you plenty of opportunity’s and you just shut the door on me. I have told you about sexual abuse your answer was at least you weren’t raped. I loathe you with every bone in my body.

    Today i let you go and shut the door on my past. No more it’s over. I need to lead a happy and fulfilling life with my children. Thank God i didn’t abuse my children like you. This is why i can’t find no excuse for your actions. I knew better why didn’t you. I know why instead you acted out your abuse to deal with your own. I chose never to be you. That’s the difference between you and me i loved my family and my husband so much. I wished you dead for so long, but that would be to easy. So i set myself free of you,and your punishment is that your 3 childen are no longer in your life. My children have already become wise of your actions, and i’m sure they won’t be around much longer.

    So i close this letter with you in it, and say good-bye to my past, and live each day as if it was my first. I chose to be happy. For so long i have been living in pain and God was kind enoough to open my eyes to tell me it wasn’t all in my mind. The puzzle pieces are a match and now it’s time to move on. My children are my life. There is no other way to express a mother’s love for her children. I will stay here on this earth to protect and love them as long as i live. I love you my Babies…So much. Thank you all for your support.

    This chapter is over and i have a life to live now, Good-bye Mommy Dearest. Thank you for reading my letter.

    My advice to child abuse is to seek professional help and don’t give up on yourself. It was never your fault we just were given this wrong road to have the chance to fix it for others.

    Susan