• if i look at too many pictures of you i remember who you are…

    by  • June 24, 2010 • 0 Comments

    and it turns out you’re not this person i imagine you to be. and you’re a person i love and care about, but not one i want to spend my life with…

    it’d be much easier if i could love you and then i wouldn’t have to look anymore.

    but it never works that way. does it.


    by  • June 24, 2010 • 0 Comments

    I never though that we would end, not like this, and not at all. I always thought that we’d spend our lives together, I mean we finished high school and managed 4 years together. I pictured us continuing to be together you know?  Finishing college (even though you were 3 hours away), getting married, and a house (remember we talked about our house I wanted horses and you wanted a lake)  and having kids.You would be such a great dad especially if we had a son, I can see the two of you fishing.

    You can still have all of that, we can still grow old together. But now we are not only growing old alone, we are growing apart and I don’t want to be old without you.

    You have always been the one I was to kiss me and tell me you love me. I want you to be the one I come home to every night. I want to be your world. But now your world just seems to involve fishing and from what I’m hearing no stable girl, just a bunch of one night stands. I never thought that would be something you would do, I thought you had more dignity than that…. I guess I was wrong; about everything. But one thing I know I am not wrong about is that I know you and love you. I know you will need more then a one night stand sometime soon, I know that there will always be something there for us, and I know that one day you will miss me as much as I miss you now.

    I want to be waiting and I want to take you back when that happens with my arms wide open longing for your embrace, but I can’t promise I will.

    But if there is one thing I can promise you, it’s this… You are the only one I have ever loved and I will ALWAYS no matter where I go in life LOVE you with EVERY bit of my HEART

    You really are pretentious.

    by  • June 23, 2010 • 0 Comments

    I hate you. Right now anyway.

    You made out I was 1 in a million. Said I deserved better than what I had, told me of the amazing things you would do for me if I was yours.

    It only took the slightest interest of the skankiest girl to change your sights. I’m sure she hears the same words you fed to me.

    I used 100% of my self control not to run straight to you. You have no idea how much pain that has saved me. I am so happy I’m not as impulsive as you.

    Did you think about the things you were causing? The hurt, the confusion or the problems?

    Now, what have you left? A broken relationship and a broken girl. A girl who wishes she could be happy for long enough before people step all over her.

    You said yourself, I shouldn’t be as nice to people as I am. I want to drive to your house, walk in the door and rip your heart out, just like you did mine.

    Why do I never mean as much to them as they mean to me.

    I feel like I’m going round in circles.

    I hate you. Right now anyway.

    An Open Letter to Hollywood

    by  • June 23, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Hey Hollywood,

    This is directed at all of Hollywood’s agents, PR reps, paparazzi, starlets, aspiring actors, actresses, executives, etc. This includes the make-up people, the hair people, the stylists and all the parts integral in the making of a “star”.

    I buy your movie tickets, I rent your videos, I buy your magazines, I follow your lives.  I, and others like me, pay your salary so essentially, I (little ol’ me) am your boss.

    As your boss I am finding it necessary to lay down some new guidelines in the business of Hollywood.  I expect you to adhere to these policies, effective immediately.

    • Dysfunction shall no longer be a norm
    • Destructive behavior is not a photo op – Paparazzi shall avoid drama queens, addicts, and people with no valid talent
    • Orange is NOT a skin color – Knock it off
    • Women and Men shall be of average size – Clavicles, ribs and pelvic bones shall remain under a healthy layer of fat
    • Silicone shall be used only in spatulas and kitchen accessories
    • Plastic surgery shall be avoided at all costs unless medically necessary ie. a dog ripped your face off and you need a transplant
    • Fidelity shall be lauded
    • Honor shall be applauded
    • Talent will be measured by quality of said acting, writing, dancing, vocal and/or instrumental ability and not by the quantity of electronic and/or lighting aids
    • Successful Hollywood shall be expected to give back in some manner for the benefit of mankind
    • Journalists, paparazzi, and bloggers shall refrain from calling ANY clavicle/rib/pelvic showing actor or actress “fat”.  Fines will be commensurate with the damage caused to the actor/actresses self-esteem/box office draw
    • As with all “games” the participants are expected to wish their opponent well and congratulate them
    • Name calling is not allowed

    That’s about it for now.  Let’s gather together for a new era of Hollywood and bring this amazing possibility and positivity into the future.

    Your paycheck depends upon it.

    Warm regards,

    Your Boss

    Love Is Your Choice

    by  • June 23, 2010 • 0 Comments

    You would feel so much better if you would LET yourself care less about what others think about you, and just accept yourself. Let go of self-judgement and give yourself some much-needed love. If others are critical, accept it. Their opinions belong to THEM. In reality they do not determine a single thing about you. That is your choice! Know that you ARE beautiful, just as you are. When those negative thoughts pop into your head, accept them and let them pass. Don’t judge yourself. Negative thinking builds up and it’s like digging yourself into a hole. Positive thinking also builds up and if you get into the habit your love will begin to radiate, from deep in your heart, out to the surface, and into the universe, connecting with love that emanates from other people, animals, plants, earth, rocks, clouds, stars, everything you can imagine. You are surrounded by love 24/7!!!

    Where are we going?

    by  • June 22, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Wow, I never knew that our marriage would end up the way it has. I remember when we first met on our blind date. I remember in the beginning how happy you made me feel, and how I could just be myself around you. You never had a bad thing to say to me or about me. Now here we are 6 years later, and we are talking about separation. What happened? I think I know, you turned into a different person. You turned into a mean person, you turned into “that kinda guy”. When I married you, I knew I wasn’t ready to be married, but I thought we could be that perfect couple, with that perfect relationship, because everybody loved you and told me what a wonderful person you were, and in the beginning you were. You were the husband that every woman wanted, and now look at us. I can’t even stand to be around you. Whenever we are together, we can’t even look at each other or ask a simple question without getting into an argument. You say you still ove me, I don’t doubt that you do, but are you still in love with me? I can honestly say that I love you as a person, I am no longer in love with you. When I look at you I have no feelings, no emotions, I am completely numb to you. I try to make myself to feel love for you, but when I look at you and think about it, nothing is there, it’s like you are just another person in my existence. I also think that if you love me the way you say you do, then why do you go to work and talk shit on me to all the people you work with? Why do you go to your parents and talk shit on me to them? You know they don’t like me or my family, so why would you do that? Why do you call me a bitch, to your friends our friends? All this makes me question how true your love is. I believe the only reason I am still with you at this point, is for the money, as terrible as that sounds. I think maybe you should just pack your things and leave for a while. Maybe we will be better friends than husband and wife. I just wish I knew exactly what I could do to make all of this go away, to make it all better. I feel sorry for you. You have turned all your friends away from you because you’re so mean. You cuss people out for no reason at all, then you call my friends and my family and point the finger at me, you say I am always bitchin at you, and always in a bad mood. Well you need to look in the mirror and see what you have done as well. I know this goes both ways, but you have made me a bitter person, you have pushed me away to the point to where I am at no return. I think that if we don’t separate now, we will never be able to fix this or be able to be friends. I secretly wish that maybe we can just separate, then in a few months from now maybe we can start to date all over again, start new. I don’t want a divorce, I just want things to go back to the way they were in the beginning. I wonder though if they ever will. I wonder if we are beyond repair. If we separate and we find that we are happier by ourselves, then we know that we we’re not meant to be married