Dear Hot Potato Factory CEO,
This being a hot potato factory and all, I understand that you
yourself must embrace and embody all that is ‘hot potato’. Be it a
phone call, an email, a meeting you scheduled 30 minutes ago… all
must be handled with astute hot potato precision, by you, the hot
potato master and all-time champion. My concern is that you seem to
have assembled for yourself a team of like-minded hot potato
aficionados. This has created an environment whereby lots of potatoes
get tossed about, but where they end up nobody knows. This has not
gone unnoticed by our clients, the owners of said potatoes. Other hot
potato top producers have taken note as well, finding that potatoes
tossed our way end up lost in our hot potato abyss. Just thought you
should know – shit ain’t gettin’ done and you reward them for it.
Dear certain bass in choir,
I think we can consider ourselves fairly good friends. At least I
think so, but since you started acting fucking WEIRD after our
glorious bus date that one day on tour, I knew something was up. Yes,
I had a huge crush on you. I wish I had realized my feelings for you
sooner (as of in like a year sooner) because I feel like then I would
have had a chance.
Well, who am I kidding. Of course I wouldn’t have had a chance. I take
a look at who you’re dating now, and realize that I’m just apparently
not hot enough for you. If you’re into anorexic, overly-tanned girls
who look like they’re 12, then great. People tell me I should be able
to get anyone I want, and I wanted you. You lost your chance forever,
so screw you! I hope someday you can realize what you’re missing.
You’ll never have a chance again.
I would try and list qualities about you that I can’t stand, or think
are awful, but I honestly cannot think of any which is pathetic on my
part. Except of course the fact that I am DISGUSTED with your choice
of a girlfriend. I hope she dumps you in a brutal manner someday.
PS – I am too fabulous for you anyways.
You are a:
Knock it the hell off, would ya???
I know my boss thinks it’s a little funny that we couldn’t catch you, but I’m not amused. Personally, I’d like you to be squashed like the bug you are (yes, yes – technically you’re an arachnid. WHATEVER).
So, can we call it a truce? If you promise to stay as far away from me as possible, I promise not to KILL YOU. Here is the line in the sand… cross it if you dare.
Your not-so-thrilled office mate
I think that it is about time that we made a change! We will soon be taking over the world, and burning down the government……with zombies. We have decided that the world is over-populated and we have chosen to take it down a notch. We think that you should know because there is nothing that you can do to stop us.
Say goodbye to your loved ones and begin acquiring the taste for human flesh because soon you will be our faithful minions! Do not try to resist, or hide because we WILL find you!
BOW DOWN BEFORE OUR POWER!!!
you are 100% crazy. You think you’re all that and a bag of chips when
in reality you are CRAZY. You live crazy, you think crazy. You are the
president of Crazy Town. You created www.iamsocrazy.com.
I am so sick of having to deal with your crazy, insane thoughts and
ideas. Just because you thought them all by your lonesome doesn’t mean
they’re good. In fact, I can pretty much guarantee that they are CRAZY.
Where is a big BUS when I need it?