I am not something you can tell what to do, I have a life…I may be weak but only on the outside…I loved you once why are you doing this to me now you are only pretending like nothing has ever happened between us. He will at least stay by me even if it’s only as a friend. I wish you could read this but I know It would never be right. My letter that you will never read is that you have now lost me forever…dont pretend you still like me just to get me back. I’m not falling for it anymore.
I wonder what I am to you sometimes. Am I just a friend? We’ve done a few things that crossed those borders, and it felt awesome. Often I get the feeling you are curious to try more things. I’ll always be a friend to you, but i still want a chance to be recreational and make you moan (again). I think you want that too?
I went to your funeral today. So many people came out to pay their respects, share stories about your life, and celebrate the time you spent in this realm. I didn’t know you very well. I had no words to offer, and that’s probably for the best. I just wanted to wish you congratulations on graduating to whatever is next, and thank you for the courage you showed when the time came to surrender your material form. Thank you for the love that you spread through your family and friends. Thank you for the example that you set. Thank you for reminding us that, after all of the many diverse experiences and events of your life, that the most important thing is love. You demonstrated that without a doubt.
It’s hard for me to sit here and not think about you. I truly Love you and i don’t think you truly know the true extent. I have said it to you time and time again, but you know me to be a Woman after God’s own Heart, so you automatically think that when i say i love you , that i am expressing God’s Love. But man it is far greater than you can ever imagine. I have played the game of trying to avoid you, and even blocking you out for a short period of time, and just when i think i can move on something just keeps leading me back to endless thoughts of you. And not in a physical form, i think past the physical because if that’s all it’s about , i am wasting my thoughts. My heart is torn, i sit and type and wonder if you know would that make a big difference. Should i pick up the phone an just call you and when you answer just openly say —– I ——-, Love you and i am in Love with you , i want to be the one to complete you. But the catch is i can’t take you not feeling the same, so as i sit in silence IF HE ONLY KNOW I TRULY LOVE HIM….
i just want to escape! and leave and not have to deal with anything!!!!
Sometimes it makes me so angry and sometimes I just want to forget. You would think I could just get over it. I’ve made my bed, and I sleep like a baby but I don’t mind saying, “how it’s a sad, sad, story your family decided to hate a perfect stranger and how in the world can what we had send them so over the edge that they would tell you our life together was over.” I still hate you for that, but I still love you, too.