• I wish

    by  • August 27, 2010 • 1 Comment

    I wish I could have gotten the chance to know you better. You uplifted my spirits like nobody else ever did and gave me hope. I miss seeing your smile:)

    Letting Go of Lost Love

    by  • August 27, 2010 • 0 Comments

    I’ve been on a writing roll lately so I guess you’re next. First of all let me just say, “I miss you.” I’ll always miss you and I hope you miss me. You’re my dear, dear friend and I carry you in my heart. You have been such an important part of the massive upheaval I’ve had over the past few years. Clinging to you felt like a relief from so much pain. Clinging to you now just feels sad and outdated. I’ve finally let you go as a lover and an idea of salvation. But I will never let you go as a friend.

    I want to share with you, perhaps for your book, how I feel about you this very moment, knowing you so well and doing a bit of cyber-stalking to see what you’re up to.

    You’re in love. I can see it. I think you’ve found the person you were meant to be with. She looks so much like all the girls you’ve been tapping into all these years. She seems so pure, loving, and ready to accept all that you have to offer. But she has something else and that’s what hooked you. I know it’s good and right, and perfect. She looks a bit like your ex-wife and perhaps even more like one of your daughters. Your soul knew what it was looking for. I’m happy for you. I’m happy for her. She seems like she deserves a truly loving, interesting, exciting, guy who can expand her experience of the world and give her a place to express all that she can be. She’s been waiting for you.

    I admit it, I’ve been stalking her Facebook page. Please thank her for finally making all her pictures public. None of it was a surprise when I finally saw it but the heart in the shape of petals on the hotel bed was a little over-the-top for me if you know what I mean;) Truly though I Iove it for her and I love it for you and I love that she shared it with her friends.

    I’ve shed a tear or two as I write this because I feel the loss of you as a lover still, nearly a year after we were last together. It’s not me you picked and I’m so fucking competitive it makes me mad. (Phew, there I said it and I feel better.) I’m coming to grips with the fact that it’s not only alright in my soul, it’s the right thing. (I’ll spare you the details because I know your ego is sensitive.) You said to me once, “This is true love.” I still believe that it was but I also know there is more than one true love. Thank you for sharing that with me at a time when I needed it most.

    (more…)

    A Song Out of “Grease”

    by  • August 27, 2010 • 2 Comments

    Reflecting back on my high school years, and the miniscule role you played in them, makes it hard for me to fathom the way I feel about you, but there’s no denying how much I care about you. This past summer was unlike any I’d ever experienced. I’m so glad we worked together, and I got to see you on a daily basis. You got to know the real me, and—big surprise—you liked her too. The more I got to know you, the more I realized how perfect you were for me. I know it seems ridiculous to have just graduated high school, and to already know what I want, but for some reason with you I just know you’re what I want. I know it’s a cliché to say I’ve never felt this way before, but I honestly haven’t. Never before have I actually pictured a future with a guy, and wanted to make that come true. Never before has a guy made me want to stay with him and not explore the college dating life, and I’ve never found myself daydreaming about one person so often. The crazy thing is we aren’t even together. It’s the most bizarre experience I’ve ever been through. If I could be with you right now, I would in a heartbeat, faster than you can say, “The pool likes me better.”

    But there’s no way we can ever be together. You’re still in high school and I’m headed off to college. You’re going to find someone at school, and you’re going to fall head over heels in love with her. I’ll be happy for you, because you deserve every ounce of happiness you can get your hands on. I won’t deny, though, that I will be jealous of her, because I will. I’ll be jealous that she gets to provide for you what I can’t, and probably never will be able to give you—a relationship. I know you’ll probably say I’ll find somebody in college, but for the first time ever, I don’t want somebody in college. I want you.

    (more…)

    I hope you burn

    by  • August 27, 2010 • 0 Comments

    You.

    Obviously there isn’t much I need to say.

    You know what you have done, and only you know the full truth about what you have done. I hope you live everyday as though you never did this, but deep in your mind it better burn and churn and rot you into the darkest of nightmares and reaches of your subconscious to the extent that you wake up screaming in the night. When those who are around you ask what is wrong, you must continue to lie, not just about that, but you know about everything you have ever said.

    Your tongue is made of knives, and your skin is like a snake’s.

    the thing is. I know you know all of this already, I just wish you would or could be punished for it.

    Maybe you’ll destroy yourself you psychotic piece of ****.

    Yours Truly,
    Your last love.

    Finally Free

    by  • August 27, 2010 • 0 Comments

    It’s not that I wanted to be your room mate any longer. I was just stuck there. Bound by a lease. I knew that I shouldn’t have moved in again, I knew it the second we walked in the place. I didn’t want to move again. I’ve moved so often these last few years. But you forced me into that small room. Trapped me in there.

    Things got tense, you always seem to forget that I was willing to help you out, that all you needed to do was ask. Its not like I was a burden, I did the dishes. I bought my own food and even paid for the communal food. I hid in my room, tried to be nice, and after a while I just couldn’t stand it.

    I think you need to realize that I don’t know if I can still be your friend. I realized this at 5am that one particular day. I want to be your friend. But I don’t think I can. But I don’t want to leave things the way they are. I just need space. And you need to grow up and learn to be less selfish.

    I know it is tough to accept, but the world doesn’t revolve around you.

    All the best,
    Rejected Room mate.

    We agreed.

    by  • August 27, 2010 • 0 Comments

    We agreed to move on with our own lives, never forget what happened but learn from it. Make the lessons from the mistakes of the past guard our hearts from making the same mistakes in the future.

    I will never forget the nights we would race with our cars and catch each other at a traffic light, grins wide as our faces brought by the exhilarating sensation of the wind in our hair and the adrenaline in our blood.

    I will never forget the late nights spent driving around in your car, with my ears straining to hear the music above the pounding of my chest. You would take my hand and hold it tight as we traveled in silence, never a word needed to be said.

    I will never forget the smell of your hair, or the way your body glistens after making love.

    Move on, move on from something that shouldn’t have happened, but became one of those things I should, but will never regret.