• To my wife

    by  • August 5, 2010 • 7 Comments

    You make me feel so lonely. You don’t want to have sex anymore like we used to. You don’t touch me like we used to. I don’t feel loved anymore. I keep trying and trying with you, to spark something…anything… I’m tired of crying myself to sleep sometimes. A guy should not feel this way. You are all about the kids and that’s it. You told me you had nothing left to give to me, and now I can’t help but resent you for that. I am thinking of finding someone else who can make me feel wanted again… even a fake feeling of love is better than this. I’m not going to leave you and the kids; I still love you, and I love the kids even more.

    I get bad thoughts sometimes, about hurting myself. I want the pain to go away.. or want your attention should I survive. Don’t worry though.. I’m a smart guy and would never do that to you or the kids…but I think about it. Drinking seems to help.. haven’t you noticed I’ve been drinking more?

    Time to go to bed now I guess… alone…  I’m not alone yet I am alone. I will be crying here in just a few minutes in the dark… Hoping I’m passing out before it ends….

    I’m getting there.

    by  • August 5, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Dear Rudo,

    Last summer was phenomenal,but the school year that followed almost destroyed me. The worst part is knowing I held on for NO reason. You were finsished the moment you took your first step off the plane. That was just cruel. For that I wish I didn’t love you. But no matter how much you do, or actually don’t do I still love you.

    Morals

    by  • August 5, 2010 • 0 Comments

    I’m starting to wonder: Is sex just “something fun” for me now? It used to be so meaningful to me. I always said I’ll only have sex with someone I love. But now it’s like it doesn’t matter anymore. I think it might be because I stayed with a guy for 9 months who was in love with me, but I didn’t love him back, and we were intimate a lot. Maybe I’m just so used to not having sex with someone I love now.

    But now I’m questioning all of my morals. I don’t know what is wrong and what is right. I’ve just been doing what makes me happy in the moment without any consideration for how it might affect me.

    The last guy I had sex doesn’t seem to like me anymore. It seems he got what he wanted and is done now. But oddly enough… that doesn’t make me mad. I honestly don’t care, and that’s kind of what worries me.

    Loneliness

    by  • August 5, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Since the day I met I have longed for you, these past seven years have been the most lonely in my life. You thought we were just friends, you talked to me as if you thought I could give advise about your relationships with your boyfriends. You thought I could guide you on a path that would make you happy, But all I could do was say that they weren’t the right one for you. All I did is die inside; Knowing that you would never be more than a friend. I have no idea on how to live without you; and your leaving will be the hardest thing I have ever dealt with.

    lost love

    by  • August 5, 2010 • 0 Comments

    We’ve known each other for a while and just recently this feeling to hear your voice or see your face has been plaguing me.

    You flirt, and you don’t know it. If you do then you are amazing at hiding it.

    You tease me and wrap me around your finger, making me bend to your every will and the worst part about it is that I accept it. Hell, I love it. But even if I love it, a little piece of me dies off and I feel like I can’t ever get it back.

    It’s not healthy the way we act around each other, and I know it. But I let it happen because it means I can be close to you.

    It can’t always be this way because it’ll kill me eventually. I’ll be trailing you down like a bewitched servant and I’ll one wrong step and it’ll be over. But, for now this will do.

    Miss You

    by  • August 5, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Dear Jenna

    When you left I didn’t know it at the time but you took a piece of me with you. I know it’s what you always wanted and I’m not mad at you for leaving me I just miss you.