• Just Like That

    by  • August 23, 2010 • 1 Comment

    It’s funny. How you can become such good friends with a person. One second the two of you are friends. The next, you are being ignored. What did I ever do to you? The saddest thing is I feel like that other one who you did this to. I NEVER thought I’d be treated this way. Shame on you. But more, shame on me. For knowing this was possibly happening to me next. I saw the way you treated her. And I was warned by many. Stay away, stay away. Playing with fire can burn you. I took the risk. And today, I write this burnt. Burnt to such an extent you have no idea. Thanks to you, I’ll have a harder time letting people get close to me. Get to know me. Because I refuse to be played like you did to me. You have cost them and me a great deal.

    Even more hurtful? You can’t admit it. At least have the decency to face me and say it. You’ll be hated. Much more than now. But at least my respect for you won’t have diminished. I wish I could sit here and write you a nice letter telling you good luck in college and that I can’t wait for you to come back and visit. Sadly, I sit here writing this. This letter which you will never read. This letter which means the world to me. This is how it ends. You throwing me away.


    Dear Self

    by  • August 23, 2010 • 3 Comments

    I HATE YOU and I could not mean it more. You screw EVERYTHING up and ruin anything you touch/look at/breathe on. You are a GIANT and WORTHLESS piece of SHIT! You have no friends and rightly so. You’re not cool enough and you’re DEFINITELY not pretty enough. You lack a complete education and personality. Honestly, I’m surprised you’ve made it this far in life without killing yourself. Seriously, what keeps you from doing it? No one would care, no one would notice if you did. Sure there’s a FEW that might say, “I’d notice. I’d care.” But when it come down to it they just lied to your face. No one cares about you. Why else would you spend every holiday /birthday alone or working while everyone else is with her loved ones. You are absolutely insignificant to the rest of the world. But you make a great place to shit. The only thing you’re good at is being a door mat.

    In all reality, I look forward to attending your funeral…not that anyone will be there, let alone coordinate one.


    You have to know

    by  • August 23, 2010 • 0 Comments

    You have to know how much I love you. We’ve only been friends for five years but I’ve wanted to be more the entire time. I’ve told you this several times before and every time you’ve had the best possible attitude about it that a guy could ask for.

    To everyone around me I’m just the funny kid. Maybe some of them assume there’s greater depth to me that they just don’t care to discover. Or maybe I don’t let them in. But regardless, I always let you in. You know me as me, the same way that I know myself. There are so few people that no how serious and sad I can be.

    I love every minute I’ve ever spent with you. I shoved romances to the side for five years just to retain the special connection we have, hanging on to the fragile hope that someday you’ll finally see me in a different light. For five years, this day has not come. Now we’re in college, with 3 time zones in between us. Texting you helps me make it through some of the tougher days.

    Now that we are where we are I have to be convinced that my small shrivel of hope has finally dissolved into nothing. Yet somehow I just can’t believe that. You’re the closest I’ve ever come to a girlfriend and I don’t know how to get over you. Getting over you would mean losing one of my only outlets for pure self expression. Who will I be if I lose you?

    You have to know I feel this way, although I’ll never be able to tell you, for fear of what I might become.

    Miss your face.

    by  • August 23, 2010 • 0 Comments

    I miss you everyday. I still think it’s stupid that you had to move to Iowa. For the rest of my life I’ll feel angry towards that stupid state. You want to know what really pisses me off though? The fact that you promised you’d keep in touch and you aren’t making much of an attempt. It’s the 21st century. This shouldn’t be difficult.

    We got so close in the months before you left. I knew I could talk to you about anything. I trusted you and that’s so hard for me to do. Now you’re gone and I have no one to talk to again.

    You promised us that you wouldn’t forget us. Liar. It’s totally understandable that you would make new friends once you moved, but does that mean that you have to leave the rest of us in the dust? The worst of it all was when you finally came to visit and we hardly saw you. That hurt. Did you seriously not want anything to do with us? Oh, and thanks for not saying good bye. Real classy.

    I don’t want to be angry with you. Truly I don’t, but it’s hard knowing I’ve lost such a good friend. You have no idea how long it took for me to get used to the fact that you weren’t coming back. For weeks I imagined that I saw you in the hallway. Each time I wanted to burst into tears when I realized it wasn’t you.

    Part of me feels like I’m being ridiculous. Am I supposed to feel this sad so many months later? Who knows. I just miss you so much.

    Love, Em.

    See Me

    by  • August 23, 2010 • 0 Comments

    To her,

    I noticed you first, a long time ago, looking the other way. You didn’t see me. But you knew me, you knew I was there. I saw you, I saw a small cold person who needed someone. After the year went by we both saw each other, this time in a new light, I saw that you were warm and caring, you saw me as nice and funny. We bonded, became the best of friends. You looked into my eyes, I looked into yours.

    I saw something in you, something amazing. Love, I saw the most wonderful person I’d ever seen in my life. You still only saw a friend, but now a good friend. One day I will tell you, because I know, you want to hear it, you want to be loved, and so do I.