• Teenage Child

    by  • August 8, 2010 • 0 Comments

    I Hate You. You consume my mind, I can’t go a minute without thinking about the last time you left me crying alone. I can’t go an hour without wanting to be in your arms. I can’t go a day without loving you and for that I Hate You. I care so much and you treat me like a doormat. I let it happen to myself but what human being can’t realize all that’s being done for them.

    You’re a selfish child.

    One day I’ll get tired of it and push you off the throne and then you’ll realize how much I did for you and I won’t turn back to help you pick up your broken pieces.

    I’ll be done with you

    Theater Drama

    by  • August 8, 2010 • 0 Comments

    You’ve taught me everything, and now you are gone. Not forever but it might as well be. The day you took your tool box I cried. You were leaving and I couldn’t avoid that fact, I had to face it but I didn’t want to. I didn’t think I was strong enough to do this without you and I wasn’t. I came during the summer to be, and I became much stronger but never as strong as you are. I thank you for all of that. I hope you understand that. This will be my last tear for you.


    by  • August 8, 2010 • 2 Comments

    I didn’t break up with you because I didn’t love you. I will always love you. Deeply. But I couldn’t stand that I cheated on you several times, and this was it. I was in love with another person, someone who I couldn’t let go. I will never, ever, love anyone the way that I love you. I have to move on. You will move on (probably before I do). Maybe you don’t understand it right now, but you will. Someday. I love you. And I hope you and I will be together forever even though not in the way we should.


    by  • August 8, 2010 • 0 Comments

    I know everyone is there. I know I am loved. It’s hard for me;however, to tell you I go to sleep with hopes of never waking up, and I wake up wishing I never did. There’s days that I can stand up and say I feel alright and I can honestly say I will never take my own existence. The pain stays within me, and no one truly knows that it is there. I don’t want to worry anyone but I don’t want to be lonely anymore.

    I Lost a Piece of Me in You. I Think I Left it In Your Arms.

    by  • August 8, 2010 • 0 Comments


    Please just come home. This time last year you were with me. You came home for me. Please just come back. Tell me you were wrong and how difficult that past few months have been for you. Tell me you were wrong about everything.

    I know this last year was horrible. I know it was the most difficult thing either of us have ever had to deal with. But we got through it. We got through that. Doesn’t that show you that we can get through anything?

    I want you here to see how far I’ve come. D, you would be so proud. I know you would. No one was ever more proud of me then you were, or believed in me quite like you did. You always told me how beautiful I was, when I looked and felt so different. You never made me feel like I wasn’t pretty or good enough.

    I think you got scared. You were going through the same thing I was, but couldn’t process it all. You needed to find inspiration in yourself that you saw me possess. You left to try to find the amazing within yourself that you saw in me.

    You are my hero. You always will be. I think about you everyday and I still love you, deeply and with all my heart. No one has compared to you since you left…

    You fought for me when I couldn’t fight for myself. You held my head up when I was too tired to breath or walk to the bathroom. You held my heart and gave me strength. You healed me. You helped me more than anyone.

    Please come back. Everything we went through meant something. You can’t tell me that it didn’t. No one I ever meet for the rest of my life will ever be able to prove to me that they would stay with me through something like that. Something so tragic. Please D. We need to give this another chance…

    I love you always. No matter what happens, even if I never see you ever again, I will always love you.

    Take care of yourself love.


    Family stuff

    by  • August 8, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Dear Papa, dear Mama, dear Hannes, dear everybody, who doesn’t know why I act so strange sometimes,

    It’s only August, but with the weather these past days it feels like autumn is coming. Today I realised, why this makes me so sad. You see it was a beautiful warm summer, I liked; and then, all of a sudden, it stopped. Now it’s cold and clouded and I feel alone. You know the first autumn I remember feeling so alone all of a sudden, it was when you and dad seperated. For me this came totally out of the blue. Of course I am happy I didn’t have to listen to you fighting for months, but a hint that something is wrong, a chance to try to repair things, was that so impossible.

    What I actually wanted to say is I tend to get these feelings of beeing lost or alone and when I trace them back, they go back to your divorce most of the time. It’s been 13 years and I’m grown up now, it shouldn’t still hurt, but it does.I often feel misplaced when I’m with you and your partners…..

    But that’s far from the point I wanted to make, sorry.

    You see, everything seemed perfect to me that summer 13 years ago, and all of a sudden it changed. I have a hard time trusting things that make me feel good, because I’m afraid I’ll lose them again, like the warmth of the summer is lost to autumn. But there is a new summer every year, a circle that repeats itself, but is never the same. Maybe I’ll think of that the next time things seem to change to the worse. And maybe you all forgive me for acting strange sometimes. Maybe every time people act strange for no apparent reason, there is something buried in their past they haven’t dealt with.

    Thank you for listening/reading,
    your sometimes strange I.