I looked at a calender today. It’s been 2.5 years since we last held each other and let it mean something. This is a thought bigger than myself, bigger than I can fathom. I also noticed that I’m slowly forgetting the litle things that made it all okay. The way you’re hair looked, the way I felt when I spotted you across the room. Don’t take this the wrong way, I’m happy now. But, Sometimes, I notice how nothing feels quite the way it felt with you. When we talk, I still feel the urge to explode my life into you, tell you everything that has been bothering me for the last 2 years…but…I don’t think you would like that. It was always me who walked away, but trust me, it was only because I was never good enough for you. Just don’t forget that the love that we had was immense, and immeasurable. Something that doesn’t happen very often.
I’m in love with you. That’s all I can really say. I’m too scared to say it to your face though. We’re friends with benefits. I’m kind of sick of it, but feeling your arms around me is something that I crave. Maybe its your ridiculously entrancing blue eyes. Or the way that you’re so perfectly unkempt. But I think I’m really starting to enjoy you, maybe more than I should. I talk to you about anything, I can tell you things that I can’t tell anyone else. I might even tell you that I’m a Trichatillomaniac someday. I really just wish I had the guts to say something to you. But I can’t do it. I’m too scared you’re not interested. And I’m not much into making a fool of myself. Maybe somehow you’ll see this and get a hint. Maybe someone else will see this, and think it’s for them. We’d laugh about that. I just hope something will work out. I really want you. But at the same time, I like what you are to me. If I had you around for sure, I don’t know if I would like you the same way. I want to try, though. I’d offer you an apology, but you have no idea that I admire you so much. I hope I grow out of it while you’re away and while I’m away, but I have a feeling I’m not going to.
what can I say about you?
simply that I love you.
with all my heart.
with all my soul.
with every part of me.
I will love you today.
I will love you tomorrow.
I will love you when I close
my eyes and take in my last breath.
you are my everything babe.
…I just wish you loved me the same.
but that’s ok.
I don’t mind.
because you’re happy.
and that’s… all that matters to me.
I am undeniably and stupidly in love with you. You are the opposite of everything I ever thought I would want for myself, you aren’t stable, you’re flighty, you care more for yourself than any person should. You make me laugh so much that I want to relive the moments over and over-being with you is the corniest and most natural high I have ever experienced.
I cannot even begin to put into words how blessed I feel to consider you a friend, let alone the great friend you have been to me and for me. Ultimately, I know, that if we were to ever be together it would most likely be catastrophic. We are two people too set in our ways. Even in knowing this, and knowing you are moving in year, I get this acid feeling in my chest just thinking about you loving someone else. I keep trying to convince myself that you really do love me like I love you and that you think I just want to be friends, that this pain you feel too. I wish that I were more physically ‘your type’, I feel like then my chances would be huge, because my confidence would be higher.
Honestly, that’s all it would take – just one more thing. I swear. Just let one more thing happen, and I’m running away. Just one more thing…
Why do you have to go on and on about things I could care less about? As soon as you open your mouth, all is hear is blah blah blah. What have I ever done to show you that I actually give a shit about your insignificant problems? Get over yourself – I know I have.