• i kind of love you a little

    by  • August 24, 2010 • 0 Comments

    i love your notes. they always make me laugh and smile and feel better about life. the first time i met you, i almost dropped my bag – i was expecting you to be a lot older and a lot less adorable.
    i’m so glad we’re friends, even if i haven’t seen you in a year. and, by the way, i might love you just a little. if we’re ever in the same place at the same time again, we’ll find out.
    thanks for making me smile again today.

    i love your notes. they always make me laugh and smile and feel better about life. the first time i met you, i almost dropped my bag – i was expecting you to be a lot older and a lot less adorable.
    i’m so glad we’re friends, even if i haven’t seen you in a year. and, by the way, i might love you just a little. if we’re ever in the same place at the same time again, we’ll find out.
    thanks for making me smile again today.

    Cocooned

    by  • August 24, 2010 • 2 Comments

    The silky softness of your skin as we nestle together,
    your body a diminutive shadow in the darkness.
    The firm, rounded perfection of your flesh, which meshes
    with such inexplicable comfort to mine.

    When you slid into bed next to me before the lights were out,
    a brief glimpse of your warm, pink, secret places.
    Now hidden, but still making themselves known
    by their heat radiating gently against my skin.

    I brush your shoulder with my lips, lingering to savor the
    faint salty-sweet scent of your beautiful skin.
    I cup your hip in my hand like a firm, soft-fuzzed peach, still
    giving back the sun’s warmth.

    Now, as we lay together in the dark , I struggle to remain
    still and quiet, lest I wake you.
    While my brain, my heart, and my glands shout their joy
    with such abandon that you must surely hear.

    I smile to myself, unseen, as I think of the joyful
    giggles evoked earlier by a soft tracing of my fingertips
    along the gentle curve of your ribs, down your flank, and
    spidering playfully across your stomach.

    Being with you, I feel myself changing, as if our love
    is a cocoon from which I will emerge renewed and
    strengthened in the morning light. But I know
    I will return to your arms at the end of the day.

    I wish

    by  • August 24, 2010 • 0 Comments

    unbelievable how much it hurt when i found out you married her. but you know that. do you really love her? how can you possibly tell me that you love me then go and ask another woman to marry you? i dont get it. you sobbed like a little boy that day.. then pretty much asked her the next day. what was it about me that made you so unable to commit? i wasnt even asking for a commitment. why did your mother cry her eyes out to me and ask why i let you go? I didn’t let you go. why did u always keep our relationship such a secret? were u ashamed of me? was i not good enough for you?

    well there’s these things that I can never say to you. but i need to get them out of my head. it’s been too long and i can’t keep crying over you.

    (more…)

    ….

    by  • August 24, 2010 • 0 Comments

    I hate you. I hate how I miss you after you treated me horribly. I hate how you made me so happy. I know, I probably liked you way too much, especially since I figured that I was just the rebound girl, the transition to your next serious relationship. My judgment was impaired.

    I knew all this yet it felt amazing talking to you and spending time with you even though I knew I probably meant nothing to you. I remember that first time you asked me to hang out with you and we walked on the golf course behind your house and we talked for hours. I remember how after I went home, I couldn’t fall asleep for hours because my mind was consumed with thoughts of you. I remember all the times I stayed up until the small hours of the morning crawled by just talking to you. I lay down every night now and think about the night you asked me to be yours and I remember how I could barely believe that it was happening to me.

    I also remember how you started to ignore me. How one day you would make plans with me and just not show up. I did not forget how horrible you treated me. And yet I still miss you, even though it’s over.

    I miss you

    by  • August 24, 2010 • 4 Comments

    Some days I think I could never miss you more than I do in that moment, but the next day, as I wake to another day without you, I realize I will only ever miss you more. I was really depressed today, so I called up a friend, he asked if I was worried about infidelity or something like that happening. Don’t worry, I quickly said NO! What I’m worried about is forgetting simple things like the way you smell, or how you sound when you sleep, or how you take your coffee in the morning. I’m worried that before I see you again I may lose those things that I loved the most in the short time we have together. 3600 miles is a long way, and any smart person would have said, “that’s just too far”. But I’m not smart…I’m an optimistic idealist…and you are the end all be all, ocean or not. I love you like crazy and I miss you like whoa. Hopefully you never forget it.

    I guess it’s a love lost

    by  • August 24, 2010 • 0 Comments

    I write this to you because I am sorry. I don’t know if I’ve ever been more sorry to anyone in my life, but to you I deeply, deeply apologize. I love you. I have spent years loving you more than I love anyone else, or anything else. Or, I convinced myself of that to stay with you. Despite what I told me, it doesn’t change the way I have felt about you. It hurts me to know that I have hurt you. It hurts me even more to know that now you stay to not hurt me from a promise, but your heart is no longer in it. It is hard to love someone who you don’t think loves you. I know that now, and it’s complicated because you’re becoming a dime a dozen to me. It’s the memory of what we shared that keeps me around, and I just want to be swooned again. I want you to want me and woo me, again. But you won’t, and it hurts hurts hurts all day. I walk around trying to find a way, but I amble about looking for someplace to land. Before, it was with you. Now, it’s no place and I’m scared of what will happen to us. I’m oh so scared, and when I tell you I get indifference. Indiffference is the worst thing you could give me. I cannot feel indifference. I cannot feel anything. Whatever shall we do?