I don’t know where to begin.
I opened myself up to you. I was in such a low place, and you were the only one who kept me sane.
I was blatant about falling in love with you, we slept together…yes, I knew you were married. To be honest, I thought fucking you would get you out of my system. I’d already been love-sick for two years at that point.
Two and a half years later, here I am. Still love-sick.
I’m living in a pay-by-the-week motel looking for a job (can’t go back to school obviously, too many memories). You’re running around Europe and North Africa with your family this summer.
You have no idea what you have put me through. There is no way I could ever begin to accurately describe the pain and heartbreak you put me through. I’ve cried so hard I’ve thrown up. I’ve even thought about cutting myself again because it may make the pain leave for a few minutes.
But I know this: I am better than you. You have your comfortable life in a miserable marriage, you pretend it’s all good and then you fuck your students – students who are even more vulnerable than most. Students who need your help with the subject, students who have panic attacks and “daddy issues”.
Your self-esteem is non-existent, and you cover it up by acting like an arrogant ass.
But I still love you.
I’m sorry you’re so sad about losing your best friend…that makes two of us. But I have to do this for ME.
I cannot ever speak to you again, your emails will go into the trash from now on. I have to lose my best friend in order to heal from the heartache.
I miss you SO much, I think about you ALL the time, and missing you is precisely why I cannot speak to you again.
I deserve an explanation. Did you know you were going to hurt me? Did you intend on sleeping with me from the first moment, is that why you were so kind and supportive? Was it just a fringe benefit? Why didn’t you ever love me? How long have you known there was no chance at us being together and that you would never touch me again before you said so? I deserved to know immediately.
You seem really worried I’ll tel your wife. I promise that won’t happen. It’s not worth the drama, and I DO still love you and I don’t hurt those I love (or their kids), and frankly it seems you’re pretty miserable in your marriage and I kinda think you deserve misery right now.
Maybe one day I’ll be able to love again. I’m pretty bitter at this point. The ONE man I trusted broke me…that’s hard to deal with.
I sorta regret ever meeting you.
Your “special student”