• Bitch Bootcamp: Week EIGHT

    by  • June 10, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Well, it’s Thursday. A little late this week… but even with that extra time, I only had one BITCH complete last week’s assignment. Or maybe it’s just that the rest of you were too chicken to post yours?

    Here is something to ponder for the rest of this week. We’ve been
    learning how to be a BITCH – let’s define what a BITCH doesn’t
    do:

    • Doesn’t backstab her coworkers… and doesn’t listen quietly when others do.
    • Doesn’t back out on her word.
    • Doesn’t disrespect their mother.
    • Doesn’t look back and think “what if”.
    • Doesn’t fuck over another BITCH by fucking their husband. Or wife. Or boyfriend. Or girlfriend.
    • Doesn’t make an ass of herself in front of her boss.
    • Doesn’t discount her importance.
    • Doesn’t ignore that little twinge that tells her something is just a little “off”.
    • Doesn’t lie. Or cheat . Or steal.
    • Doesn’t think eating a third cookie is a bad thing.

    But most importantly, a BITCH doesn’t roll over and let anyone walk all over her. When you are willing to stand up for yourself, do what is right and hold others accountable for their actions, good things will follow.

    BITCH OUT.

    Time to run away

    by  • June 10, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Again. I attempt it everyday lately it seems. Somehow I never make it to “away”. Maybe someday I’ll make it. I know one thing – if I do make it to “away”, I’ll never come back.

    final to scott

    by  • June 10, 2010 • 0 Comments

    my dearest scott,

    Well here it is – I am now home from the hospital after 2 1/2 weeks. What do I say now I have not said to you already? But I will try one more time, even though I know you’re out of my life. Where did I go wrong? What happened to make you change your mind on me? Why won’t you just talk to me? Don’t you know every time you see me you will see the questions in my eyes? Do you even care? Have you ever cared? I stop now and realize maybe you were never there. We were not on the same page as far as we go. I wanted more – you only wanted once and a while. Maybe you didn’t see between the lines. Then you figured out how much how I really did care. Did it scare you away? Did what I did hurt you more than it hurt me? I would do anything to get you to understand I only want the best for you. And since you have decided that’s not me, I am left here with only the memories. I won’t lie – I would like more. I know I have tried and done my best. I have questions you won’t answer and a heart that you have decided to hurt. I thought you were starting to help my heart mend. I don’t know what turned your heart so cold. But to you I say now and for as long as I will live , I cared for you and wanted you to just try to give me the same. Good luck and I wish you well in finding happiness, but I wish it was me. Again thanks for the memories.

    I Know Your Secret

    by  • June 9, 2010 • 1 Comment

    This is something that I’ve known about for many years. I’ve learned it gradually. I remember the first time when I was just a little girl and I saw that pin-up poster in your toolbox. I thought you were cheating on Mom. You told me that I wouldn’t understand (I didn’t) and that you only used it to “inspire” your employees. I told Mom about it. She smiled and told me it would be okay, and mentioned how embarrassed you must have been.

    You’re so terrible about leaving your adult things lying about! I’m talking about your mail-order products, your passwords, your websites, your viruses… I started working for you again recently and I found a few other things that made me do research on them. Do I do it because I want proof that you aren’t hiding anything from us? I hope so. Part of me wants to know that you are bi though, so it’ll be easier for me when I come out to you. You can’t kick me out of the house so easily.

    I traced your passwords. I traced your websites. I saw the tights, the nude pictures you have of yourself on your flashdrive. (Boy was that a traumatizing night.) I can’t sit in that chair without remembering some of the awful things that I saw with your posing in front of the camera. One of those websites brought me to a name. I wanted to make sure it wasn’t you. I don’t want you to cheat on my mother. Do you enable her because you are so petrified that she’s going to discover your secret? That you are searching for sexual partners within the state and out of state? I had a haunch you left us to meet other people once. I thought you were so inconsiderate when you left her all by herself when I was at summer camp back in high school.

    How can you be so selfish and cruel? You don’t have many options, but don’t choose the one that involves secrecy and lies! If you don’t love my mother, express that to her. Be fair for once in your life. If you do love her, trust her to love you back: no matter what.

    I’m going to be coming out to you soon. I’m going to come out to Mom first. Then I’m going to come out to you. I respect your gender preference, but I do not condone what you do with it. You give us bisexuals a bad name. I’m very upset with this. All I wanted was a family that would accept me for who I am. Now that I know what this family is actually like, I don’t think I want to have anything to do with you.

    Alone

    by  • June 9, 2010 • 1 Comment

    Does anyone know what it is to be alone? Truly alone? Never been kissed, never been with a “Special someone”, never been held?

    If you do, then you know what the feeling is when you wake up in the morning after a wondeful, romance filled dream, and half-asleep, reach over to hold your lover only to find empty space. It hurts. It hurts so bad that all you can do is sit there and cry.

    I am tired of waking up to no one, I am tired of hearing my friends talk of their perfect kiss, or that one romantic dinner. I am tired of being alone.

    I want you

    by  • June 9, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Love is much too strong of a word. I barely know you, but I’m infatuated by you.

    There was a spark from the moment we met. You felt it too, which is why things happened the way it did. Do you even remember what happened that day? I can’t believe I stayed in your section for hours. Upon leaving the first day, I had learned so much about you. Thinking about that day makes me smile.

    I would go back just to see if you were working, and when you were- you’d sit afterward, have a drink, and chat with my friends and me. We were never alone like the first day.

    After texting me, especially that one night, I knew you wanted more. It scared me. We both had someone and, although you’re human, it would distort this sense of perfection you have about yourself. I lost touch, on purpose.

    Your smile never left me. So I had to find you again. Now that I have, I want to say inside jokes, say “Do you remember…?” and recall things you probably think I’ve forgotten, and have that flirtatious demeanor we’ve always had- but you seem happy and I think I am too. I don’t want to destroy that. (Plus I don’t want to creep you out.)

    I just want to let you know- I want you. I have since I’ve met you. I want to know more about you. I wonder what it’s like to wake up to that smile. I wonder what being in a relationship with you is like.

    Yeah…

    I really hope you see this. I really hope you don’t see this.