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    by  • June 19, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Nothing feels right without you… I see you in everything I do and I want to tell you every night what I did today. How could we just throw away 4 years like this? I miss everything about you. It’s your arms I want wrapped around me at night, it’s you I want to kiss me goodnight, and I want to see your text to know that you are home alright even after you just left my house. Is it that hard to see that I am still as in love with you as the moment I first laid my eyes on your perfect body?

    You were the first guy I ever loved and will ever love. You were the first guy I cried in front of. And it was you I told every little detail of my day. I didn’t care to tell my friends, in fact I didn’t care if I had any friends when I was with you, because you were all I needed and you were the only friend I wanted to confide in. You actually listened when I talked and you knew me inside and out. I can’t stand this life without you by my side.

    I’ll do whatever it takes for you to call me your girl again. I’d climb to the top of Mt. Everest in my bare feet if you would just come back. I want nothing more then for us to love each other. I know we were young but it was real. And with you I was home.

    ….. So text me and let me know that you made it home alright…please?

    it’s never not complicated

    by  • June 19, 2010 • 0 Comments

    …and i didn’t know that we’d somehow become complicated until you got back and it happened again. and the thing is i miss you, i miss the friend you who i talk to every day, about anything, comfortably and now i feel like a stranger, an intruder somehow.

    and the way that i reacted to news last week made me stop and re-examine how i feel, which i didn’t think was anything at all and i’m still pretending it’s nothing.

    it’s a horrible sense of possession, security, consistency that makes me think i want you and i’m trying to shrug it off because i don’t think these are legit feelings for you, but for the idea of you. and still, i have so little to focus on this summer and there you are and i hate myself for even a second of obsession.

    i’m glad i’m getting away for awhile and i hope i’ll have things figured out when i get back. in the meantime can we please return to the friendship we only recently started to lose?


    by  • June 19, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Why did you have to come into MY place, take away all MY friends, impress everybody I loved, when you didn’t need to?

    you don’t deserve it.

    you are scum.

    I hope you rot away into oblivion.

    And it’s not just all that. It’s the fact that you were FIRED but don’t feel the need to tell your new boss, and that you steal everything you lay your eyes on, but “don’t worry, this job is everything. I would never do it here.”

    yeah right.

    why must I put up with you kleptomania and shit disturbing? is EVERYTHING your business? do you need to be the centre of attention ALL the time?

    my parents told me not to talk to you anymore. it’s not working. they told me to tell you to put stuff back when you steal it. but i can’t.

    and that’s the worst part of all.

    Happy Father’s Day

    by  • June 19, 2010 • 1 Comment

    Today I greeted another man “Happy Father’s Day”. Those were words I never thought I’d ever say or mean again. But today, I realized, he was more of a father to me than you were in the past years.

    I can’t say you were never a good dad, because you were. When I was young and naive, you were the perfect dad and we had the perfect family.

    I wish I could find it in my heart to forgive you. Maybe in time I will. But for now, I guess I’ll just have to settle with wishing someone else “Happy Father’s Day”.


    by  • June 18, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Dear friend,

    You’re my best friend but lately you’ve been acting like you’re back in high school. Every time I’m with you, you’re texting and you pick up the phone when people call but if i need to talk to you, you are abiding by your friends wishes and give them all your attention. Your boyfriend called at 1 in the morning, and you picked up when you slept over at my house. Practice what you preach. I know I can get annoying, too. I know you gossip about me and complain to our mutual friends about my weaknesses. You’re human, I get it but I don’t do that. It all gets back to me and then I just smile and act like everything is fine. We’re going to spend all summer together. I hope we don’t grow apart. That will kill me inside. I pray we will be ok.


    by  • June 18, 2010 • 0 Comments

    After 4 years we finally had sex for the first time. I mean it’s not like either of us were virgins. But if I would have known you would walk away after we spent the night tangled in the sheets. I would have never gave you any satisfaction that night. One thing I want to know… the past 4 years, all the movies, walks, bowling, and hanging out almost every summer night; were they all just attempts to get me to sleep with you, or did you really love me like you claimed you did? Because I’d give anything to spend the rest of my life with you.