Lauren, thank you for your friendship. I wish that I shared the same feelings for you that you have for me. But the fact is, I don’t. This is a request, one that comes from somewhere inside me I never want to see again.
Leave me alone.
You are a fantastic friend, but I can’t put up the the grade school crush that is eating away at me. I need space. I need room to move. I need to meet other people. You need to meet other people. You can do better than me. I know this for a fact. The texts, the calls, the hugs, I am suffocating. I need you to back the hell off.
It feels so wrong to fall for you, when we’re over 800 miles away. Separate countries, but we still managed to find each other. I fell for you the very night I met you. We spoke for 3 hours about everything and nothing. You told me if I ever visited, you’d show me all the “southern gentleman” in Tennessee, and how different they were from the jerks I’d dated up here. What you’ll never know is that the only one I want is you.
You’re not the first man to call me beautiful, but you’re the first one to try to make me believe it. You know all my flaws, and instead of ignoring them you’ve tried to encourage me to fix what I don’t like. You’ve encouraged me in my lifestyle and career, and my time spent with you has been invaluable.
Is it wrong of me to hope you don’t find some pretty girl down there? That you choose to move up to Canada, and leave your family behind for me?
Is it wrong for me to want to leave my family and friends behind to move down there?
Every conversation makes our distance more painful. Every time I hear your voice or see you smile, I want to be right there with you. You once lectured me on the philosophy of Soulmates, and how mine was out there, looking for me too. I never told you why I started to cry then.
It’s because I’d never wanted something so badly, than for that soulmate to be you.
I know long distance will never work….so I will suck up the pain and just be content with the limit we have. And you’ll never know how much it hurts, because you’ll never read this.
Please be happy, Joe. That’s all I can ask of you.
I’ll always be a click away.
Sometimes when I see you standing there, holding his hand I repeat the words “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you” in my head as many times as I can. I don’t actually hate you, I just hate that I met the perfect man, and he told me I was perfect, too, and that it turns out I just reminded him of an ex-girlfriend.
It’s not your fault and I’m sure you are a nice person.
Every guy I have slept with has taken a tiny piece of me. A piece that I will never get back. Here I am left empty, realizing this false love which has consumed me. God will judge me for my sins, I fear that day and I fear the day where I won’t have a piece left for myself. I just want someone to love me. Love me for who I am. I hear you saying how beautiful I am.. But it never leaves an impression. Why do I crave this false love so much? The pieces of me are slowly disappearing, I can barely see my reflection.
Damn you. Geez, we dated for a year and half and you still didn’t know me. Finally I got up the courage to kick you to the kerb. You knew that talking about your ex upset me so you kept on doing it. I told you I wasn’t ready, though I wanted to be. It pissed me off that we couldn’t have a conversation and anything you were angry about was always my fault. And I still love you, and feel lost and alone without you. you supercilious bastard. So now you are happy screwing anything that moves. Well that’s fine by me.
Losing you was like losing a limb. The wound heals, the pain lessens, life goes on, but I’ll always know that something is missing. I’ll forever feel that phantom sensation, that burning deep inside, that longing for what once was and never will be again.