• You did tell me

    by  • September 13, 2010 • 0 Comments

    I remember that stupid gorilla suit you wore the night we met.

    I kissed you though the sweat and chuckles, and we were only two.

    If I could go back to the days before I knew you deeply, so I would feel no regret about the things I felt and said.

    I guess I don’t have a reason to be upset; we both agreed.

    You looked at me, right in the eyes, and said ‘One day, we’ll break each others’ hearts.’
    And again, we were only two.

    We fought, or I fought to keep you around. Though the reasons weren’t there, I tried as hard as I could, remembering all the time what you had told me.
    The day came that it happened.

    I’m still with my boyfriend, you know? And he really is better for me than you would ever be. He would never break my heart, nor I his. He gives what you have always lacked and loves without shame, something you could never give me.

    Remember the night you came to my house and apologized for all of this? And you told me everything I wanted to hear? It was too late by then, and its too late now. I am with another, and we are only two.

    But some days
    some nights
    some times
    I still wish it were you

    I just don’t get it.

    by  • September 13, 2010 • 1 Comment

    you say you love me beyond words

    you say you want to be with me forever

    yet you feel the need to break up with me to solve your life’s problems.

    i wish i could help you

    it’s out of my hands and i hate it

    hopefully you come to your senses soon

    i want to grow old with you
    don’t leave me behind

    Dear LOA4J

    by  • September 13, 2010 • 6 Comments

    Dear LOA4J,

    My heart aches as I read this but I know it is true.

    I want to write soooo much and I was going to call you this morning despite what repercussions there would be because I feel like I don’t understand why I still think about you so much and I need some closure. I’ve tried and tried and tried to forget you. I kick your name, your face out of my head on a daily basis. Why? Why do you remain in my heart and in my mind when we weren’t really even together? Of course I’m tearing right now for you know me.

    I am as sensitive as they come.

    I don’t want to hide anything from my husband either but I do everyday that I think about you in my mind. I love him even way more than I did four years ago. He’s a lot nicer and he’s changed. When I met you I despised him and you were an Angel who pulled me out of the depths of despair. Knowing all that…why then why does my heart ache knowing that you’ll never be able to be a part of my life? I have the same beliefs that you do and ever more so deeply than before. I pray to God all the time to help me figure out why I can’t forget you. I guess I don’t want to. I know we both have spouses and families and we both love our spouses and families. But…we have a connection that almost transcends the earthly. It is a connection that will never be broken. I guess we both have to live with that. And go on with our lives.

    I apologize for being weak in the flesh. I will have to fight this all the time. I never used to be like this until I met you. Not that it’s your fault. It’s just the connection that I feel in my heart that lights up even just knowing that you are out there somewhere. I wish there was a better solution than all or nothing. I hope you don’t mention this to your wife but if you do I’ll understand. Please just don’t involve my husband. I will answer to God on this one. My husband would not be so understanding and it would break his heart for me to talk about these feelings that I have for he knew way back when…that a part of my heart was taken by you. He wanted to be you for me. But you are two opposite human beings. I was feeling guilty about reaching out already yet it gave me some inner energy and life that I need! I’ll pray for you and your family as I have done all along. I’ll pray for myself to stop thinking about what it would have been like to experience a life with you:( God Bless!

    I really need a hug right now…

    One day

    by  • September 13, 2010 • 0 Comments

    I’m going to find you, one day. I’m going to tell you exactly what you did to me, and exactly how it has affected my life.

    I’m not going to hit you, though I want to, so desperately.

    Who the hell does stuff like that to a little girl? Why the hell didn’t I remember it until several years later? Why the hell do I have to continually relieve those experiences in my dreams?

    Who the fuck does that stuff to a little girl?

    One day, I’m going to find you. Unless you’re dead. Then I’m going to find your grave and spit on it, you monster.

    Shooting Star

    by  • September 13, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Sometimes I look up in the sky and ask God to show me a shooting star if you have been thinking of me.

    Guess what?

    It usually happens and that makes me smile.


    by  • September 13, 2010 • 1 Comment

    I have loved you since the first day I say you.

    I love everything about you.

    You are my best friend, the love of my life.

    I hope one day you will be mine.