You have waffled back and forth for years. Should you stay with a man who makes you unhappy or should you risk leaving him and possibly make your family unhappy?
Years. Years have been wasted in your own self-created purgatory. Opportunities to make yourself happier have vanished before your eyes.
You have have stood, toes curled, at the diving board of your future waiting for a push, waiting for the “right” moment to jump in. That moment will never come, Julie, not unless you create it. You need to jump. You need to trust that there are people waiting for you at the bottom, to catch you, to carry you, to help you.
I am one of them. I’ve been waiting with you and I’m tired. I want to see you happy. I want to see you fulfill your dreams. And it aint gonna happen at the top of that board.
You need to jump.
I’ll be right here.
hello friend. may i call you friend? best friend? more than a friend? what is this that we have here? you tell me.
as these days are passing by, it’s becoming more and more clear that we’re becoming closer only to be torn apart. this would happen to me. as the only little sliver of hope and light becomes visible and possibly obtainable, i can see it being pulled away from me. but maybe this sliver of light is a figment of my imagination to begin with, i mean you seem like the type who goes for what they’re after. efforts have been made, and things said, but nothing so substantial.
when i look in your eyes i can see this whole new world of intelligence and wonder that you are made up of. when i’m with you, you share this with me, as if waves and impulses from your brain are transferred into mine. these waves are the sliver of light that make me smile, and make me wonder about the world, sing a happy tune and laugh and cry for the same reason. i might just be head over heels, but i feel like between us and our thoughts and ideas, there’s some sort of connection and bond that links us. and i think you feel it too, as corny as this all seems.
but something makes me upset. i think you know that we have this and are overlooking it. you’re overlooking me. all around us are the typical, the people we swore we’d never be like. but you succumb and feed into the temptations of these girls, when what you are really looking for may be right in front of you.
so maybe, as the little sand that is left in the hour glass of our time runs out quickly, you will open up your eyes. the eyes that tell me stories, the eyes that i’ve admired, the eyes with the bumps underneath that have intrigued me for years now.
I’m not sure how to say the things I feel. even now I catch myself thinking about what to say next. I find myself thinking about what it is that you want to hear, but I never know. I’m not sure how to tell my friend that he’s a cheating dirt-bag and needs to just live with that fact. And I hate to get stared on my love life or lack there of, but it’s the biggest source of confusion that is marking up my life. I’ve been talking to some girl on the internet and she’s cute, I love her as a friend, but I know that she is head over heels for me. I know that I can’t return those feelings, but I’m scared to tell her this because I don’t want to hurt her. God forbid I’m even presented with any opportunity someone cute and nearer to me then the internet girl. I always pussy out when it comes to people, especially when it comes to people that I like. I know where to start to when getting to know someone you find common ground, but what am I supposed to ask, ‘Hey do you read comics?’, ‘Should I feel alone in my love of Deadpool?’ Or I could chatter like a monkey about some other dorky thing that I’ve taken to for the time. Negating my problems with even starting a conversation, I can never keep them going. I always feel like I’m saying the wrong thing and I start to think too hard about what I should say next. I’m even do it now. I never really felt that way with you, the only reason that I never gave you an answer was that it was inappropriate for the situation in which case ‘I’ll tell you later.’ really did come back up later. I just miss that feeling of trust and I guess I’m going to be looking for that for a little while longer so thanks for putting me on some sort of path… But know that I feel like I should rip out your FUCKING heart and feed it to the DOGS for what you did to me. For that much I can never forgive you, but know that I will always love you for what you gave me.
Why do you treat me the way you do? Why, when you know how much I love you and how much I’ve given you. Why am I constantly cast to the side over trivial things like video games and sitting around with your asshole of a best friend? Why won’t you love me like I love you?
I hate that we are so young and I am going off to college while you stay home and drink yourself happy. Why am I not enough to make you happy? The past year and a half I have tried so hard to make you appreciate me. I almost feel as if the only reason I’m still putting up with your bullshit is because I want to win for once. I want to finally prove to you and the world that you have no compassionate bone in your body. I want you to change so badly. I thought you had when we got back together. You were so different and we were so happy. Everyone could see that this time it was for real. Now, it’s all happening again.
Why is alcohol and company with non permanent friends more appealing than spending a night with me? I’ve asked you so many times to spend the last few weeks I have left with me. Not every day, but I hardly think I’m asking much.
I could have done so much better than this but I loved you and I thought you were different. I just can’t find it in myself to do anything about it. So I’ll keep sitting outside on the nights you chose to go out without me, when all my friends have gone home, and I’ll just cry. I’ll cry until I can’t anymore. Until my head is throbbing with pain. It’s alright though. I can hardly feel it anymore.
I stare at you across the room. Do I still love you? Am I just with you because you have my kids? I think a part of me will always love you because you are their mother. Some would say this doubt means I don’t, but what do they know about how complex my feelings are? But you hurt me babe… with your neglect, apathy, and your lack of desire. You don’t care about being sexy, or showing me that you want to be touched. My advances on you are met with discouragement and denials. My encouraging words are met with laughs and dismissal. How am I suppose to keep going like this?
I want to feel loved again. I’d practically take any women off the street at this point… to let me lay my head down on their lap so they could comb their fingers through my hair. When I kissed them, I could feel the sharp intake of breath. When I touched them I could feel their body press against mine wanting to wrap around me. And when my hands wandered, it was met with your own wanting even more. But you don’t do any of these things, nor have any interest. I’m tired of trying and talking to you about it. I think I know where to go from here.
I don’t think you understand just how amazing you are. We’re going into our 4th yr now and i must admit although we’ve had every class together you’ve only just caught my eye. I’m very particular about the guys that I date and the qualities that I want them to posses. Some how you seem to have it all. The looks, The personality, the swagger, the brains and everything else i can’t think of now. The big problem is that I think you’re into guys and not girls. I want to believe that all the times that I’ve caught you staring at me and when you make fun of me means that we’re more than just friends. I need a sign, something obvious. Please !
– Hopeless romantic