• Waiting

    by  • August 30, 2010 • 0 Comments

    I’ll never know what the right thing to do is.

    It’s like I’m living off hope. Hope that one day he’ll wake up and realise I’m worth it, that I won’t hurt him and would do anything to save him.

    I’m sitting here awake at 2:20am just hoping he’ll call me from his night out like he said he would but I can’t be sure. I sometimes feel like I can’t be sure of anything anymore.

    6 months of dating and the only thing I know is that he doesn’t want to lose me but he’s not ready ‘cos of him being so fucked up by her. Well I’m not her and I just feel like yelling give me a chance! Why should my first experience of love be as fucked up as his? I’m better than that and I’ll wait. Unfortunately I always will….until I’m sure either way.

    That does not mean I’m a doormat, and I hope he realises that. Just because I love you doesn’t mean I’m gunna be a mug for you.

    I’m a beaker.

    Personality VS. Looks

    by  • August 30, 2010 • 5 Comments

    Dear world, I’ll really never understand why anyone cares about how a person looks. I realize that it’s important to be healthy, but is it really necessary to be “the most beautiful person on this planet?” I honestly could date the most unattractive person in this world, if I was truly in love with their personality. Maybe it is because since I’m overweight that I realize that no one will ever love me for my looks, that I cherish the personality so much. I feel like I’m a good person. I care about others. I’m a good friend. I feel like I’m worthy of being loved but I just hate having to lower my standards because I feel like I’ll never be good enough for anyone. I’m currently losing weight now, and when I do, I won’t even pay the slightest bit of attention to the people that ignore me now. Even after I become healthier, the personality will still be the most important quality to me. I wish other people thought this way too…

    Hopeless Love

    by  • August 30, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Dear Hopeless Love,

    Although I try, and try- And try to forget you love.
    Why are you still such a part of me, love?
    I move on… But you’re always on my mind,
    in my thoughts, on my hopeless lists of wishes.
    It’s not that I couldn’t have had you at one point, love.
    It’s that things got complicated…
    And now you don’t respect who I am, love.
    I’ve made my mistakes, been hurt a time or two.
    But I bounce back, in hopes that’d I bounce back to you.
    Although I haven’t… The hope is still close to me.
    If you asked for my heart, you’d see it’s on my sleeve.
    The distance that’s spent between you and I is a journey, at least.
    Although you don’t want me, how do I tell my heart now to bleed?
    You will want me one day, you will realize my worth.
    Hopefully then, I’ll be gone. A self-confidence rebirth.

    friend

    by  • August 30, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Dear “Friend”

    I wish you were there when I really needed you. Like I was for you all those times in the past. I should have listened when my friends warned me about you, but I didn’t, because I trusted you. That’s all I ever asked from you, was trust and honesty. I held my part but you didn’t. We act like everything’s ok when we all know it really isn’t, I wish you would just talk about it instead of brushing it off like nothing happened. I went to you with a lot of my problems, and the only thing standing in our way is our friends. You and I both know that. I know ill never say any of this to you, because quite frankly you don’t care, but if you happen to come across this sometime in the near future I love you, and hope that someday it will be how it used to be.

    Who we were.

    by  • August 30, 2010 • 1 Comment

    I have always felt that I was perceived as little more than my appearance – that I was nothing but an object.

    You were different. You were my friend and that was something I valued. While I always felt that our friendship ran deeper than just that, for once I felt that a member of the opposite sex valued me more than the way I looked.

    You promised me your friendship going into this but the most you say to me is ‘when are we going to fuck’ and even then it’s during the wee hours of the morning. I shouldn’t (and now realize that I can’t) judge you today based on who I knew in high school.

    (I’ve missed many things in your life during the last two years and that is no one’s fault but my own.)

    Certainly we all change… and you certainly have.

    I don’t know you anymore.

    I won’t judge the boy I knew when we were seventeen. For myself I have to believe that at one point I mattered in some way to you – that you cared about my thoughts and ideas just as much as you cared about how I looked. He was the person that I trusted with so much when I trust so few. I have to believe that the person I once knew would never make me feel the way that I do now.

    I’m sorry to say this in a letter, but it is, nevertheless, an explanation (and perhaps more than you deserve from me).

    I’m not disposable. I hope you never make another woman feel like she is.

    I think I’ll always miss you.

    I love you.

    Me

    Be well my love

    by  • August 30, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Dear Unrequited Love,

    As you leave on your journey, my heart is breaking.

    I want to just forget about you, put you in a place where the rest of my friends reside instead of the massive corner of my heart and brain that you and no other have ever occupied.

    I open my heart to you and get no response and then feel like an idiot for having done so.

    This is why I must let you go.

    You see me as only a friend, and I am of no consequence to you, especially when you have a woman in your life. That is not fair to me, and I must protect my heart.

    My spouse had an “incident” with a woman, and it didn’t make me angry, sad or jealous.

    Your online relationship with a woman and your journey to meet her makes me cry anytime I think about it. No one else but me deserves you and my spouse doesn’t deserve me.

    I accept this life as the one I was chosen to perform in. Rewriting the script is not possible for the past, but it is possible for the future.

    I am sorry, but my heart has no choice but to write you out of my life’s story. I see you as a leading role and you see yourself as nothing more than an extra. Perhaps someday you will return, but for now, I must move on. I must let you go.

    I will love you always.

    Be well, be happy, be in love.