• one day

    by  • September 10, 2010 • 0 Comments

    It felt so real but then again I could be wrong
    Just tell me when will I be okay? When will I heal? How Long?
    Maybe one day you can see your mistake,
    But will that ever happen? How long will it take?
    I’ll sit here alone and think to myself,
    I’ll try not to let you completely harm my health.


    most at night

    by  • September 10, 2010 • 0 Comments

    It tends to hit me the most at night.
    I know that is because this is when we talked most.
    Yes, yes, we talked all the time, but there is something about hearing your voice next to me at night.
    You made me feel safe, like nothing mattered,
    We both said this would never change.
    You said forever and I always agreed;
    The smile in your voice made me feel like no other,
    I can’t imagine how you can so easily walk out of my life.
    After everything you said, was it all a lie?

    I sit here alone, like I do every night.
    I go over and over in my head how we both managed to get here.
    I think about how easy it was for you to walk away.
    How can you not be thinking about me?
    Why do I feel like I am completely alone in this venture?
    It kills me that after so many years you decided to just walk away.

    With no explanation you walked out of my life.
    I wish I had the strength to tell you exactly how I feel,
    I wish I had someone to talk to other than my friends.
    With all my problems I came to you,
    Now that you’re gone I have no idea what to do.
    I don’t want someone to just tell me it will take time to heal,
    We both know this is something much more than that.

    our storybook romance kills me every day…

    by  • September 10, 2010 • 2 Comments

    When I first saw you, on my first day,

    Time slowed down,

    your sandy hair flowed like smoke as you bounced past me, you were the most intoxicating thing I had ever seen.

    I was scared to death of you.

    and I should have been…

    You were perfect. We were perfect…

    8 years, 200 miles, and some unmeasurable amount of regret later, I still love you, and i fear i always will.


    by  • September 10, 2010 • 7 Comments

    i have no reason to be sad.

    i have a great life, great family, great friends. school comes easily. on the outside i’m a normal kid. i seem happy.

    but i’m not happy.

    maybe it’s just not enough, maybe i’ll never be content. all i know is i don’t want to live. i find the world meaningless. i feel like i want to scream.

    but i just keep on smiling and let everyone pretend i’m ok. but i know i’m not. i think about taking that one final step, but i can’t do that to them, leave them blaming there-selves for my problems. and yet i can’t get it out of my mind, how easily i could make it for myself. every day i get closer and closer to the edge. i stare down hoping someone will pull me back.

    if only they could see how close i was.

    I’m irritated

    by  • September 10, 2010 • 1 Comment

    I have written 2 letters to be posted here and they have never been published. Why do I bother writing here?


    by  • September 10, 2010 • 2 Comments

    Dear You,

    So it’s almost been a month since we’ve been broken up.

    Whoever said it gets easier as time goes on lied majorly.
    It just gets a little more numb as time goes on.

    You said you want us to get back together yet besides the one email you sent you still haven’t showed me that you do. Sometimes I think it was just pretty little words to try and make it easier on both of us. You want me to go out and flirt and party and live my life, well did you ever think that I really loved you and that I can’t go back to things like that just yet and that it’s going to take time? Or that maybe, just maybe I was happy living my life with you by my side?

    We’re so different yet so similar and it’s scary to find someone like that. Sometimes I feel like we both should have fought harder and that this was the biggest mistake that could have happened. I don’t think it was wrong, though. I feel like this needed to happen so that maybe we can grow from this.

    It doesn’t make things any easier though, it’s still the pain and heart ache that come with it. You have no idea how many times I’ve cried myself to sleep, or just broken down and cried period. I put my brave face on and smile for the rest of the world and let them know that nothing can break me, or at least that’s what everyone things.

    At the end of the night I wish I could have my rock back, my best friend, and my love. Maybe if we do get back together this will make us stronger, maybe if we don’t get back together we can be friends again like we promised.

    The thing is I know I have anger towards you and I want to hate you but I’m not as mad as some people would think. You also have no idea that pressure I’m getting from people over still asking about “us” or are we back together or when will it happen. I’ll never tell you though because I’m trying to shelter you from it, why, I really don’t know but I am. I don’t want you to have to deal with what I’m dealing. I want you to move on with your life with or without me and when the time comes to give me back my ring and let me know what your choice is.

    I told you I wouldn’t be mad if you said it’s done for good and I really do mean that. But no matter what happens I’ll always love, I’ll always want you to be happy, and you’ll always be a part of me.

    Love forever and always,