• you oblivious fuck

    by  • September 19, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Are you not aware of the way you make me feel? You don’t get it.

    Those days you ignore me, I have to resist the impulse to cry. To you, nothings even happened. When I asked why you were being so mean, your response was, “when?”

    I wish I could tell you how it makes me feel but I know it would ruin everything. When I attempt to tell you how you make me feel, you make me feel stupid and I lie. I don’t understand how could have you said these things and told me how you make me feel.. and then to be so insensitive

    Maybe it’s just me. I’m being over-emotional. Sure, seems like a great idea to blame myself when I’m already down from you being a bitch.

    I just want things to go back to the way they were. When you would text me, “i miss you” at random times and without realizing it brighten my day.

    What did I do? What changed? I need you to talk to me again


    by  • September 19, 2010 • 0 Comments


    I really wanted to hold your hand today. I had to stop myself from instinctively reaching over and holding it.

    Don’t worry though… I won’t ever cross that boundary, I know you don’t want that.


    Today would have been our 2 months…

    by  • September 19, 2010 • 1 Comment


    We met at the most random time in my favourite place in town. I didn’t think much of the first time I saw you, or when TJ first introduced us. I was pretty shy and didn’t say much to you even though I wanted to, I was even too shy to look at you! I remember how everyday after we first met, I looked for you every time I biked past the skatepark. I wondered where you were when you weren’t there, because you always seemed to be there, skating with Kev.

    When I saw you there I’d make an excuse to stop there for a bit and watch you, and maybe say hi.

    I smile every time I think of the first day we actually chilled. I was at the skate with my guy friends and you were there too. I didn’t really think you were interested in me at all, but boy was I into you! We talked a little more that day, I really wish we could relive it. I took my shoes off for a bit and you stole them and tied them together, and “fixed” my torn lace. After we got tired of skating we all went back to your apartment and ate pizza and watched a movie. It was probably one of the best days of my summer, and hopefully it was yours too. You told me a while ago that you remember that day as well.

    We were only together 6 weeks, but in that time you made me so happy. I loved how we’d hang out and do basically nothing, just sit at the park on the swings and smile at each other. I love everything about you, your hair, your smile, your laugh. I think about you everyday.

    I miss you so much.

    I miss napping with you in your apartment on hot afternoons. I miss going for long walks and talking about random things. I miss how we’d talk about what we’d do after I came back from vacation and you moved back. But that didn’t happen. I miss your kisses and hugs. Fuck I miss you! I even miss all the little kids teasing me about you when we weren’t near each other.

    I really wish you didn’t have to move back to NL, and that you didn’t wimp out on our long distance relationship so soon… We could have done fine. I felt the same way as you, but I didn’t EVER think of breaking up just because you were across the country. I know it’s was hard since you worked all the time, and you were 3.5hrs ahead of me. I didn’t have a problem that you wanted to hang out with your friends, and that you didn’t text me back every single time. It sucked that your internet was slow and didn’t connect on the days we wanted to skype, but still that shouldn’t have been a reason for you to leave.

    Hopefully you still like me as much as I like you, and I hope that you’ll text me and we can continue our friendship. Honestly you are the nicest guy I know, and hopefully (sooner rather than later) we can continue the relationship we had. But I’m sort of doubting your commitment.


    “I hate you.”

    by  • September 19, 2010 • 0 Comments

    You looked me straight in the face and said those exact words.

    Not because you mean them, but because you hate that I know what you won’t face. I know she doesn’t make you happy, but you won’t leave her. She’s disgusting and is mean to everyone. She uses you for anything she can get her hands on, even your own mother dislikes her. I wish you could see what every other person sees. I wish you would get rid of her. She doesn’t deserve you, and you know it. You are so much better than her. You know I could ruin everything for you in a split second, but you know I love you way too much to do that.

    You told me the night before last that you’re only with her so that you’re not alone. How could you possibly be alone when you know I’m here? And last night you had the nerve to lie to my face. You may hate me because I know you inside and out, but I hate you because you’re a liar. A liar, and a pessimist. You don’t care about anything but yourself. You get what you want and expect it to be perfect all the time. You blow everything off and never do anything for yourself. You expect everything to fall into your lap.

    I can’t trust you, but for some reason I will still spill my guts out to you, acting like you actually care. I tell you what I feel, even though I know it means nothing to you. You were the only one that I told to their face that I tried to kill myself on several occasions, and you were the only one to hug me. You’re the only one I’ve ever loved with my entire heart, and you’re the only one that has thrown it away.

    I want to hate you and throw you out of my life with no regrets, but I know we’ll always find a way back into each other’s life. It’s inevitable. It happens whether we want it to or not. I want to not love you anymore, but I can’t just stop. It’s a constant back and forth thing in my mind. I want to hate you, because of everything you’ve put me through, but I just can’t. Something inside of me won’t let me hate you.


    You Left Me For A Zombie Take II

    by  • September 19, 2010 • 0 Comments

    I once had a vacuum salesman tell me that when you get rid of a mattress it weighs ten pounds more than it did when you bought it. Something about skin particles.

    I’ve washed my sheets, my pillows…everything. It smells like you still. That strange, musky, manley, clean, unwashed hippy smell that I could never mistake. Your skin cells are still living in my mattress just like your number is still living in my phone even though I tell myself that I’ll never call you.

    Someday I’ll get a new phone, and a new mattress, but you’ll always be there in a way. Stinking up my belongings with your clean dirtiness.


    by  • September 19, 2010 • 3 Comments

    My Dearest Sweetheart,

    Secretly, I’m in love with you.
    Utterly and completely head over heels.

    My face lights up with a smile when my phone says it’s you coming to call. And I don’t feel this way with anyone else.

    I can never tell you how I feel, though no matter how many times I want to just hold you for hours and hours. A part of me hopes that you will read this, and think of me, but I know you won’t. You’re the first I want to see you when I have a bad dream, or something goes wrong.

    You’re my best friend, but I will keep this secret for as long as I live. I’m in love with you, and there are times I wish you knew…

    With all my heart,