Dad, you probably will never realize that you chose a favorite over me. Whereas I was your child of a divorce and he was your child in a current marriage, we were never treated the same. When he was encouraged to keep trying at band and school, I was told I had to start working to support myself. Going further in life, where he picked up more hours practicing his trade, I picked up more hours on the job to afford being independent. We are both your children. You had a hand in making us. To this day you probably don’t realize what you have done to alienate me from our family. Even now, despite the lack of encouragement or support, I have risen up and done well for myself. Supported myself through college and am about to be the first of your children to graduate from college. Not to my surprise, there is no encouragement given.
I am happy. Very happy. She is everything that I need to be happy. She calls all the time when she isn’t around me or she texts. She WANTS to be around me while you never did. She loves me. And shows it. She is so amazing and treats me in the best way possible.
Still i miss you. I miss the old times. I miss your hugs. I miss your smell and how it makes me feel. I miss everything. You are constantly on my mind. I honestly think that my path will lead right back to you in the future and I hope when that day comes you will welcome me with open arms because I’ll always love you.
You will forever be my beautiful girl. I’m so sorry it has to be this way but I do love you very much.
Thank you for everything. You’re my best friend. Be happy. That’s all I want.
I know you don’t want to be like this. It wasn’t your fault. It’s hers, I know. But please, don’t take it out on me and him. Sometimes I’m afraid of you and i I just want to run away. Far away and never look back. But I know that’s not really you. On your good days, I can see what a great mom you are. When your bad days come, I try to understand that she did this to you. That it’s all you know. But that’s no excuse to treat your own kids like she treated you. I tell myself everyday I won’t be like Grandma, or you. I know you really try though. To be the best mom you can be. But sometimes you just forget who we are, and you show a side of yourself that hurts us so much more than you know.
I know you try, I really do.
Just remember we’re all suffering when you’re just like her.
We met at the laundromat. When I told you I was an actor, you told me about a screenplay you wrote. I was uncomfortable, you were a strange old man, and I could have been nicer to you. Two years later, I saw you trying to walk down the street, a monstrous shade of your former self. The accident crippled you, you were hunched over to the side, you’d gained so much weight, and your face was red from the pain of moving. Every step got you a couple inches further, and you had so far to go. I should have helped you. We met eyes for a moment. Your eyes pleaded with me for help, but I didn’t catch it. I just smirked and hopped in my car and drove away. I should have helped you.
But I didn’t.
Because I’m a bad person.
You showed me something nobody else could. You showed me what a real man is. You were everything I was looking for, but I only had you for a short time. In our distance, I still find myself thinking of you more than I really should. I know you don’t think about me, but something inside me wants to believe you still do. They day I left the place we met I knew you changed me somehow. I barely knew you at the time, but you showed me that life has unexpected, spur-of-the-moment twists that give you hope that miracles can happen. You were my miracle. You came into my life and just the right time, even though you left at the wrong time. I feel stupid for still having feelings for you. But I don’t know how to make a feeling stop
Thank you for helping me deal with myself. I wish I could really tell you everything. My feelings, my love, my devotion, my commitment, but you would never listen. And I tried, remember? That went well…sorry. I have realized as I go through this recent change in my life, I miss you more and more.
When I come home, introduce me to your boyfriend. I’ll be nice, I promise. I am happy if you are.