• Sitting forlorn on the Sidewalk

    by  • September 14, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Are you okay?

    I ask because I know I heard and saw you sitting there crying to yourself. Your state of mind didn’t matter, maybe you could only show your raw feelings when you think you’re alone.

    Sometimes I’ll ask you what’s wrong, you’ll say “Nothing, thank you” And you move along, embarrassed that some stranger noticed.

    Sometimes I’ll say nothing, leaving you to yourself, hating myself for not being able to help.

    I’m sorry for what happened. I’d give you a hug, but don’t know if you want that.

    Please feel better, remember that even strangers care. Remember you don’t have to always be the strongest.

    Try to smile, if only out of amusement at the situation, it’ll go a long way.


    by  • September 14, 2010 • 3 Comments

    You were one of the most beautiful people I had ever met.

    Your soul was so pure, and I was so glad to have someone in my life that still had the childlike ability to be genuinely excited about things. You were invincible until I came along. I pushed for information and tried to control your destiny and make your choices for you when I couldn’t even make my own.

    I watched your smile get smaller as time went on. All the things you believed were turned around and thrown in your face, and I’m sorry for that. I treated you like I treated myself: like an adult, a person who knew about all of the bad things that go on the world.

    I broke your heart. I heard it from everyone. You didn’t deserve that, but seeing how you are now makes me believe that you are a much stronger person because of it.

    I’d never take you back, but you’d never ask for me to either. You don’t need me anymore.

    Friendship and Church now over

    by  • September 14, 2010 • 0 Comments

    I used to think you were my soul sister, now I realize you are just another puppet like the rest of them.

    I feel better living a true life now, than I ever did being LDS. I am never in denial like you are. I do miss things about it, but I would rather have this life, this authentic real life than any fake life I had before. I gave so much to the church, my life, my faith, my youth, and for what? I would not trade those experiences for anything but I wish my life would have been different. And my Mom has chosen the church over her family, her children, she thinks God will be ok with that, but I feel differently.

    Everyone I ever really loved has abandoned me because of a freaking church. They don’t even give me a chance. It’s either you are in the church or you are OUT.

    All I can say is I feel closer to God than I ever did and he answers my prayers pretty quickly and I feel his love more profoundly than ever. I never had that in the church. And I strived for it every day!

    love, addiction, break up.

    by  • September 14, 2010 • 0 Comments

    I´m an addict.

    I´m addicted to you, and even now, that you hurt me I can´t stop my craving, my need. And I walk around you, and I beg for a bit of attention, and I hate myself. I can´t break up, and I hurt every time I think you could go, but I´m like a plant without water. I die. I´m dead.

    It´s my only way out.

    Good bye, my husband.


    by  • September 14, 2010 • 0 Comments

    The air is crisp now. So thin you can smell the leaves turn. Time for warm things. Soft things. Things that make your insides smile.

    A cup of soup in a flannel blanket, a baked potato or two to share.
    The scent of spices thick in the kitchen; paprika, chili, curry.
    Anything to keep us cozy, to heat our hearts.
    A sweater to walk down the street in.
    Having to finally retire your flip-flops.
    The awful sweeps-week television programming.

    These are all the things I fucking loved, but then I experienced them with you.

    You Make My Heart Ache

    by  • September 14, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Every night we sleep in the same bed. I’m afriad for the day when I have to sleep alone.

    We spend all this time together, but you keep hinting at how we’re “just friends.” Just so you know-your eyes say something different. Are you disguising your feelings much in the same way I am? My heart aches from wanting so badly to be with you. To be with you as a couple, not just as best friends.

    You know, I could be okay with remaining best friends. But if you ever so much as hinted at the fact that you’d like to date me, I’m afraid I’d say “yes” right on the spot. I just hope you know that.

    Will you please ask me out?