• You were my first

    by  • September 26, 2010 • 0 Comments

    There was a time in my life when I was convinced that my first would be my last. I was young, maybe five or six, as all children are when they first learn about fairy tales. I’d meet that one person who would sweep me off my feet, and I’d never meet anyone after that one person who would make me feel as complete.

    Then I grew up. My parents got divorced. I became jaded, all before I met you. I knew I’d meet one person after another, and none of them would make me happy. None of them would pick me up and kiss me with passion, would make me any more of a princess than I already was, or would complete me. I had to do that all on my own.

    And then I met you.

    You were the one who made me believe in fairy tales again. You were the one made me believe in ‘happily ever after’ again. You taught me what real love felt like, what it smelled like, how it looked in the morning, tucked under Carebear sheets with it’s mouth open just enough to where it could breathe gently, in and out. You taught me how love looked when it cried, and what it sounded like when it was high on nothing but what it could share with another person. You taught me what love looked like after it went to sleep with it’s makeup still on, and how, even when it cried and it’s mascara ran, it was still the most beautiful thing I’d ever see. Love was totally personified in you. I loved you more than I ever thought I was capable of loving another person.

    When we made love for the first time, I swear it was the greatest moment of my relatively short life. It made me believe in miracles again. I wanted to marry you. I wanted to be with you an no one else for the rest of my life. I knew that no one would ever complete me the way you did.

    I was right, in a matter of speaking. I’ve yet to meet anyone who filled me with so much passion. Who made me see the world in a different way. Who taught me what real love felt like.

    You were my first, but you won’t be my last. I’m a better person for skipping school to be with you, for sneaking you into my room while my parents were gone so we could leave the door closed.

    I’ll always love you, just in a different way. I’ll always be grateful to you, because after I met you, I’ll never be the same person who never believed in a¬†forever kind of love.

    It’s all irrelevant…

    by  • September 26, 2010 • 0 Comments

    -This sky so full of stars just waiting to be wished upon

    -The wind that blows the smell of his hair upon her face

    and for a moment, she’s back in his arms

    -The clock that’s ticking on, hands turning, days winding

    -The nights when she lie there in the cold that used to

    be warmed by his flesh

    -The color red that burns her face when she remembers

    -The questions she’s asked everyday of what became

    of the smile she used to bare

    -The song that always finds it’s way in when memories

    start to wane

    -That tear that waits upon her lid to fall

    when she just can’t take anymore

    -The hello she fears to speak, terrified of the outcome

    -The reasons she knows he’s too good for her and always was

    -The rekindled love for wanting to share the music in her heart

    -The fact that he may never hear it

    -Missing things that none will ever understand

    but when she remembers she can’t help but smile

    -Wishing she had the power to fix what’s broken

    if it were permissible

    -Inside jokes that when she laughs so hard she cries

    -Sleepless nights, curled up in a blanket looking out the window

    awaiting his return

    -Stupid girl… don’t you know it matters not? It’s all irrelevant. So as you waste your life away in love and alone, just know that the world waits for no one, and you are no acception to the rule. Sometimes angels fall, and it’s okay to cry and let yourself feel the pain. Wishes are for dreamers, and love is for the foolish. Do you really want to be remembered as the one who risked it all, only to be the cause of your own downfall. Yes falling in love is easy…it’s getting back up that’s impossible…..

    well I know it’s over

    by  • September 25, 2010 • 0 Comments

    I saw you today as you came around to pick up the last of your stuff. I was looking at you to see if I felt anything for you anymore. I was checking you out, remembering the times when I used to grab your ass, put my arm around your waist, kiss your neck… just show you affection. I tried to put myself in that place again and whilst I really really miss that I have lost a good friend, I can honestly say that when I look at you, I don’t miss the hurt that you inflicted upon me.

    A small part of me misses your touch, your kiss, YOU in general. You looked at me and I saw nothing in your eyes. I can see that you don’t have ANY feelings for me anymore. I really don’t think I have for you either, I just miss the old times when it was fantastic. I am ready to move on, I AM moving on. Now I can move on because I don’t have to see your stuff around me anymore. NICE!!!

    When I catch up with our mutual friends, that does put me in a bit of a downer because I find out what you are doing. One part of me misses that you are not doing ‘things’ with me, but really, it’s just the past that I’m hanging onto.. it’s not reality. Reality is that I deserve someone better than you. Reality is that I respect myself more than go throuh that again. The difference is that I can completely give my love to someone; something that you are unable to do. You are emotionally unavailable. You will fuck other women, you might even form some sort of a relationship (but it won’t last because you will always walk away).

    I know that in the end I will be the emotional winner. I am working on myself to better myself and I will rise from the ashes. I have already put out the flames, the embers are barely alive anymore.. I will move forward and find someone, when the timing is right who I deserve.

    Good luck to you S, maybe (MAYBE) one day we might be friends again, but the moment it won’t be the case.


    I wish she could know, but she can’t.

    by  • September 25, 2010 • 0 Comments

    It’s been 5 months now. When I met her she was nothing but a face. A minor, little person whom roamed the Earth not knowing who I was or vice versa. Then one day, she came into my life and turned it upside down. All it took were a few words. We started talking, and it escalated. Although it will never turn into something, I wish she could know the extent of my love and affection.

    At first, she didn’t have a boyfriend. Just a lost “love” that she couldn’t let go. She didn’t, and now they are together again. Not for the better however. He is a great guy, just not what she needs. What she needs is someone to be there for her, to cherish her, hold her, love her. Tell her she is perfect, even when she feels she is not. I know I can not give her everything she needs, but all this guy does is take, and take, and she is left with nothing for her.

    I listen to endless phone calls about him doing something wrong, and her crying and asking why he has to be like that yet she goes back for more every time. Why? I will never know. I listen, and help her countless times and she thanks me and says she loves me, I just wish she wouldn’t use those words lightly. So we go on, and I hold on to it because it’s what I do. I never ask her for anything, but she continues to ask for more.

    I give her what she needs because I know she’s been there, but I know that I can handle it better then she can. It’s taken 11 years of things piling up for me to get to a point where I need to talk or get it off my chest, and here I am at Letters Ill Never Send.

    I love this girl, I honestly do. However, it is very unfortunate but she does not feel the same, it may seem so at times but that is not the case. It breaks me because I gave up the last 2 girls I cared about, and I swore I wouldn’t do the same here. I think I might have given her away, away to someone who doesn’t deserve her.

    SJH, I love you and I always will.


    Dear B

    by  • September 25, 2010 • 0 Comments

    So you came over as a friend and left as my boyfriend =)

    We both wanted to watch “Braveheart” and so you came up to my dorm room and we watched it.

    You stole my pillow, and my shoe, and eventually my comforter that I held instead of the pillow.

    You pulled me over and I fell on your shoulder.

    You put your head on my arm since you threw both my pillows on the floor.

    You put your arm around me and I started freaking out, but in a good way.

    I turn to face you and you kiss me. I just want you to know I am not the girl who says I love you right away so don’t expect it for a long time.

    Sex is alright, just don’t make it all about sex.


    Me =)


    by  • September 25, 2010 • 0 Comments

    I just wrote my letter and then deleted it.

    I felt like I would be cheating myself if I just left the website without writing anything,

    I just can send it yet.

    Even if it’s to a stranger.