• Great. I get to see your fat face today. Wonderful.

    by  • June 28, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Yeah, and I get that “fat” might be a derogatory term but it’s more that I don’t like your face, not that I don’t like fat.  I love fats of all kinds.  I love faces of all kind.  But I don’t like YOUR face.  Your FAT face.

    I get to see you this morning and I’ll have to pretend to be nice to you.  I’ll put on my most placid smile and say, “Good morning.”  Inside I will be thinking, “I would like to punch you in your FAT FACE.

    Can’t wait to see you.

    Please?

    by  • June 28, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Dear life,

    Why do you have to be so complicated? Why do relationships have to be so hard? Can’t you lighten up, just for a little while? I would really appreciate it.

    Thanks.

    Stop Being Mean

    by  • June 27, 2010 • 1 Comment

    I’m at my wits end trying to figure out why so much negativity is constantly emanating from you. I know it’s not possible to be happy all the time, and we do appreciate the times when you are. But generally speaking every other word out of your mouth is an insult directed at one of your brothers or sisters. I am so frustrated I don’t even know where to begin. But it doesn’t stop there. When I talk to you and try to give you guidance, your response is that you wish I would divorce your stepmother. Now, to cap everything off, you’ve gone beyond the bounds and vandalized your stepsister’s car. What did any of us do to deserve such hatred? How come you never give it a rest? Right when I start to think we’ve turned a corner, you’re at it again. I seriously don’t want to send another hateful person out into the world. Prisons are full of them already. Not from my house. You need to understand that your hateful words and actions are not acceptable. We’re all together in this, we’re all bound by the same rules. This universe runs on love. All I try to show you is love. I won’t tolerate hate in my house. Attention to anyone who thinks it’s cool to be mean: things are going to become considerably UN-cool for you unless you straighten out RIGHT NOW.

    How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways…

    by  • June 27, 2010 • 0 Comments

    I will write this down because the alternative of telling these things to your face would ultimately leave me searching for a new job.

    JUST BECAUSE you are related to the boss doesn’t give you the right to treat others like you are superior to them.  Especially when reality is quite the opposite.

    You are a fully grown, AARP-eligible “healthy'” adult.  Yes, I used quotes on the word healthy.  You are physically healthy.  You are strong as an ox and built for hard labor.  HOWEVER, you are mentally very UNhealthy.  You are laden with addiction: pills, booze, shopping, lies.  How fucked up can the AA system be when they allow you to speak to newcomers and act as their inspiration?  The only inspiration you provide to those around you is the inspriration to find a new job…or daydream of ways that you would exit this planet.

    You suck the life out of a room.  You steal everybody else’s thunder with your grandiose stories of what you  have accomplished (which, by the way, is nothing, nothing and more of nothing).  Your consistent patting of yourself on the back will result in a repetitive stress injury and your loud clothes and Phyllis Diller hair are indicators of the crazy within.

    The ONE time I confronted you about your behavior your confident swagger broke down to adolescent sobs.  I guess if you cry loud enough you distract people from the real issue (your behavior).  Well, you can’t distract me.  I see you all the way through.  I know that when you have a “break-down” it means that you need more money.  LOTS of money. Maybe your parent can’t see it…but I can.

    The people around you can also see your pathetic little efforts.  On a daily basis we roll our eyes at your attempt at becoming successful.

    Walk away with this knowledge…you HAVE become successful.  You have become EXTREMELY successful at being a TOTAL FUCKING MORON.

    Self-Destruction…

    by  • June 26, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Dear J,

    We have been friends since we were literally in diapers. However I have to be honest. I screen my phone calls, and I dread answering YOURS.

    I have watched you since high school – sleeping around with everyone (and everyone talked about it behind your back). You got pregnant, lost your baby – then immediatly got preggo again. No one, NO ONE believes you didn’t intentionally get preggo the second time.

    We all thought that maybe your self esteem was super low and you needing someone to love you unconditionally (I guess you didn’t see that WE all did). Your family seems to be intact and wonderful – we couldn’t figure out any other reasons for your behavior.

    As each of us got married after graduation – you attended and participated in our weddings. In my wedding album – you stand beside me as my maid of honor. With the tightest, most painful and JEALOUS smile. Why couldnt you be happy for me on my special day? Because you thought it should be you. You finally admitted this to me after numerous people said something. You felt that you had the baby first so you should have been married first. I was shocked as it really seemed you CHOSE to have the baby before marriage.

    Then it was one story after another. You would date all of my ex boyfriends (did you not realize there was a good reason for them being   X’s???) and then come up with these wild stories about them.

    You told me you slept with brandon for 6 hours and had a giant smile on your face. Bragging to me in church. However you turned around the next week and claimed you were RAPED for hours….which was it???

    The next guy you dated you also supposedly were raped by. And then the next and so on.

    You know that I in fact, was raped so why did you belittle my experience with your FAKE stories?

    Finally, after having another baby with another man who felt trapped (and likely was), you found a guy to marry.

    I stood in your wedding – only because I felt like I had to since you did mine. I really did want you to be happy but I knew you wouldn’t be because you had settled. There was NOTHING about this man that fits you. NOTHING.

    Sure enough – you called me several weeks in to tell me that, *gasp* “He has an eating problem and I can’t stand it.” The man is 350lbs….NO SHIT he has an eating disorder!

    Now we are in the drama of divorce, and while I do still love you as my friend, I simply cannot handle the drama anymore. I hate talking to you. I have so much going on in my own life that I just dont have the time, stamina etc needed to listen to your constant “poor me’s”

    So please, next time you are raped, lied to, find out your spouse has an eating disorder etc., please….call someone else. Someone who has the time patience etc to handle it. In fact, CALL A THERAPIST.

    My apology may not change your life.

    by  • June 26, 2010 • 0 Comments

    And it may not change mine.

    I look back at myself during my teens and twenties with such shame.  My aim wasn’t to be a better person, it was simply to ‘get away with it’.  My focus was not to get caught in my lies and to skim the surfaces of my relationships so that nobody would look too closely and see the real me.

    I hold a lot of disgust for myself during those times.  I don’t want to give my behavior any excuses.  It was inexcusable.

    Since that time I have experienced my own share of people lying to my face as smoke blows from their mouth, breaking sacred promises  made before God and family and treating me as less important than the dog they kick out of their way.

    Those moments have given me a greater understanding of the hurt I’ve caused to you.  I was thoughtless…and even when caught in my lies I couldn’t bear to tell you the truth.  My mask was more important to uphold than your truth.

    I hope I have grown into a better person.  I know I have a lot of growing up to do still, which seems odd given my age.

    Please know that I deeply apologize for all of my shit.  I did learn.  But it took a while.