• Another week?!

    by  • June 11, 2010 • 0 Comments

    You think I’m cute. I think you’re cute. We have the same opinions on the things that matter. We are both unsatisfied. I thought all guys were basically ready to go at all times, so what gives? Why do you want to make a girl wait? Too much suspense is a disgraceful thing, dear boy.

    Clear Your Mind

    by  • June 11, 2010 • 1 Comment

    Yesterday my brain was racing. It felt like it was out of control! Thoughts kept coming, one after the other, piling up and competing for attention. Not a pleasant sensation. How could I be effective without focus? I went into the kitchen and started to do the dishes. Another thought then came across, only this time sort of like a voice suggesting that I quiet my mind. So I tried it, and it worked! My awareness was reduced to the dishes, and my calm breathing. What a revelation! Intentionally letting those thoughts go felt like such a relief. Each breath was like a wave of calm, and suddenly doing the dishes became a calming and somewhat pleasant activity. After that I was able to focus and get a few other things done. There was no more frenzy up there, no stray worries. I am going to try and do this every day!!!

    I am so tired I could just-zzzzzzz…

    by  • June 10, 2010 • 1 Comment

    Dear subconcious,

    Could you lay off of the dreams tonight? Can I FINALLY get a full nights sleep without waking in the middle of the night gasping for breath?

    I have not had a full, intrupted, good 8 hours in over a month. Do you know what it is like to go to sleep, and be afraid of the unpredictability of your OWN mind?

    Last night, I had one of the happiest dreams of my life. It was about this girl… a random girl with no face, who I fell in love with. I woke up, thought about my dream, realized it was a dream, and cried because I knew that I would never see my soul mate again.

    Two nights ago, I dreamed that my mother forced me to kill all of my pets… I woke up with the pillow damp, sore eyes, and tears STREAMING down my face. I cried for an hour… at four in the morning… and then had to get up two hours later.

    THREE nights ago, I was in an empty circus tent… or at least I THOUGHT it was empty. In my dream, a clown was chasing me with a butcher knife, but I wasn’t afraid of him. As soon as that butcher knife turned into free tickets for the show though, I ran like HELL.

    These dreams are so confusing… I just don’t know what to think anymore. I am afraid to go to sleep because I REALLY do not want to dream. It is really getting to me, and I don’t know what to do about it!

    Well… off to sleep… wish me luck.

    Love…unconditional

    by  • June 10, 2010 • 0 Comments

    I love you.

    I am part of you.

    We are together and I finally “get it”.

    All of those years wasted on men that I thought were full of potential and with a little tweaking could be ideal boyfriends or husbands.

    All of those years wasted not listening to the wisest advice my mother ever gave me, ‘See how they treat their mother.’

    All of those years feeling miserable and taking things personally because the men who were wrong for me didn’t want me.

    And then came you.

    You laugh with me.  You hold me. You know me. You care about me. You take care of me. You care about our family. You care about your mom and your dad and your sibling and your extended family. You have interests that make you interesting. You aren’t going to sleep around because it’s honestly, not who you are.  You are faithful and kind and loving and funny.

    I love you.  Unconditionally.

    lost

    by  • June 10, 2010 • 0 Comments

    You know who are, no need for names..I know I said I wasn’t ready for a commited relationship, but that was a few months ago you could have tried to change my mind.. I was willing to open my heart to you the more I got to know you..and then we went on a mini vacation were you really trying to push me away??? I’m so very confused? If you didn’t want me to be there you could have said so, I would have understood.. But did you really have to be so rude? Is your heart so full of hate? I can understand the hurt and pain but the hate? Can you not make room for anything else? At least a farewell call would have been a decent thing for you to do..You say you always “man-up” not this time or did you just not even realize what you were doing. I just hope you can find your way to open your heart to something, anything and let the anger go!!!

    I really do wish you well….

    Bitch Bootcamp: Week EIGHT

    by  • June 10, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Well, it’s Thursday. A little late this week… but even with that extra time, I only had one BITCH complete last week’s assignment. Or maybe it’s just that the rest of you were too chicken to post yours?

    Here is something to ponder for the rest of this week. We’ve been
    learning how to be a BITCH – let’s define what a BITCH doesn’t
    do:

    • Doesn’t backstab her coworkers… and doesn’t listen quietly when others do.
    • Doesn’t back out on her word.
    • Doesn’t disrespect their mother.
    • Doesn’t look back and think “what if”.
    • Doesn’t fuck over another BITCH by fucking their husband. Or wife. Or boyfriend. Or girlfriend.
    • Doesn’t make an ass of herself in front of her boss.
    • Doesn’t discount her importance.
    • Doesn’t ignore that little twinge that tells her something is just a little “off”.
    • Doesn’t lie. Or cheat . Or steal.
    • Doesn’t think eating a third cookie is a bad thing.

    But most importantly, a BITCH doesn’t roll over and let anyone walk all over her. When you are willing to stand up for yourself, do what is right and hold others accountable for their actions, good things will follow.

    BITCH OUT.