• Dear Co-worker

    by  • September 30, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Dear Matt,

    Oh how I wish we didn’t work in the same department, let alone the in same building, or for that matter on the same planet.

    I am not sure why you feel the constant need to clear your throat. I mean, we can smell you’re horrible hampster-cologne… do we really need to hear you too?

    I wish you wouldn’t pretend that you’re cool… I mean we realize that you’re 35, single, live alone and have no chance in hell of ever meeting someone (male or female) that would be able to put up with looking into your squinty eyes day after day.

    With that said, Matt, I wish you the best in life… but I wish it as far away from me as possible.


    just so you know, i’m in a …

    by  • September 30, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Dear Stingray,
    You’ve made it pretty clear the way you would like things, platonic and well that’s just fucking leaving me dumbfounded.

    I decided to write because I am just trying to clear things in my head because you left me pretty shocked. I thought my question or more or less proposal was pretty platonic – maybe the smiley put it over the edge – but never the less an innocent lunch date.

    I was left with a confusing response “sure 1215 cafe? just so you know I’m in a relationship” DISCLAIMER just so you know I’m in a relationship. Because I’m really gonna jump your bones midwrap. But nonetheless you left me with a warning, an almost I’m off limits kind of message.

    This is quite contrary to how you had acted towards me for well the majority of the semester. Especially at the party in which you invited me. Nevertheless the shock is settling and I’m very confused as your behavior barely matches that of a taken guy.

    I mean I do still appreciate you and still am attracted to you. We’re into alot of the same things and you’re cute. That doesn’t hurt. We roll in circles that cross. Work. Clearly, I have friends in on your team, hang out with you, and party with you. I mean you definitely entertained the idea of me. I unarmed went to your party arms wide open. Hung out with you didn’t really get to hang out with you but still we did hang out unless you were off in the field doing who knows what or being a social person.

    Oh and let me read into the signs. As you know yourself that you led me on, clearly you had to clarify your status. Maybe I’m a little bit obvious but you still proceeded with reaffirming behavior. On the trek to downtown you held my hand, interlocked throughout the whole walk. You also were quite chivalrous coming to my rescue when I busted my ass. At our bar things changed. Not too much but I continually dropped my phone we each danced with and without each other. I incessantly texted you incoherently. Which I do apologize but understand that my touch screen is a bitch and a drunk girl didn’t realize that she should just use the keyboard. And once one was sent there was a redemption texts which equally failed.


    Ci Vediamo

    by  • September 30, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Caro L,

    Tears keep coming to my eyes knowing that you’re about to board the plane and leaving California forever. I know it might be stupid to think that what we shared together was more than just a few wonderful moments in our lives. Despite that, I can’t seem to get you out of my head.

    That one night we shared felt like a sudden spark of passion that I was not ready to feel. If it was just that one night, I would have been able to let you go out of my heart and my head forever…but when I saw you yesterday you intensified this beauty I felt between us.

    We may never see each other again.

    Even so, just know that whatever happens in the future, whoever we both shall meet, if you ever need open arms to comfort you, to love you, to hold you, I will always be here. You have captivated me. You have a piece of me forever and you are welcome to do what you wish with it.

    I wish you the best of luck with everything you do in Italia.



    by  • September 30, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Dear Jazz,
    Thank you for brightening my day. Thank you for inspiring Louis Armstrong, Sidney Bechet, and countless others who have found solace in your rhythms. Thank you for making me want to dance, and thank you for bringing a smile to my face every time one of your songs plays on my iPod.


    10 Things I hate about you. Probably more than 10.

    by  • September 30, 2010 • 2 Comments

    1. You are lazy as fuck.
    2. You ditched me so many times…wtf is that shit?
    3. You don’t use your fucking brains
    4. You rely on your mommy for EVERYTHING! You couldn’t wipe your ass without her holding your fucking hand.
    5. You are childish at ALL the wrong times
    6. You drool in your sleep….gross. You want to cuddle, I don’t want to wake up soggy.
    7. You are a wimp. I want to feel safe. I want a MAN, not a boy.
    8. You act interested in things I’m interested in, and that pisses me off beyond all belief.
    9. You are lazy as fuck. I know, I said it already, but that’s just how gods damn lazy you are, it needs two spots.
    10. You are SO unmindful with your money…I know, it’s YOUR money…but damn!
    11. You are lazy in bed. You think you are hot shit and you ALSO think you’ve given me an orgasm…false.
    12. You fucked another girl behind my back. Sucks for her.
    13. After I broke up with you, all you ever do is hang out with that sturgeon lookin’ hoe bag. You might not realize it yet, but you’ve lost many friends in the process of getting every STD known to man.
    14. I talk to your friends more than you do, sadly, and they think you are a fucking dumbass. Which you are.
    15. You are a whiny little bitch, you wish you could have sex with your mom (GROSS! I read those chat logs, that’s fucking creepy man), you are going to end up just like your dad, and lastly…FUCK YOU.

    To you

    by  • September 30, 2010 • 0 Comments

    My dearest Antonio,

    You…are amazing.

    You are all I could ever ask for in a man. You’re sweet and caring…you like Zelda! You have amazing hair, and your smile is..wow. I love talking to you…I look forward to it everyday. Even though you like onions…and I HATE onions XD The cats are going crazy right now, here lol.

    Anyway, so the reason I will never send this letter is because I’m afraid of what your response might be. I couldn’t bear losing what we have now…its a vicious circle. >.<