• the best proof of love is trust

    by  • August 13, 2010 • 1 Comment

    I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully trust you. I’m so threatened by my ideas of what used to be that I feel I can’t live up to your past experiences. I want to be everything for you and actually believe I am. I want to know that I’m the only one for you and no one else is even close to being good enough. I want to be yours forever and create a love worthy of fairy tales. I want you to tell me everyone else was a mistake. More importantly, I just want to know and believe I’m enough for you.

    That maybe I’m not your dream girl but better. I want to know you wouldn’t trade us for anything this world can offer. I want to be irreplaceable. Unforgettable. Yours forever.

    I’ve needed to get this off my chest for a long time now

    by  • August 12, 2010 • 6 Comments

    I’ve been wishing you were single since the day we met, 3 years ago. When you finally broke up with Him, I jumped on the opportunity. I know I should have waited, but God Damn, I couldn’t. I wanted us to start a life together, and you know it would have been amazing. I refuse to believe that you didn’t.

    When I asked, you said Yes. The greatest word in the english language. But you wanted to take it slow. You had just gone through a bad breakup, so I was completely understanding. But you put me through hell waiting for you, and I, like a love-struck fool, toughed it out. They do say, after all, that you have to fight for the things you love. And now that we had become so close there was no doubt in my mind that I loved you. I saw our future together and I wanted it more than anything in the world. I saw my happiness within you, a place to share all this love I have that goes nowhere. An escape from this haunting loneliness and depression that has been stalking me ever since I became aware that as a single person, I am incomplete.

    The day you told me that you wanted to stay friends, that you “Didn’t Think of Me That Way”, I was crushed. You know why I didn’t say anything that entire hour on the phone? Because I couldn’t speak. I was completely blown away that you, the nicest person I have ever met, could be such a cunt.

    I spent most of that day wondering how the Fuck we went wrong, where I said something wrong, or didn’t do something I should have done. I was on the verge of tears, even. That would be the first time I cried since my great-grandmother died.

    But I didn’t. You know why? Cause I realized you were scared, just like me. I spent the entire time we were together afraid I was gonna lose you, You spent it afraid that we would get together, it would be amazing for a while, and then something would drive us apart and you would lose me forever. I told you that would never happen more times than I can count, but that obviously didn’t convince you.

    Eventually I managed to move on. I was far from over you, but I couldn’t dwell on one stupid cow, blind to the future we could have had, for the rest of my life. Of course I havent found anyone since then. Then you had the audacity, last time we hung out, to tell me that you never felt romantically inclined toward me. Bull. Fucking. Shit. The fact that you would even think to utter such words to my face, after you said yes to going out, after it was your idea to have sex, there is no way you can say that truthfully. Even if you didn’t feel nearly as much as I felt for you, you felt something. Do Not Deny It. And that bullshit about “if we’re 30 and havent found anyone then we can get married”? Go fly a kite. I may act like a fucking welcoming mat to every girl I like, but even Im not gonna let you keep me on the hook like that. I’m desperate, but I’m not nearly that desperate.

    SO here we stand now. I loved you. I can’t honestly say if I still feel the same way now, because I’ve taken those feelings and stuffed them so far down, not even my subconscious knows where they are anymore. I see you dating some random douchebag you found online, and I feel envy, jealousy, even senseless hatred towards him, a person I’ve nver met. But I don’t know why. After all the shit you put me through, if you came to me asking for a relationship, hell even pity sex, I don’t think I would let you in. You want to be friends still, but I really don’t know if I should. I can’t tell who you are anymore, if you’re really the person I fell in love with, however briefly, or if you’re really a bitch, a filthy snake, wearing a smiling mask of kindness. Either way, I don’t know where my future is gonna go now, but I know it’s not gonna have you in the picture. And I say that with equal measures of sadness (for me) and disgust (for you).

    stop confusing me!

    by  • August 12, 2010 • 0 Comments

    You said you loved me, I loved you. Then out of nowhere you decide we were lying to each other…and that we didn’t love each other. But boy did I love you.

    Maybe it was just summer love, I don’t know. All I want is you back, but all you do is confuse me. You tell me you miss me and act like you still like me one day, then the next you just act like you hate me. I don’t want it to be like this. I either wanna be with you again or forget everything we ever had. So could you please just let me know if you wanna be with me or not?

    I don’t care

    by  • August 12, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Mom and Dad,

    I know that you disapprove. I know that you don’t like it. I know that you say no. I know that you don’t support me. But guess what? I DON’T CARE! It’s not your life it’s mine. I can do what I want with it and I can marry who I want. I know that you don’t like the age difference or the fact that he smokes and drinks but those are minor things. I am going to be with him no matter what so stop trying to change that. I love him and he loves me. We’re getting married and that’s just that.

    Deal with it!

    I love you so much I hate you

    by  • August 12, 2010 • 4 Comments

    You don’t want a relationship, I do. I’m never good enough for anyone, apparently you even, and all you are is a 17 yr old. So what does that say about me, considering i’m older? I hate you for making me fall in love with you, I hate you for saying all the right things, I hate you for ignoring me for a day then text me like you never stoppped talking to me. I hate how when I am with you I have fun, without the help of any drug. I hate that your my addiction and I can’t seem to get enough. I hate that I’ve known you a couple of months and am already head over heels for you. I hate that you don’t care if you’re hurting me, as long as you get laid, right? Two can play at that game, and for a while I did. But I’m over it, I don’t want other people. I want you and only you. I hate that you’re younger than me but can still make me feel the way I do about you. I hate you appear when its convenient for you. I hate every other fucking girl you talk to -which btw, some are disgusting- all in all I’ve come to realize I love you but I hate you more for what you’re capable of doing to me. I hate that you’re the reason I can’t sleep at night. What don’t I have that anyone else does? You and me have both discussed that we are perfect together. If we are so perfect then why won’t you date me, what’s so wrong with me? And this whole hate letter is pointless because I know the second you talk to me and wanna see me I’ll come running back. I know better, I really do. But as people say, love is blind.